sad-rackateer - Tumblr blog

[sad-rackateer]

my freakin mom's been stressin me the heck out

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accidentally thought about one of my best friends dead in a glue trap which was such a depressingly tragic thought that I started laughing because it was also ridiculous as shit

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my girlfriend calls me her sea witch gf

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the only bit of solid wisdom I've gained from all of this that I feel confident in is that it's important to be nice to other ppl

[sad-rackateer]

(suicide tw)

those tik tok tarot readings are like "queen 😤 you have ended 🛑✋ a cycle of self doubt 😱 you are on your way to 🔥greatness🔥" and I'm over here like girl I'm suicidal rn

[sad-rackateer]

asking tarot stupid questions about the love of my life is my favorite hobby

"why is it possible I won't date her"

the devil-- intense! could be just one sided! obsession! things just might not line up

"why is it possible I will date her"

king of pentacles which I interpreted somewhat jokingly as "because you have so much swag, boy."

the devil-- again! which is so hilarious!

and the three of cups

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somewhere I cannot define. I'm holding pieces of a woman and of something that I have no name for.

[sad-rackateer]

I think I'd be happy if I was with someone right now. I am lonely. I forgot what it was like to deserve loneliness. I don't mean that I deserve to be alone and unhappy, but I do mean that. I mean it in the best way possible. For a little while, I didn't "let myself" feel loneliness and I could not identify it anymore, but I was so terribly lonely all the same. Now I miss my friends and I say that and it's a big deal. I miss my friends. I deserve to be hanging out with someone right now. I deserve a late night drinking wine with someone in silence. I am lonely and I get to say that.

No clothes appeal to me. My body does not want to be shown. It's hiding and I can't explain it. I just woke up. Whenever I put my binder on it feels like home again but it also hurts my chest. I am a little bit tired. I want to love my soft body so much.

[sad-rackateer]

No clothes appeal to me. My body does not want to be shown. It's hiding and I can't explain it. I just woke up. Whenever I put my binder on it feels like home again but it also hurts my chest. I am a little bit tired. I want to love my soft body so much.

[sad-rackateer]

update: DO NOT GO OFF THE THING YOU HAVE BEEN INJECTING COLD TURKEY FOR OVER A YEAR WITHOUT A DOCTOR HELPING YOU AND WITHOUT PROPER MENTAL HEALTH SUPPORT! THIS HAS BEEN A PSA FROM THIS HOT MESS TO ANY OTHER HOT MESSES IN THE WORLD READING THIS!

I'm thinkin of going off of testosterone and I know I'm gonna be miserable for a few weeks but I wanna do it

[sad-rackateer]

Oooh! Ooooooh! I've been in my head! I've been in my head for years now!! Ooooooh! No wonder I had a psychotic break!!

[sad-rackateer]

I caught a big case of the "whoops I projected onto my friends" and also need to start telling them things, like how I'm doing and what's going on with me

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update! I'm not miserable, I've actually been doing really well. I'm on the tail end of what I think was my adjustment period and while I did have some minor health issues, I also felt good about my decision and good otherwise

I'm thinkin of going off of testosterone and I know I'm gonna be miserable for a few weeks but I wanna do it

[sad-rackateer]

A rambling comic I made in class instead of paying attention

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me: I would like to leave my house so I don't go insane

the lunatic that I cohabitate with inside my body: not today

me: why????

the lunatic: for the revelations