runawaylivinglife

[runawaylivinglife]

Oh to be 17 again and the only thought I had was what I was going to do now that school has finished.

[runawaylivinglife]

Me thinking about how I’ll never be 17 again going to schoolies with the money I saved up for months to freely stay and spend as I want. Going to events and parties and living it up. Only to get on my flight home and then have to rush to the other side of the airport so I can say goodbye to my friend who was leaving that same day. We both were leaving our own separate holidays.

[runawaylivinglife]

The temporary friend

At the time you may not realise they are temporary

And you may even talk about the future with them in it

But know that even if you are my temporary friend

I will be here

Now

In the future

And especially in the past

Whether we end on good or bad terms

There will always be a spot in heart and my head wondering what has happened to you

How things are going

And if you still wish to reach out sometimes

Temporary friends aren’t meant to stay

But just know they provided a growth for you

Whether you realise it or not

They did help you

They are helping you

Whether it be a cautionary tale or a story to tell your children

Your temporary friend helped but always remember that you did all the work

[runawaylivinglife]

Tell the children they were worth it

Tell the children it’s not there fault

Tell their children im sorry

Because you never will

[runawaylivinglife]

The worst thing about generational trauma is that the victim turned oppressor always thinks they are doing better than their oppressor.

You’re not doing better if the example of worse is still an abuser who hasn’t changed their ways.

Who literally can’t see the laces as anything but the victim.

[runawaylivinglife]

As children we were marked for death

Although you scream about how you gave us life

Marked for death by this society

As children who want to grow

Who want to change the world

We are told we were a blessing

This worlds blessing

Why do we get punished so much

We as children don’t ask for this life

[runawaylivinglife]

Maybe the real reason I stopped trying in High school wasn’t because I was burnt out, but because no one was gonna cheer on my achievements anymore so it wasn’t worth trying at all.

[runawaylivinglife]

You only charge your thinking when the situation suits you,

You never look at something that doesn’t seem perfect to you,

You never think of something unless it works with you,

Nothing is ever good enough with you,

It was bad when it didn’t suit you,

Now it’s good because it works with you life now,

I hope you grow up,

I hope your life is amazing,

I wish you the best,

I just wish to never see how good you are,

I wish to never know how good life keeps getting for you,

I wish our paths never aligned,

Cause then I wouldn’t have to feel this way for you.

[runawaylivinglife]

Random thought of the day:

If only a camera could truly capture the beauty we see with our eyes.

[runawaylivinglife]

The pieces don’t always fit

Sometimes you lose a few along the way

The picture will never be the same

But you will have to continue anyway

You might not be back the way you were before

But sometimes healing is better then just repairing

You can’t always fix what’s been broken by shoving pieces back into itself

But you can try to find a new puzzle that helps

with all new pieces

A whole new experience and outlook on how to do the puzzle

[runawaylivinglife]

Blood on my hands

Blood on my face

What’s the difference

Whether it’s your blood or mine

We’re both in pain either way

[runawaylivinglife]

It’s easy to remember the good moments when you’re no longer in that situation anymore

No fighting

No screaming

No more relentless drowning in my own emotions

I’m free

So why do I only remember the good

Why do I want to go back

Why do I forget all the bad till I’m back there

Where did the bad moments go

Why can’t you stay good

Why can’t I stay away

Why am I being dragged back

[runawaylivinglife]

I know love exist because I’m so full of it

But why does the love feel strangling

Why does the love hurt me like that

Why does the love feel like a curse

I’m full of love but you’re filled with hatred and

That’s corrupting my balance

[runawaylivinglife]

We aren’t the same

I’m here to get away

You’re here to stay

Trust me going back isn’t fun

I’d rather stay here

I’d rather be sane

[runawaylivinglife]

Maybe I did love him

Maybe I didn’t

Maybe I loved a version of him I couldn’t have

It was too late to fully form physical connections

He was leaving

It was too late

The contact stayed

But the connection didn’t

I’m sorry it didn’t work out

Maybe in another lifetime it wouldn’t be rushed

Maybe in another lifetime I wouldn’t have disconnected

Maybe it was for the best

Best for him that is

[runawaylivinglife]

stuff I need to hear

Things don’t have to work out at 18 or 21 or 25 or 30

You can make mistakes

You can change

You can develop new life skills

Or wants

Things don’t need to work out right now

Things don’t need to sort themselves out Immediately

Love in the now

Stop worrying about it when things don’t work out

It may suck but maybe it’s better

It may hurt like hell but it might work out better

[runawaylivinglife]

And just like that I changed,

I mean what did you expect when you treated me like that

I mean how did you think this would go

I mean I was bound to leave

And too blind to not see the damage you’ve done

What did you expect me to do,

Stay?

why?

Guess you can’t manipulate me like you thought you could

Guess I’ve changed

Whether that be a good thing or a bad thing

Whether that means I’ve had to break myself apart to put me back together

Whether that means I’m broken or not

I guess I’ve changed

Or have I always been this way

Maybe you’ve just never seen this side of me

Maybe you just chose to see only certain parts of me

Maybe you were blinded by “love”

Maybe you were the one that changed

And maybe I fell for it

And just like that, I changed