sangueredenzione

[sangueredenzione]

I'll never forget the taste of forgiveness

It will haunt me until I die

Perhaps in another life I might taste it

Once again

In someone who feels so familiar

But doesn't wear your skin

I don't know what is going on anymore

It's just that I keep hearing your voice pouring through my bedroom walls

It isn't here to bring me peace now

Sounds like an unfavourable decision

I reek of envy

- G.M

[sangueredenzione]

I love you

I want to write it on my walls

In my own blood

After carving it into my skin

Through the mercy of a blade

Mercy you used to offer me

But

January brought about the death of everything

Where is that mercy now?

My awful mouth must have swallowed it all up

I would tear it from my abdomen

With flesh encrusted fingernails

If it would only cease the torment

Yet there is no way to make this end

Catch 22

Can't move forwards

Can't go back

No

Way

Out

You talk to me softly

Like you would to a dying animal

You say

You miss my laughter

But

Circumstance has taken it from me

Just like everything else

- G.M

[sangueredenzione]

The whisperings grow stale

Your laughter oscillating in my ear canal

Every time

I think

You're just

Making a mockery of me

You move ahead at every turn

Everyone so sure of themselves but me

I think

And you can hear it

I speak

And you deny it

I want to believe you so desperately

I go on

In cycles of torment

Struggling to understand the agenda

Concealed

Ready to strike

At this Achilles heel

To administer your poison

That only tastes like bitterness when I suck at it

And it's all my own fault

For fooling myself

Looking into the eyes of a snake

Trying to pretend it's a mouse

- G.M

[sangueredenzione]

She's

Another prayer answered

I may not need to beg at His feet for a little while now

And don't get me wrong I don't want to raise any false idols

But she is so worth the worship

Desire manifest

Slyphlike

And

Tender

I almost want to forgive myself

When she looks at me like that

And maybe I could

Given time with her

And even despite the distance I find myself falling deeper

Fixated

Blissfully aware that something exists far beyond a mere feeling

I don't just feel love for her

I am love for her

And I know with all the fervour in my heart

Skipping beats when I hear her voice call my name

I am loved

I am loved

I am love

- G.M

[sangueredenzione]

Benediction

A divine blessing

That i'm even still alive

Dragging my own body like a corpse into uncertainty

Every day

Nothing new under the sun

And yet I find novelty

As I putrify under the heat of a dying star

Novelty

Toying with me

Playing hopscotch on a tangled mess of scar tissue above cavernous fissures in the bloodstained earth

Like a child

I think I was younger once

I've all but forgotten how it feels

- G.M

[sangueredenzione]

Ashes of regret

Stale upon my tongue

As I

Suffer more reminders

The very air seems to pluck the thoughts from my brain

Only to deliver more torment

With responses I did not ask for

Life seems

Excruciating

And

Uncomfortable

From the bottom of this hole I dug myself into

Where I cannot hear my mother cry as she prays for me each night

Tell me i'm losing my mind

It's better than this experienced reality

Psychotically induced every passing moment

Oh God

To just be crazy

Would be a small mercy

Would it not?

No matter

I have no more time for contemplation

As the needles penetrate my skin

And suck the blood

Like

Leeches in stagnant pools

- G.M

[sangueredenzione]

Held ostensibly by oblivion

Grasped and

Throttled by suspicion

This will only last a lifetime

Reflections

Ceaselessly turning over themselves

We go on

Sun spattered

Palms vitrified

As we tore the spine from the shelter of limpid flesh

Brittle fingers we find

Shattered

On protruding vertebrae

Unable to trace our way from one to the next

Translucent skin

Bloody mess

Sweat dripping from brow above the eyes

Sublime eyes

Always watching

Ever present

Mouth twitching at the racous laughs of this descent into irremediable madness

Cheeks bitten raw inside

Likely to last a lifetime

- G.M

[sangueredenzione]

Teeth on edge

Rocked by the last dose

Breathing off rhythm

And

Sporadic

Constantly mocked by a desultory life

Everybody knows i'm going nowhere

Providing nothing to the community but my hecatomb of shame

As pure decisions elude me

Unable to hide from my depraved nature

At times

I fear I am capable of vile actions

Stooping beneath the branches of morality

I only grow sicker

-G.M

[sangueredenzione]

Membranes

Flensed from reality

Excoriated from the fabric at the back of my head

Purged from existence by the lurid flames that only serve to lick the rancid flesh

Now clean of profanity

Yet defiled by blood

Running cold from my mistakes

Everyone I failed becomes a phantom

They were people once

Don't know what they are now

-G.M

[sangueredenzione]

Plagued introspection

Poisons the flesh

All I smell is rot and decay from the hole in my septum

Not even 30 years old

And

Already a walking corpse

I wither ceaselessly

Unable to find a redeemable feature in this life I lead

Like a sick dog towards a vetinary practice

All too aware it'll be euthanised

Before the dawning

Of the next useless day

-G.M

[sangueredenzione]

Ill-fated

I curse myself perpetually

No one else to stand in my way

But myself

Opening doors that lead nowhere

To set in motion needless consequences

Even as I sit idle

It's still just over the horizon

Not that I'll ever make it there

My path strewn with hurdles

I set up alone

I've retraced every step

Seen this all before

Self destructive behaviour

Born of repetitive cycles

Every decision I make

Sending me to my grave

-G.M

[sangueredenzione]

Abject failure

Breaking faith with myself

Day

After day

Sins laid bare

On a cross I constructed

Thorns of regret pierce my scalp

Bleeding shamefully onto the floor

It was I who hammered the nails

I drove them in

Myself

- G.M

[sangueredenzione]

Soaked to the bone

In shame

Waiting for the great apparition

In that last hour

-G.M

[sangueredenzione]

I found them

Scraping knives against the walls

The very same ones

I bang my head against in perpetuity

You may not understand the significance

I'm almost afraid I don't either

-G.M

[sangueredenzione]

Do you hear it?

Hollow growling

Down in the mouth

Surrounded by the pitch black walls of my sorrow

I feel cold hands

Debriding my tongue

Yet a voice asks me to speak

My words are nothing

Nothing

But a symphony of death rattles

In a room full of corpses

-G.M

[sangueredenzione]

Seared skin on hot metal

Comes off like melted cheese

He brands my face with a screwdriver left on the stove

I don't make a sound

I couldn't think of any metaphors

For this

I tell my mother I fell

And she believes me

Like she always does when I lie

- G.M

[sangueredenzione]

I get by just fine

Playing the hapless fool

Even when my luck rolls in

Rogue waves on a bitter shoreline

Teasing the coast with small licks of fortune

But just look at me

Dejected charity case

Irremediable

And

Impulsively self destructive

No future outside the walls of my little hovel

That I've so delicately curated

I wouldn't do anyone the disservice of falling in love with me

Lest they fall with me into God knows what mess I'll get myself into next

But yeah

I'm getting by just fine

- G.M