s-nshine

[s-nshine]

@4625in​

Chungking Express, 1994

[s-nshine]

back from my hiatus with an fc change and a whole lotta ideas!!! i’ll be getting back to my dms now <3 but feel free to HMU or like this if you wanna plot for the event or just in general too! hyerin’s accompanied by her mum and brother at this event (as she was for most of them cuz she needs adult supervision lol) and you can find her kicking butts in soccer or doing a (more calm) dinner prep later.

[s-nshine]

now and then the feeling of inadequacy consumes her. starts slow, unnoticed, until it’s monopolized over her emotions. this is the feeling she’d chase away with gyeoul years ago before she left. that sense of powerlessness, like she couldn’t do a damn thing for herself.

naturally, inadequacy’s become a feeling she associates with him and the reason she had to step out of whatever understanding they’d forged. so of course, naturally, life leads her back here: vulnerable, inadequate, and with him.

junghoon’s assistant walks out of his office and spares her a fleeting, apologetic glance before hurrying away.

she knows who’s coming next.

there in the hallway, it feels like a pause in time. she catches herself holding her breath in anticipation of the conversation that’ll follow. junghoon has a gambling problem and he’d hired a lawyer. he hired gyeoul.

she leans against the wall, mind thrumming with the way she’ll approach this. in the past, she’d appreciate his proximity, but this a little too personal. what does gyeoul know? what would she tell him? she doesn’t want junghoon’s position or his company. most days she doesn’t want her last name. the basis for what she did is simple. it’s gaining independence. separation. her discretion and assistance for something of her own. after all, i’m not that kind of a person.

hyerin hears the reply as gyeoul’s voice: aren’t you?

gyeoul. she met him years ago at a mutual friend’s birthday in this same sort of weather. there was a tender conversation and the presence of a small interest she dared to revel in. it followed quickly with the endless guilt of dragging him into her every sorrow simply because he understood it the first time. she always felt they were sinking, but ignorance had been too easy to turn her face to.

unfortunately, it wasn’t something she could turn to again. her departure took place of an apology, unsaid, but lingering heavy in her absence like any of her words would. she quietly admitted how far this had gone and inevitably succumbed to her regret. she’d opened up too easily. too much and too fast. she couldn’t afford to again.

hyerin glances at him when he joins her, unease in the line of her shoulders. are you judging me? are you too nice for that?

instead, she asks, “when did you get involved?”

the deeper question wavers in her stare, why you?

thank you song w/ @no-exits

[s-nshine]

i can’t believe i’m doing this. 

there are several courses of hesitation before she reaches yohan. the first with her forehead to the steering wheel. she’s already here, fuck it, might as well go in and deal with this head-on. the second as her fingers grip the door handle and her nerves burst into a frenzy: who decides to grab a drink with their ex after some chance encounter? this isn’t kismet. and the third when she spots him seated at the bar while he’s yet to notice her. 

but then his eyes land on her and her stomach does that thing and the next thing she knows is that she’s smiled — a little too bright — and waved — a little too keen, and stepped forward. too late now.

these hesitations aren’t without cause. history floods the line between their stares. they’ve looked at each other many times before, with love, anger, regret, and now, seemingly, guilt. isn’t that what it all boils down to in the end? unending and relentless guilt. the same one that gnaws on your mind every night, chewing on every thought like a bone. she imagines it’s a sentiment he shares. that’d explain the stiffness in his spine, the extra kindness in his eyes— an effort to compensate, no doubt she’s doing the same.

“you clean up nice.” it’s an aimless greeting meant to lighten the mood like the time they spent together in london was all a gag.

the self-consciousness hits next and hyerin tugs on her sweater as she slides beside him. a little too close for comfort — a little too familiar. what a terrible reality where knowing someone never stops. she thumbs the loose thread by her wrist, bearing the best i’m-totally-fine smile she can muster. it’s mostly true, but attempting to present that same narrative to the guy that both mended and broke her heart is a different challenge, especially when she’s supposed to be like every other unfeeling kid in cheongdam.

“how’s your knee doing since the last time i saw you?” last time referring to four hours ago when he showed up as her final patient with a messed up knee and the offer to grab a drink. in other words, when he interrupted what should’ve been another mundane day shoving off the judgment of her lead practitioner and crawling home to a glass of wine. speaking of which — she turns to face the bartender and requests a glass of her favorite red. 

ok yohan, once again, and a good three years later. they’ve become different people since then, yet, if the world could dip back in time, it feels like they could pick up right where they left off.

automatic stop w/ @4625in

[s-nshine]

𝐉𝐀𝐍𝐆 𝐇𝐘𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐍 — HOW YOU WOUND ME

somewhere around 2017-2018:

memories aren’t without faults. so maybe she imagined it.

the tenderness of eomma’s palm to appa’s cheek. the way she cried to him, told him it was unfair. they’d worked too hard for this. done too much for it to end this way.

hyerin recalls the feeling trapped in her throat and how she immediately turned away. the sight didn’t feel real. it was something too soft than what she’d grown used to.

but maybe she imagined it. if only to fill some gross need in her that the bounds of her mother’s emotions didn’t end with disappointment and regret — that perhaps they went further than those limits, somewhere where love remained, if there was any to begin with.

that’d explain this:

it feels like the world is always ripping in two. one half hers, one half her mothers. two realities, always opposed. a daughter looking for her mother and a mother looking for a way out of grief. a reminder rings loud in her mind as she approaches her: you’re never born. you’re a whisper.

“why did you stay over?”

hyerin kneels before her, a hand carefully on her knee. “i just… wanted to be close to you.”

that’d explain her reaction:

eomma’s eyes curve past love and sympathy and cut straight into disappointment. hyerin hears the response that isn’t said. it’s a feeling in her gut. it’s a word: pathetic.

—

here’s what it’s like to be intoxicated:

his lips to hers, the laughter in their throats, and lazy afternoons spent in warm sheets under the glow of the sun. it’s chasing sunlight across the nape of her neck; his lips a compass, her laughter a homecoming. behind her ribcage there’s an entire ocean and joy sweeps over her heart like a tide. it feels like she’s drowning in him.

here, hyerin’s a negative of herself. a whole different person.

when he leaves for good she finds her head above water for the first time in months, and she loathes it: the clarity, the relief, and all the loneliness it imparts. it’s inevitable. at one point she was going to have to realize that all they’re good for is wounding.

here’s what it’s like to be intoxicated: loving yohan, even if it’s briefly. even if it isn’t entirely love. close enough.

somewhere around 2021:

no one realizes how low they’re willing to stoop until they already have.

“nearly a fifth of my estate- are you out of your mind? i run a multi-million won company, hyerin.”

she rests the glass on the table. youngest child, last in the race and already several steps behind. didn’t they know she’d want something of her own? couldn’t they tell she was coming? “exactly.” the dismissive pull of her lips next is entirely intentional. “so you won’t miss a couple million.”

she studies his reaction. the clench of his jaw and perspiration kissing his skin — no doubt due to the anxious nerves unfurling in his stomach. her doing, of course, but this is merely part of the transaction. her silence and her help in exchange for something of her own.

when he looks at her she matches his stare head-on.

she understands. “you’ve never had to test me before.” don’t try now, you don’t know what i’m capable of. (i don’t either.)

his teeth grit, and her lips twitch.

finally.

“i can’t believe this is my family,” and yet he relents, seizing the pen from his lawyer. there’s a momentary pause of hesitation before ink meets paper, but he must be smart to understand the extent of hyerin’s generosity and imagine the limitlessness of her cruelty. she’s a jang after all. they were all bred this way.

[s-nshine]

wowow hello everyone! so excited to join with the one and only jang hyerin! gonna try and keep this short cause i ramble a lot under the cut — you can check out her profile, bio and plots here. i’ve only got like three plots on there lmao my bad BUT i have a few more ideas under the cut if you’re interested! :))) 

jang hyerin, 26yo unemployed baby of the fam after (ceo) junghoon and junghwa.

grew up mostly out of the spotlight since it was her older sisters fairytale love life or her brother’s questionable capabilities as an heir that were on blast. meant she got away with quite a bit ngl, but now that her siblings are settled down and living relatively normal lives the attention is onto her!

seems to be the closest to her mum, and she is, kinda, only cause she hasn’t disappointed her severely yet and is still in line with her expectations. lowkey worships the ground her mum walks on while at the same time resenting how much she needs her validation. doesn’t help that her mom thinks “needing” someone is weak. so yeah it’s complicated 😳

quite athletic in high school. enjoyed track and all and decided she wanted to do something related to sports medicine/therapy hence the physical therapy route. her focus ended up changing to rehabilitative medicine, though (likely due to her dads condition).

dad passed while she was completing her bachelors and it took a toll on the whole family cause he was a pretty kind guy, albeit a workaholic. hyerin ended up doing her masters in london, almost like she was running away. but she’s back! 

a bit of background on her dad cause i think it’s interesting: he had some humble roots and worked his way into founding his construction company, JH Construction (later changed to JH Holdings) which is now a chemical manufacturing and exporting company namely construction materials like silicone, paints, etc.

tw/ cancer. their dad had a long battle with cancer since 2010. he was in remission before it metastasized to his liver so it was a tough time to say the least.

unmotivated and kinda lost in terms of direction atm. she got back recently and is interning at a clinic. still getting settled in, though, and hoping to land a few interviews down the line. her mum’s not the most pleased.

tw/ gambling. found out her brother’s been gambling and used that to end up owning about 15-ish% of his estate. pretty much a transaction: she keeps hush and helps him, and he pays up. she never really had a relationship with him to begin with because he’s so much older, but now they’re definitely not on speaking terms.

other personality tidbits: sociable, probably had a few friends but struggled with keeping them close. lowkey wears her heart on her sleeve. also the kind of person that will achieve whatever she sets her mind to aka strong willed. likely has a poor romantic life full of leading people on, complicated relationships, etc. pretty stubborn and unapologetic.

overall, your very typical rich kid with some mild mommy issues.

for plots! ex’s (messy ofc cause that’s always a fun time), maybe a current relationship but there’s not a lotta love there (maybe some appearance or some “we’re technically compatible” stuff), friends she suddenly dropped when she left to london, friends of her sister or people that know her siblings, complicated friendships (the kind of where they only really reach out to each other to vent or are close in a specific way that doesn’t garner a lot of casual hanging out), party friends! time to get together and reminisce the energy yall had back in the day, enemies cause lbr she’s probably pissed off a lot of people. i’m pretty open to anything though! :)

[s-nshine]

NOT EVERYTHING FEELS LIKE SOMETHING ELSE