sakura-bones

[sakura-bones]

heres a fun game i like to call “am i gaining face fat or is it just swollen salivary glands??”

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the feminine urge to purge green tea bc you want to be empty

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I want recovery. I want to never eat again. I want to swallow a couple bottles of pills. I want to get better. I want to die. I want to live. I want to carve my skin up. I want to be drunk. I sure want to be drunk. I want to stay sober. I want to get my nic fix. I want to quit nic. I want to die. I want to live. I want so much more than this, but I don’t know what I want.

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im the media junkie and the conspiracy theorist

anywaysss got this from reddit r/edanonymemes by u/iwannaberepulsive

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80 Calorie Pancake Recipe~✨💛

Y’all ain’t even READY FOR THIS….

Here’s the ingredients:

¼ tsp baking powder - 0cal

¼ tsp salt - 0cal

2 tbsp flour - 50cal (the one I use is all purpose and 25cal per tbsp)

3 tbsp egg whites - 25cal (I use egg beaters but you can choose to use whatever you want)

A couple packets of a 0cal sweetener - 0cal

1 tbsp Mrs. Butterworths sugar free syrup - 5cal

^^(THIS SYRUP IS A BLESSING, it’s 20cal for ¼ cup but I only used a tbsp so the calories are SUPER LOW💕)

Directions:

Heat up a pan of your choosing, doesn’t really matter the size.

Measure out your ingredients and put them into a bowl.

Mix your ingredients, I prefer to use a rubber spatula over a whisk because I can scrape off the ingredients that like to stick to the bowl.

Use water, 0cal cooking spray, or whatever you like to make sure your pancakes don’t get stuck to the pan.

Put some batter in the pan and YOU’RE COOKING, BABY

With this recipe, I made 3 pancakes of a satisfying size so don’t fear 🙌

Once you’ve finished cooking all your pancakes, add your syrup and BOOM!!! BREAKFAST~~

Finished product:

THIS ENTIRE PLATE IS 80 CALORIES. IM SERIOUS. WHOLE BREAKFAST. 80 CALORIES. YOU CAN EVEN ADD SOME FRUIT TO MAKE IT MORE INTERESTING.

I love this recipe so much because even on bad days I can cook up an easy satisfying breakfast without making myself want to cry because of the calories. Hopefully you guys like it too, stay safe and happy cooking!! ✨💕

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looking at old photos of myself thinking not only is that girl dead but i killed her

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wanna vent a little- its not exactly that i schedule it but every single thursday without fail i start driving to the ice rink and think “no one would know if i went to mcdonalds instead of going skating” and so i drive around for half an hour, order a shitton of food (which tbf isnt much these days bc my stomach has shrunk) and just gorge myself in the car in an empty parking lot. i hate doing it. i feel so guilty and ashamed and i hate hate hate lying to my mom about where ive been and having to stuff the paper bag into my purse so no one sees. and i hate so much that im going to college next week so the only reason im going to stop these binges is bc my schedule will be disrupted. i spent an entire summer of thursdays binging in secret and dealing with that guilt and im so disappointed that i couldnt change this behavior before i left

litchrally every time i go to therapy or work on my mental health i look back a couple years and go “damn i really lived like that? glad im so much better now” AS IF I DONT HAVE A WEEKLY SCHEDULED MCDONALDS BINGE EVERY THURSDAY

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litchrally every time i go to therapy or work on my mental health i look back a couple years and go “damn i really lived like that? glad im so much better now” AS IF I DONT HAVE A WEEKLY SCHEDULED MCDONALDS BINGE EVERY THURSDAY

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i binge literally after every single time i go to therapy T_T

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if you asked me what my eating disorder is about i might say ‘food’ labeling some good, some bad as i assign moral value to this grain of rice i might say ‘numbers’ counting, measuring, tracking calories, sizes, BMIs allthetimecalculating everysinglething if you asked me what my eating disorder is about i might say ‘beauty’ complete devotion, idolization of the western standard begging for others’ envy i might say ‘attention’ desperately needing someone anyone, to notice me at all to see that i am unwell, to care if you asked me what my eating disorder is about i might say ‘control’ the sick, sick result of discipline gone sour a curdling obsession i might say ‘guilt’ over being too big too plain too comfortable too needy too me if you asked me what my eating disorder is about i might say ‘anger’ hating the injustice of living hating everything, everyone including myself i might say ‘pain’ a way to transpose the scars of my soul onto the body aching for congruence if you asked me what my eating disorder is about i might say ‘minimalism’ my mind whirls like a run-on sentence and i can’t stand being wasteful so no thank you i don’t need anything at all really i might say ‘self-righteousness’ i’m parading the streets, declaring my holier-than-thouness because hey look! i’m better at dying than you if you asked me what my eating disorder is about i might say ‘expectations’ i’ve been naturally small my entire life and now, but now i lose myself when i grow i might say ‘childhood’ reverting to my prepubescent body no breasts and when sex was just a word muddled with giggles if you asked me what my eating disorder is about i might say ‘addiction’ a habit that can’t be kicked craving the buzz, the high of manipulating my insides i might say ‘death’ i’m not that happy anyway so why not drive my body to the edge, tempting it to quit? if you asked me what my eating disorder is about i might say nothing because i do not know it’s not like it matters because you don’t ask because you don’t know either

—i don’t know, you don’t know, no one knows // 01.22.18

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developing a heathy relationship with food is kinda tempting rn ngl 🤔

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istg thinking about recovery is so hard when ur sister will openly weigh herself in the hallway everyday bc “it’s more accurate on even ground” and your mom is openly using therapy skills to help her on her diet 🙃

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My seventeen-year-old son, Chase, and his friends are in the family room watching a movie. […] I stand at the door and peek inside. The boys are draped all over the couch. The girls have arranged themselves in tidy, tiny, roly-poly piles on the floor. My young daughters are perched at the feet of the older girls, quietly worshipping.

My son looks over at me and half smiles. “Hi, Mom.”

I need an excuse to be there, so I ask, “Anybody hungry?”

What comes next seems to unfold in slow motion.

Every single boy keeps his eyes on the TV and says, “YES!”

The girls are silent at first. Then each girl diverts her eyes from the television screen and scans the face of the other girls. Each looks to a friend’s face to discover if she herself is hungry. Some kind of telepathy is happening among them. They are polling. They are researching. They are gathering consensus, permission, or denial.

Somehow the collective silently appoints a French-braided, freckle-nosed spokesgirl.

She looks away from the faces of her friends and over at me. She smiles politely and says, “We’re fine, thank you.”

The boys looked inside themselves. The girls looked outside themselves.

We forgot how to know when we learned to please.

This is why we live hungry.

- From “Untamed” by Glennon Doyle

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manifestation circle:

🕯 🕯

🕯 🕯

🕯 lose 40 pounds 🕯

🕯 🕯

🕯 🕯 🕯

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ok but why does self destructive behavior feel so much better than doing healthy things

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