rosetree23 - Tumblr blog

[rosetree23]

I’m giving up, I want to give up I can’t handle this bs anymore everything is so tiring I have no energy for anything and I hate myself I can’t look in the mirror without being disgusted I can’t look at my naked body without wishing it wasn’t mine but then again it doesn’t even feel like mine anymore, it feels like everybody’s except for mine, I’ve got little to live for anymore. I don’t want to be here I hate everyone here nobody likes me I like nobody my family feels more like annoying roommates than actual family members, the only thing keeping me warm is vodka and Bacardi. Nothing feels good ever anymore I’m always so tired, so tired, so incredibly tired. I need some milkshakes, or pizza, and I need them bad. I need everyone to stop complaining about their lives to me and then ignore me when I want to talk about mine. I don’t give a SHIT if one of your old bitches added you back on snap or follows you on TikTok orange, I love you but come on don’t be like this ur just ruining it, or maybe I’m ruining it myself. Once you find out who I really am, what I really am, my rawest purest form you’ll surely leave. You can’t know and I won’t tell you I can’t tell you I can’t risk it. But I also don’t care I want everyone to leave me alone right now so so so much I want to be alone I want to leave and just be with me. Just me and my music no one and nothing else. I don’t need anything else, it’s me and music against the world for always and ever.

[rosetree23]

To Blueberry,

So you’ve been popping up in my TikTok Notifs again.. liking my reposts and stuff, the repost I made with the “why did u only care abt me when you were high” I mean it doesn’t rlly apply to u but I think you just liked it cuz of arctic monkeys,, idk.. I miss you a lot lately, I miss your smile and how soft your hair was, and the taste of your tongue. You were and still are one of the prettiest boys I have ever seen, I remember when I was at Max’ house with you and.. goldfish I think? And I was upset, and I walked out the door and I could hear you through the door profusely beating yourself up over the fact that I was upset, you felt so bad and I could hear you ranting about how you “fucked up” that might be the most that someone has cared for me in a while, I also remember when we were just over and I came back from Köln, you were so pissed that I came to the hangout, you didn’t talk to me or look at me all night but then you ended up laying on top of me again, like you always do. I remember thinking I was past it, I was moved on and I didn’t want u anymore, then you stood there dancing to Daddy Issues and I remember thinking “Fuck, I’m still in love with him.” And I gave you a soft smile before you crashed on top of me, I think Dan saw. He knew, he always knew. I remember you feeling the fabric of my sweatpants mumbling something about how soft it was, and still being mad about cap, but I also remember the week after when you kissed me even though it was “over”, and the week after where you kissed a new chick, you were being so shitty but I still miss and love you so much. I can’t believe I might see you at caps party, I know you probably won’t come so I won’t get my hopes up but, I kind of want you to be there, I wouldn’t know what I’d do or say, I mean you probably hate me after what happened with row, paprika and cap but I hope you’ll atleast say hello.

With Love,

Me.

[rosetree23]

To Cap,

Really? Really? Mole? You went to Mole? Wow, like attracts like I suppose. Im so fucking mad at you right now it’s actually crazy, not just for what you did to me but what you did to everyone, and ARE doing to everyone. How are you gonna treat the whole world including your best friend like that? We get you’re pissed because your ex wouldn’t get back with you but you don’t have to project that anger onto us, and once again skipping a hangout with your bestfriend for some pussy is crazy. You really prefer hoes over bros? You’re a fake ass bitch and I genuinely dislike you so fucking much. I cannot wait for the day that you finally get humbled, somebody needs to actually tell you the harsh fuxking truth on how bad of a fucking person you are holy shit I don’t care that it’s because you’re so heartbroken over your ex, it might be a reason but it is NOT an excuse, there’s healthier ways to cope you bitch. I am NOT looking forward to seeing you again at school and I hope that you fail the year so you can drown in your misery, actually I hope you pass so I don’t have to be at this school with you any longer. I don’t want to see you or your enchanting ducking smile ever again. Fuck you forever Cap.

With Love,

Me.

[rosetree23]

To Blueberry,

I had a dream about you last night, we were in my room with a couple of our friends, only in my dream your hair was dyed blonde and you had brown roots showing instead of it being naturally blonde like it always has been. It was nighttime and you were sat next to me on the floor next to my bed, cap was on top of my bed watching tiktok, and our other friends were either on the bed or on the floor aswell, you were doing something on your phone and I was watching along, but I can’t remember what it was, at one point I rest my head on your shoulder and you look up at me and give me that smile, that goddamn gorgeous smile, you take my legs and put them over yours, one hand slings over my shoulder and the other continues swiping away on the phone, we hug and it feels so nice and so comforting, you feel so warm and loving. Then one of our friends nudges Cap and he gets mad, i still don’t know exactly why he got mad, I mean I’m not his, but then again I’m not yours anymore either, I wish I could’ve stayed there a little longer, looking at your smile and feeling your warm touch, but sadly I had to be awoken by my alarm clock, I guess there are other universes and in those we are together, huh?

With Love,

Me.

[rosetree23]

To Cap,

I hate you, I don’t hate you but I really truly really want to hate you, you knew what I went through both with Blueberry and Nathaniel, you knew how they not only used me but assaulted me in so many ways, I trusted you, I thought we had something I truly did and when you asked me to be your girlfriend I was elated, I was the happiest I had been in so long, it felt like you cared, it felt like you truly cared, you’d come to me when I was hurt, you’d tell me you miss me, tell me I was cute and tell me you like me. You said you were almost addicted to me, you wanted to see me all the time even for just a second, what the fuck did that ever mean to you huh? You acted so sweet and so caring all the time, always helping me out and comforting me and wanting to hug and cuddle me, and now that it’s over you act like you couldn’t give a shit if I was living or dead. Was it really all a façade? How could it be? You’d been trying to kiss me for two months, you got it, tried to get some more out of it and then ditched me just like that, you used me just as much as the others did no matter what you say and the fact you immediately after we break up text your ex is fucking nauseating, you know your bestfriend told me the name of your new girl already right? I know fucking everything, I always do and I always will you can’t fucking deceive me, I’ve dealt with manipulative narcissists like you before, I’ve seen every trick in the big book of gaslighting. You. Can’t. Fool. Me. One part of me believes that you’re just a bad person who uses and destroys nice girls just to have something to do stuff with and who doesn’t care about anybody’s feelings other than your own, but another part of me wants to and sort of believes you’re scared, scared not only of commitment but of your own feelings, you’re scared to fall in love that’s why you hang around your whores all the time, why is it that you deny yourself happiness? That you deny yourself something good? You’re driving yourself deeper and deeper into a dark hole and I’m not the only one that thinks so, especially with how fucking easily irritated you are these past few days I feel like there’s something else going on and I’m going to find out why and you know it. I also miss you, I really do, I miss the person you were before all of this, so sweet, so caring, so handsome, I loved having fun with you in both ways, but you’re just a fucking scumbag, and your ex thinks so too by the way! Just so yk before you try to contact her another time, we don’t want you, you’re a bitch and I’ll be waiting for that apology, and if I hear you speak my name again I’m genuinely going to get fucking mad.

With Love,

Me.

[rosetree23]

to Blueberry,

I liked you, I really liked you, why couldn’t you give me a chance? We could’ve been so good together, we could’ve stargazed on your trampoline listening to the neighbourhood until we fell asleep. Why did you have to do that to me, I should have listened to what your friend told me, I should’ve listened to the rumors they told me about you, maybe it could have saved me. I know I partly ruined it by that drunk mistake but that’s when you should’ve stepped in, you should’ve secured me right then and there, you should’ve made me yours, but all you truly cared about was what my body had to offer you, not my mind, not my soul, I should’ve known to let you go when you tried to pressure me to do stuff with you, I’m glad that I did not, I regret the things we did do too much already. I just don’t understand why you had to kiss me at that party two weeks after you ended it, why did you kiss me? “I forgot we were over” what kind of excuse is that? My stomach still drops whenever someone mentions your name or shows me a picture of you, a mixture of missing you and being scared of you, that’s what you do to a person, but you don’t care you couldn’t care, not for a second because to you I’m just a whore right? Yeah I know you said that, it didn’t hurt half as much as I thought it would, knowing that the real whore here is you. I miss you and I hate you, I never want to see you again yet if you’d text me to talk right now I’d probably drop everything and say yes, I know I shouldn’t but just like you always said, I care too much, I’m too forgiving and I’m too sensitive. I still remember how caring and apologetic you were, texting me when you thought I was sad, communicating with me so well. I still can’t listen to “The Beach” nor “Baby Came Home 2” i still see your smile in others and I miss you, but I never ever want to see you again.

With Love,

Me.