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PICTURE US IN THE LIGHT
by Kelly Joy Gilbert
“It’s nice to have someone in your life you don’t have to worry about as much, someone you know will always be okay.”
“You’re going to have to choose, too. You have to look at the world like- you got one shot in it, and at the end you’re going to have to look back and see whether you said all you needed to say and gave it back to the world to hear, or if you just let that shrivel up inside you to die with you. All of us have to make that choice.”
“Something happened, though, inside him; it was like all the color bled out from the world around him and what was left over was muted and dull.”
“It’s a profoundly lonely feeling when someone who’s supposed to love you doesn’t have it in them to be around you.”
“If history has shown anything, it’s that humanity is rotten at its very core. There is a screaming emptiness where goodness might reside; instead of empathy and principle there is fear and greed and stunning, breathtaking hypocrisy. People will believe themselves good in the face of all evidence to the contrary; people will smile and cling to their own respectability in the face of atrocity.”
“But when you light a fire you don’t always get to choose where it burns.”
“Other people don’t exist just to be your happy ending, you know?”
“Pain multiplies exponentially. What you cannot fix you can continue to destroy.”
“Who are you in the face of someone else’s pain?”
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“The sum of the parts overwhelms, and that’s when you back out and force yourself to remember that every fire will burn itself out, even without your help.”
“A jewel’s first a rock put under enormous heat and pressure. Extraordinary things are always hiding in places people never think to look. But Campbell had looked. And then he’d left me, reminding me that whatever he’d seen wasn’t worth the time or effort.”
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“I cut all my words out. My heart was too full of them.”
“She said it doesn’t matter what you do or how you do it: it’s all the same. You could drink, slice, do meth, snort coke, burn, cut, stab, slash, rip out your eyelashes, or fuck till you bleed and it’s all the same thing: self -harm.”
“I need release, I need to hurt myself more than the world can hurt me, and then I can comfort myself. There, there.”
“It’s counter-intuitive, yes? That hurting yourself makes you feel better. That somehow you can rid yourself of pain by causing yourself pain.”
“They should tell you, right when you get here, that that part of wishing is over. What we’ve done, no one will love us. Not in a normal way.”
“...angelic. And it was like the world was coated in gold from that moment on. It sparkled.”
“You own all of yourself, Charlie. Every last bit.”
“There is being alone, and then there is being alone. They are not the same thing at all.”
“That’s how hearts get broken,you know. When you believe in promises.”
“I guess you can’t really get rid of what you used to be. It kinda sticks to you.”
“I don’t feel sad. For just now, I don’t feel scared. I feel, for now, well, kind of triumphant.”
“Roar of the ocean, swirl of tornado. I’m being swallowed.”
“Nobody normal will love us.”
“Everyone seems to have a grip on life but me. When is anything going to get better?”
“We all have our Keifer stages, when we want to destroy ourselves in order to create. To see if that’s beautiful, too.”
“That’s the exquisiteness of youth: you are allowed the luxury of vanity, of self-examination. Take it! Don’t be ashamed of yourself.”
“I’m probably what happens of you lose control.”
“I don’t want to sit in a group where I’m the whole thing they’re trying to not be.”
“There are so many things wrong with you and it doesn’t matter.”
“It seems like for some people, making friends is like finding a shirt or a hat: you just figure out what color you want, see if it fits, and then take it home and hope everyone likes it and you.”
“I’ve always felt like an intrusion, a giant blob of wrong.”
“I look right at him. His eyes are dark and tired. He knows something about annihilation, too, which makes me a little less ashamed of my arms, I think.”
“Cutting or drinking, and I chose drinking.”
“The human body is a wonderful thing in all its fucked-upness.”
“Louisa said no one would love us in a normal way, but I’m still a person, and I’m aching to be touched.”
“You must have a million stories inside you.”
“She’s not a cookie, or a book, or a record on a shelf. You can’t just play with her and then put her back.”
“There is the person people see on the outside and then there is the person on the inside and then, even farther down, is that other, buried person, a naked and silent creature, not used to light.”
“We are such a terrible mess now.”
“I’m tired and angry at me. For letting myself get smaller and smaller in the hopes that he would notice me more. But how can someone notice you if you keep getting smaller?”
“Is my sadness because of him, or is my sadness because I am of him?”
“Holes. Human holes. I whip my head around the crowd, looking for a hole out of all these human holes.”
“ I stop. Is this how Ellis felt, this moment of certainty? The text messages flicker in front of my eyes.
Smthing hrts. U never sd hurt like this. 2 much. A sparkling lake of bottle glass is beneath my feet. I grind down into it. Let my skin soak up the lake of glass. How powerful am I? How powerful am I. I can grind the glass to my face, erase my eyes, eat glass, and disappear from the inside. There, the window, my hands, that hand, balled and aching. That hand, a fist, give me more, give me more glass, I can drink it all. The glass raining over me from the broken window, It feels like home.”
“This ocean of hurt and shame. The one she was drowning in. And I let her drown.”
“Colors by themselves can be story.”
“I think you are having a different sort of heartbreak. Maybe a kind of heartbreak of being in the world when you don’t know how to be.”
“I’m so unwhole. I don’t know where all the pieces of me are, how to fit them together, how to make them stick. Or if I even can.”
“Cutting is a fence you build upon your own body to keep people out but then you cry to be touched. But the fence is barbed. What then?”
“You be you, Charlotte. You be you.”
“I have to wait my bad feelings out and that means staying busy.”
“Maybe I was, in the end, just one more hurting girl for her, but she was kind to me, and she has to be kind to others, too, because even that small kindness, even for such a brief time- it was something. It was something.”
“...empty, but full, with hell.”
“Even assholes need help sometimes.”
“We were lost in a storm / The clouds gathered ahead / You were crying to me / Al the pain in your heart / I tried to give you / Sad girl / All the love I had left / but when push comes to shove / I’m as empty as the rest.”
“The hardest part is getting there.”
“We have to choose who we want to be, not let the situation choose us.”
“It is hard enough being a girl in the world, but try being a girl with scars on your skin in the world.”
“ Go be absolutely, positively, fucking angelic.”
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“Nothing contributes so much to tranquilize the mind as a steady purpose,- a point on which the soul may fix its intellectual eye.”
“Sad trash.”
“A new existence would bless me as its creator and source; many happy and excellent natures would owe their being to me. No father could claim the gratitude of his child so completely as I should deserve theirs. Pursuing these reflections, I thought that if I could bestow animation upon lifeless matter I might in process of time (although I now found it impossible) renew life where death had apparently devoted the body to corruption.”
“A human being in perfection ought to always to preserve a calm and peaceful mind and never to allow passion or a transitory desire to disturb his tranquility.”
“If the study to which you apply yourself has a tendency to weaken your affections and to destroy your taste for those simple pleasures in which no alloy can possibly mix, then that study is certainly unlawful, that is to say, not befitting the human mind.”
“But my enthusiasm was checked by my anxiety.”
“ Dear mountains! My own beautiful lake! How do you welcome your wanderer? Your summits are clear; the sky and lake are blue. Is this to prognosticate peace or to mock at my unhappiness?”
“I pictured every evil and persuaded myself that I was destined to become the most wretched of human beings.”
“So beautiful, yet terrific.”
“ The blood flowed freely in my veins, but a weight of despair and remorse pressed on my heart which nothing could remove.”
“My soul glowed with love and humanity.”
“I was a poor, helpless, miserable wretch. I knew and could distinguish nothing; but feeling pain invade me on all sides, I sat down and wept.”
“They are the most excellent creatures in the world, but, unfortunately, they are prejudiced against me. I have good dispositions; I love virtue and knowledge; my life has been hitherto harmless and in some degree beneficial; but a fatal prejudice clouds their eyes; and, where they ought to see a feeling and kind friend, they behold only a detestable monster.”
“This then was the reward of my benevolence. I had saved a human being from destruction, and, as a recompense, I now writhed under the miserable pain of a wound which shattered the flesh and bone. The feelings of kindness and gentleness, which I had entertained but a few moments before, gave place to hellish rage and gnashing of teeth- inflamed by pain, I vowed eternal hatred and vengeance to all mankind. But the agony of my wound overcame me, my pulses paused, and I fainted.”
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Quotes from my favourite book : East by Edith Pattou
“She would search for him. In the land that lay east of the sun and west of the moon. But there was no way there.”
“That's the trouble with loving a wild thing: You're always left watching the door. But you also get kind of used to it. ”
“They journeyed far and the white bear said, "Are you afraid?" "No," she replied. "I am not afraid.”
“Hafvilla. The word in the old language,” he explained. “The Vikings used it when they found they were hopelessly lost.”
“And telling a story, I suppose, is like winding a skein of spun yarn- you sometimes lose track of the beginning.”
“It was the difference between walking with a stranger and walking with your heartmate. It was the difference between working for duty and working for love.”
“Only Rose and her white bear know the whole truth of it.”
“East of the sun and west of the moon.”
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"Hafvilla. The word in the old language," he explained. "The Vikings used it when they found they were hopelessly lost."
Edith Pattou, East
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Only Rose and her white bear know the whole truth of it.
Edith Pattou, East
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We balance the world, accidentally.
Amy Zhang, This Is Where The World Ends
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It makes my heart beat so hard it feels like it's going to break a rib.
Amy Zhang, This Is Where The World Ends
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The king and queen fought and cried and the nights began to last longer and longer, because not even the sun could bear to look at them.
Amy Zhang, This Is Where The World Ends
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This is high school, and no one really wants to remember high school. In a few months, we'll walk off the stage at graduation and spend the summer together, we'll text each other for the first few weeks of college, and then we'll lose touch. And that's okay. The world is so much bigger than the two of us.
Amy Zhang, This Is Where The World Ends
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People are staring, so who cares? Who cares if I'm loud? We are young and free and careless. We are laughing and reckless and us.
Amy Zhang, This Is Where The World Ends
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You may be an idiot, but I assure you, you're quite a lovable one.
Marissa Meyer, Winter
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Life is fleeting, and we're better off not wasting time on relationships that are pretty obviously not destined to be.
Meg Cabot, Big Boned
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When I think of you, and you are not here, I see you in my mind's eye always with a book in your hand.
Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Prince
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It would be easy to abuse a person when they never recognized it as abuse.
Marissa Meyer, Scarlet
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She tried to swallow down the rising panic, this sensation that her existence was as small and unimportant as the tiniest fleck of sand blowing against her shins.
Marissa Meyer, Cress
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