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I’m often difficult to love. I go through dark periods like the moon and I hide from myself. But I promise I will kiss your wounds when they’re hurting. Even if they’re in your soul, I can find them with the light in my fingertips. I will lead you to the river so you can remember how beautiful it feels to be moved by something that is out of your control. And when our dark periods match, we can breathe with the grass and look at the night sky. The stars will remind us of the beauty in our struggles and we won’t feel lost.

Emery Allen (via quotemadness)

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I don’t know if I will look pretty in his warm eyes that’s bathing the sunlight like it’s the bigger star. I’m afraid that if he looked at me, he’ll see a withering rose that’s awfully deprived by natural dyes of earth, wrinkling and being covered by spider threads and wild leaves. He will look away, that’s what I’m expecting. And I will stay there to continue my sweet deprived existence while being buried in the soil half holding on, half fading away. I don’t want to fall, that’s what I want to say. I am scared not to be loved back that’s what I meant. I will just live like a forgotten renaissance painting, inhaling the clouds of dust and waiting for my tone to turn grey. I will push anyone who’ll try. I’m a train in a hurry and that’s what I’ve been doing my whole life anyway.

.🥀 zen xviiii :: too grey to fall (via artyprose)

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i used to think we were soulmates.

but maybe we’re just passing souls. (via uhnsaids)

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one thing i hate about myself essay

When I first got this assignment, I didn’t have anything specific that I really hated about myself. I know this may sound egotistical, but I have achieved a level of peace within myself and I really struggled with finding something that I have yet to overcome or work on. It wasn’t until a recent event that triggered some old memories that I was able to really pinpoint something that has been eating at me for a while now.

I have been sexually assaulted 5 times, and 4 out of those 5 times happened last semester. The first time I was sexually assaulted, I was molested by my cousin’s best friend the week before my senior year of high school. Then, I was raped by my ex-boyfriend in September. About a month later I was hanging out with a classmate when he tried to force me to engage in sexual acts before I left for practice. A few weeks after that, I was forced to engage in sexual acts with a guy who does business with one of my cousins (which I didn’t know about until after I met him). The night before I left for winter break, I was sexually assaulted by a very close friend while I was sleep. I would explain those situations a little more so they aren’t so vague but, I am literally about to throw up just because I spoke these events into existence for the first time.  

As I was recalling each of these events, I began to notice a pattern about myself, and it was the fact that I blame myself more than anything. I walk away feeling guilt and shame, thinking that had I not trusted so easily, or froze up like a deer in headlights, or been stronger physically and mentally that I would have been able to avoid or get out of those situations. But, I refuse to be a victim and deep down I believe that the reason as to why I have denied that any of this happened is because that would mean accepting it and I’m immensely terrified of doing so. Succumbing to the title and roll of the “victim” makes me feel disgusting, worthless, powerless, easy, weak, numb and so much more. I don’t want to ask myself the inevitable question: “why me?”. That sounds so pitiful and I want to be anything but that.

I’m not scared of too many things but dealing with and accepting what had happened definitely tops all of them. I am scared to dive deeper than the surface and actually face these issues because I know what is already down there waiting for me and I’m not trying to go back to that place for I have come such a long way since then. I know that running away from my problems and acting like they don’t exist creates more issues as time goes on, but at this moment in time, forgetting that all of this happened is what helps me go to sleep at night and get up in the morning. I hate that I’m too much of  a pussy to actually face my fears and that’s my goal this semester.

 -akr

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I want to be loved by someone with an honest tongue, a devoted heart and exclusive eyes.

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baby let the vinyls spin while i explore your tongue 

source: rosynative

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An agate stone that looks like a window to the ocean.

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if my heart was a place on earth, I believe it would look like this. just as beautiful as it is cold; an icy aesthetic -akr

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(Source)

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