salexand

[salexand]

If you're going to be in there, you might as well drop some knowledge. Maybe she'll respond if you explain the theory of relativity or the differences between plain and plane. Just an idea.

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Gary Vaynerchuk drops some serious knowledge. 

“One major reason Snapchat is winning, and will continue to win, is not only its focus on video, but how you create video content. The storytelling capabilities around how people create content on Snapchat is fantastic.”

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What does Lemony Snicket, A Speeding Ticket, and A Nutrition Label Have in Common?

Your teachers have droned on and on from grammar school to graduate school about the importance of reading.

I hate to admit it, but they’re right.

While it is true that reading can work wonders for your overall well being, rises in visual technology have made millions of people feel no immediate need to read anything more than a Facebook post or a tweet.

Unlike your teacher, I’m not going to sear boring statistics and facts into your ears. Here are the most practical reasons why you should read anything:

Make Corrupt Police Officers Feel Stupid.

As much as police departments far and wide would hate to admit this, corrupt police officers do exist. No, corrupt police officers don’t necessarily participate in drug cartels and racketeering rings, but they do prey on people who don’t take the time to read up on their state laws. You may know the usual things that actors discuss on your favorite crime dramas, but every state has their own set of unique laws that may or may not apply to whatever sticky situation you might find yourself in. Take time to go through your own state’s laws and arm yourself with knowledge that will leave bad cops stupefied when they try to charge you with anything horrendous. 

Generate More Ideas.

Whether you’re an aspiring artist or a master architect, reading just about anything will enhance your creativity ten fold. It could be the way the author describes a certain setting or character, or maybe even the way the author personifies an object. Reading of any kind can potentially jumpstart whatever project or idea that has been stumping you these past couple of weeks.

Write Better Papers, Love Letters, Novels, etc.

You may have been able to get away with comma splices and run-ons sentences in middle and high school, but in a professional setting, it is imperative that you sharpen your writing skills. If in college or a university, there are always one or two professors that will not hesitate to drown your paper in pools of red ink.

Of course, there are those who don’t see the point measuring someone’s reading/writing abilities in an educational setting if they are already native English speakers.

The sad truth is that foreign students who come to the states read and write 3 times better than the average American. This fact is a result of avid, tedious reading of English books. Some of these foreign students have only had about a few years of practice, but their writing skills have surpassed about 65% of middle-aged Americans with Bachelor’s degrees. You would be surprised how a well-written paperback can improve your grammar, spelling and vocabulary within a few hours. Imagine what a few years can do.

Be More Knowledgeable.

Tired of trying to keep up with the flow of a semi-intellectual conversation?

Well, either your friends are all serial killers, or you haven’t properly informed yourself of the topic at hand. No, you shouldn’t be required to know every Snapple fact ever, but if you don’t read up on current events, most of your conversation with comprise of:

• Grunts and glassy stares.

• The dust cloud of the other person who is desperately trying to get away from you.

Reading about anything from the weather to the latest international crisis will make you more knowledgeable around any social group you may encounter. Best of all, you’ll never cease to be bored or lonely because you’ll always have something to talk about with someone.

Knowledge, Enhanced Creativity, and Heightened Writing Skills can all occur if you just pick up that book.

It isn’t going to read itself.

[salexand]

What Elsa Taught me that a Decade of Crossed Legs and Humming Could Not.

 I watched Frozen for the first time yesterday.

After being sightly hypnotized by the dark magic that are Disney Movies, 

It finally hit me.

I 've been holding onto too many unnecessary things.

Your list may be different, but here are some things that help you to achieve Frozen Nirvana

Things to let go of today: 1) Bad grades. 2) Cars that rush in front of you only to drive slow after the fact. 3) These ice Age ass temperatures that aren't going to end for AT LEAST another billion years. 4) All the wrongs that have you scared to be vulnerable to those who actually give a fuck. 5) That boy or girl that hasn't hit you up since you exchanged numbers with them. 6) Yesterday. 7) People in your ear about things meant to ruin your day. 8) The people who said you wouldn't amount to anything. 9) When your boss asks you to stay later because of some shit they fucked up. 10) Your roommate who leaves a muddy ring in the toilet when the cleaning supplies are centimeters away. 11) Getting annoyed at parents who call you everyday when you live far away. (They just miss your ass).

12) People who are quick to show you love when you shine but disappear when you dull and low. 13) All cheef Keef albums.

[salexand]

Look at You, Using your Senses and Sh*t

Things you should to with your 5 Figurative senses today: 1. TOUCH the heart of someone who is always there by doing something nice for them. (Holding the door for them doesn't count)  

2. INHALE the fresh breezes of opportunity as you seize the day and create positive connections with family, friends and businesses. (Stink smells of doubt and procrastination should be Febreezed.) 

3. SEE through the Bullshit that people with no goals try to hide from you. Surround yourself with people who will enhance, enrich, and elevate your goals in life. 4. LISTEN before you speak. There might be something that could help you respond to what's being said with a higher sense of intellect and wisdom. 5. TASTE your accomplishments today no matter the size. It could something as small as getting to work on time to something as big as getting that promotion you've yearned for. As you heighten your SENSES today remember,  You are in CONTROL.

[salexand]

We all have skeletons. Let's hope yours didn't give you that itch you just cant scratch.

[salexand]

Chinese Food, Angry Orchard, and Suggested Youtube Playlists

My belly is full with Chinese food I told myself I wouldn't buy for a another couple weeks. 

My thirst is quenched from the only beverage that I can seem to tolerate in mass quantities.

I began listening to "Trust Issues" (Remix), which is basically a mashup of the three most successful women in the music industry: Drake, Justin Bieber, and The Weeknd. I don't know what's soothing about hearing people say that "They're on One" or that "They Can't Trust These Women", but some things aren't meant to be explained.

After about 6 Angry Orchards, Youtube suggested that I listen to "Lisa Sawyer" by Leon Bridges. I  don't know if it was the Angry Orchard negating the Angry Shakeel brain cells, but I kind of dug the track. It had a Five Heartbeats kind of vibe to it. I suddenly felt stupid for even nodding my head to the rhythmically emotional trifecta that was Drake/JB/Weeknd. 

Shoutout to Youtube for suggesting shit when you don't fucking ask them to.  

After listening to a couple more songs by Bridges, I would definitely recommend the guy's album to those who'd rather listen to someone with lyrical substance than someone whose flows sound like a pimp who wants to make sure that his prostitute is re-untied with their biological parents.

I should probably go to sleep, seeing that I have more ranting to do in the morning.

Peace.

[salexand]

A Rumor isn't a Rumor Until Someone Gets Abducted by Tupac

Today,

I received a message from a former lover asking about whether I fornicated with someone she loathed with all of her heart.

The petty in me wanted to say, "New phone, who dis?"

Instead, I channeled my inner Bill Clinton and replied, "No, I did not have sexual relations with that  woman."

I then asked myself why I even responded in the first place. My conscience explained that I wasn't an asshole no matter how absurd I found the question.

The conversation got interesting when I asked "Who/where did you hear that from?"

Naturally, my former lover wasn't into throwing anyone under the bus (unless it's me.)

After going back and forth about who her source was, she finally caved in. I must admit that after hearing the source, I almost burst into tears....OF LAUGHTER.

Her source reconfirmed my theory that rumors are as bad as a game of telephone played by kids whose English always comes second in the language race. 

I knew I had never talked to this person about anything involving well, anything. So, for them to "spill the tea" as it's now called about things they know nothing about makes me feel that people don't have anything better to do, which is crazy because there are MILLIONS of things to do like:

Minding one's own business.

Jumping off of a cliff.

Shutting one's sound hole if it's full of garbage.

Stop looking for people to bad mouth in order to justify the fact that the # of sexual partners they've had surpasses the highest of government salaries.

Etc. etc.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if people can help it,

KEEP MY NAME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH.

It's not worth much of anything anyway.

[salexand]

Dear Self 2016

What's up Self 2016,

This Self 2015 asking your advice on how I'm gonna crush it this up coming year.

I just had a few questions...

1. Am I going to stop saying yes to everything and everyone?

2015 was full of half-way projects and "I give ups" that only led to broken relationships and failed opportunities.

2. Do I become more focused on my craft? Or will I fall into the same black hole of contentment?  

I didn't get back into the groove of things until towards the middle to end of the year, which to me was a lot of time wasted.

3. Will I keep in contact with the ones who love me most?

I avoided most phone calls and texts from family this year, mainly because I didn't the disappointment in myself to show in my voice.

4. Will I become more physically active? I'm starting to think 24 is the new 70.

I played sports sparingly, and haven't seen a gym in ages. Hopefully I'm as ripped as The Rock very soon.  

 Self 2016, I hope you can answer these questions as I enter your year with confidence, hope, and commitment.

 Sincerely,

Self 2015

[salexand]

Things I am good at:

pushing people away

sleeping

fucking things up

forgetting to text people back

eating food

[salexand]

None of the teachers I mentioned asked for a retraction. Instead, they made me wonder why the audience was quieter than usual during my 5th grade graduation. #5thgrade #keptitreal #keptit100 #okmaybe85 @tank.sinatra

[salexand]

Some words to use when writing things:

winking

clenching

pulsing

fluttering

contracting

twitching

sucking

quivering

pulsating

throbbing

beating

thumping

thudding

pounding

humming

palpitate

vibrate

grinding

crushing

hammering

lashing

knocking

driving

thrusting

pushing

force

injecting

filling

dilate

stretching

lingering

expanding

bouncing

reaming

elongate

enlarge

unfolding

yielding

sternly

firmly

tightly 

harshly

thoroughly

consistently

precision

accuracy

carefully

demanding

strictly

restriction

meticulously

scrupulously

rigorously

rim

edge

lip

circle

band

encircling

enclosing

surrounding

piercing

curl

lock

twist

coil

spiral

whorl

dip

wet

soak

madly

wildly

noisily

rowdily

rambunctiously

decadent

degenerate

immoral

indulgent

accept

take

invite

nook

indentation

niche

depression

indent

depress

delay

tossing

writhing

flailing

squirming

rolling

wriggling

wiggling

thrashing

struggling

grappling

striving

straining

[salexand]

The "Farted while Heat on High with Windows Closed" face. (at Buffalo, New York)

[salexand]

The #LatinasAreNot hashtag is smashing stereotypes

Thanks to a campaign from the Huffington Post, Latinas are taking the chance to tell you about themselves on Twitter. Their real selves, and not the harmful stereotypes perpetuated in the media and popular culture. One major 2016 candidate even retweeted that second to last one.

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S U N D A Y.

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Hearing those angelic spawns of Satan getting closer to the door makes me wonder whether I should just play dead in hopes that they will leave me alone or hide in the break room until my shift ends.... I'll have to face my demons at some point I guess.

[salexand]

M O N D A Y.