running-laps-in-my-head

[running-laps-in-my-head]

I don’t want you to trust me again. You not trusting me is you protecting yourself. And I never want you to stop protecting yourself.

[running-laps-in-my-head]

You have to live with the fact that you said no. I have to live with the fact that I loved you.

[running-laps-in-my-head]

I dream of the day I’m sick enough for people to help me, without me having to prove that I’m sick.

[running-laps-in-my-head]

You broke my heart worse when I realized you didn’t even try to care.

[running-laps-in-my-head]

I’m so obsessed with what I got in my mystery bag from @newtsdoodles it’s literally perfect

[running-laps-in-my-head]

[running-laps-in-my-head]

‘THE THING ABOUT YOU AND ME BROTHER, WE DROWNED DIFFERENTLY.’

(A visualization of this thought I had while re reading SON. Hazel drowned violently in a body of oil. Killing her mother and herself. Hazel life ended there. Yet she is haunted by the memories. She never forgets. While Nico was gently and quickly drowned in the River of Lethe. Nico life stared anew. Memories erased. Not haunted by the past or having watched his mother die. (Though the memories seem to be coming back slowly.)

[running-laps-in-my-head]

Sometimes I wonder if you still think of me before remembering how often I felt alone in a room full of strangers and you as my only friend

[running-laps-in-my-head]

In death you either become beloved or despised. And honestly both sound better than being alive and disappointing.