rockinimpalapie - Tumblr blog

[rockinimpalapie]

"are you okay" no can we change the topic before i start oversharing

[rockinimpalapie]

reminder that being against ai also means being against character.ai and not using character.ai and not interacting with character.ai

i've never talked to chatgpt i've never talked to character.ai i have no interest in talking to a chatbot even if it's fun or based on my comfort character. if we want companies to stop using ai we need to tell them we aren't going to interact with it - so don't.

don't talk to robots. full stop.

[rockinimpalapie]

"oohhh he's biting his lip he's so sexy" bestie his lips are chapped and he's trying to find the loose piece of skin with his teeth

[rockinimpalapie]

I like messy people; people who don't fit in a box or stay between the lines, but whose integrity is greater than any rule book and whose loyalty is stronger than blood.

Jim Wern

[rockinimpalapie]

Jensen Ackles | SXSW Film Festival, March 12, 2022 | Austin, Texas.

[rockinimpalapie]

i can’t believe they literally showed up to a crime scene like this and said hi we’re in the fbi

[rockinimpalapie]

♡ girlbossing ♡

[rockinimpalapie]

Back to school 🐈‍⬛📚✨

[rockinimpalapie]

Oh, so cute!

Paperdoll Rose!

She's not exactly that posable but she also comes with a monarch butterfly :3

(Also bonus Penny from Go Go Hypergrind)

[rockinimpalapie]

He's getting bullied on roblox

[rockinimpalapie]

one of my favorite x files things is when they say spooky in reference to mulder like they’re calling him a slur

[rockinimpalapie]

Everyone say thank you american indigenous people for cultivating corn, potatoes, peppers, tomatoes, cacao, pumpkin, squash, and anything i missed. Makes life more meaningful globally

[rockinimpalapie]

spn september prompt: rodeo

➥ yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!

[rockinimpalapie]

every day i post something like "please god make the world a less terrible place to live. please let people be able to afford things again" but it keeps getting worse

[rockinimpalapie]

Thank you, I appreciate you taking the time to respond, and so kindly, too. I never mean any harm, and I'm so glad that my post has the tone that I intended for it to have. It feels like the veil has been lifted, like the "rose-colored" glasses have been ripped off my face.

I found that post and a couple of other blogs during my initial search for proof that he'd called Cas a r*tarded angel (if I did find solid proof, like video evidence or a tweet... all other things aside, it would be the one thing to turn me into a Misha anti). I wasn't aware of those things at all. All this time, I thought Misha was just so wholesome and that he was supposedly this warm, hug-loving guy. I'd had negative experiences with GISHWHES as well, but I hadn't realized that some items/tasks involved harrassing people! It makes me feel a little sick.

I'd always been a Destiel shipper, but it's always been innocent, or as innocent as an asexual bucket of babyface can make it. I was really touched when Cas gave his final "I love you" speech to Dean. It can be hard to separate the actors from the characters, and all those gross actions and comments from Misha about Destiel and how visibly uncomfortable Jensen is about it all makes me question if it's a ship I can continue to enjoy within context (or subtext because it wasn't reciprocated) of the show, or if it's always going to be connected to "Cockles" and Misha lying and sexually assaulting Jensen.

Fortunately, this has not harmed my love for Cas. I've made his 3-episode love of bees part of me and my artist "brand" (Nenechama on here and DeviantART, if you'd like to see how I've made it part of my brand). "Dude. On my car. He showed up naked... covered in bees!"

Thank you again. I definitely feel better after having written my post and having such kind people reach out to me. I almost didn't post it because I was worried about the "Mishamigos" coming for my head... but I'm glad I did.

I need to know. CW: Not-great question about Misha Collins.

I don't want to make posts like this, but I need to know. A deeply concerning post showed up on the front page for me this morning. I've been searching for a couple of hours now for proof... because I need it. When and where did "Mishmash" say that Castiel was a r*tarded angel in relevance to the "headcanoned" autism? I'm not "asking for a friend". I'm asking for me, an autistic person who has been a blind-ass J2M fan since 2014. A blind-ass fan who doesn't pay enough attention to what happened outside the show/off set. After everything else I've learned, I feel as if someone has died. I've met this man a few times... and somehow, I continued to be his fan even when my lasting memories of him are NEGATIVE (you can read about them under the cut). I'm too old to be this naive.

I had mildly negative experiences with him at MinnCon 2017 and MinnCon 2018 (mostly some off-color comments and being ignored in favor of my louder, meaner "friend" who claimed to be afraid of him because she watched Karla), but what left me with the deep, lasting cringe (and not the fun kind) was what happened at VanCon 2019.

If you watch his panel at VanCon 2019, you'll hear a soft voice (me!) say into the microphone, "Hi, Misha", more than once and get talked over because even when there's a pause and it seems like he's done talking to the previous person, he just kept FUCKING TALKING! I almost walked away, and you know what? I should've.

Sure, I ended up asking the dumbest question in the universe ("do you know how to z-snap?") because it was being encouraged by my "friends", but seriously? I KNOW that asshat heard me.

He later apologized during autographs for giving me a hard time. I forgave him because that's socially acceptable, I guess. I told him that I'm autistic and how much I love Castiel and relate to his struggles (chill, I was there for like 30 seconds). I really wanted to feel like it was a good interaction, but I walked away feeling... not good. At all. This is why it's SO IMPORTANT that I get this proof... because if he said that about Castiel, how does he feel about autistic people/people with autism (depending on your preference) like me and in general? Shit, did I really air my vulnerability to an ableist creep because I thought he was "safe"?

[rockinimpalapie]

Can I ask you your experience at conventions? Did you meet J2M or just Misha?

Hi! Of course you can. I have a lot to share. I met J2M and many of the other cast members (you can ask me about interaction with any specific cast member in other messages, if you'd like. I love getting asks). It wasn't their fault specifically, but I didn't have what I'd call a "good time" at these conventions. I went to multiple because I hoped that my experience would be better. That it would be different this time... and it wasn't. There's always loud music during photo ops and autographs. It was too loud to talk or tell them the pose that I wanted for photo ops. It was too loud for them to hear me say "thank you". This is a long reply, so I put the experiences under the "keep reading".

Before I talk about my experiences with J2M, I would like to begin with saying that I don't hate any of them. I'm not a fan of CE conventions, but I don't necessarily hate them, either. Would I go to another CE con? Not likely. Many people have amazing experiences at these conventions, but I just found CE conventions to be highly overstimulating.

With Misha, even when I wasn't with that toxic waste monster of a friend (who will remain unnamed because even though I feel that people should be warned about her, I'll never say her name because that's just not the kind of woman I grew to be), he was always focused on someone else. It wasn't his handler (lol, that makes him sound like a zoo animal, but that's what that person was called!) or the photographer... it was always another fan who hadn't left yet. So while other fans might've had a great experience with him, if I was right after them, I got the short end of the stick. 50/50, I can't blame him, but also... I can, a little. That other fan's time was up in the panel Q&A.

Jensen has always been my favorite. I'm a "Dean girl", through and through. I don't think it's enough to be called a "stan", though. I had the most positive experiences with him. His attention was on me, he called me sweetheart, gave me a hug, and during autos at VanCon, when my voice began to shake as I was trying to talk to him (nothing heavy, I'm just a nervous, shaky person), he held my hands and said just what I needed to hear in that moment (that I was a strong, smart, and beautiful person and that I could do this, and could do anything). He did not even have to do that. I wasn't expecting it. He wasn't obligated to say a thing. I was so blown away (and a bit confused) by his kindness.

Most of my interactions with Jared were pretty awkward. At MinnCon 2017, I brought a poster for them all to autograph. I wasn't aware that it was photoshopped until Jared said something about it. He said, about Castiel, something like, "oh, the ugly angel guy in the trench coat wasn't even there for that photo". He then ignored me and looked past me (when it was still my turn) at my toxic waste monster friend and said, "and you brought me such a beautiful woman!". Oh. Huh. Okay. Whatever.

At VanCon 2019, I had a J2 op that I shared with a stranger to cut costs. This was an awkward experience but ... not all negative. I was 330 lbs and hated the way that I looked. I just wanted a hug from Jensen, that was it, so I told him that I didn't want to show my face, and Jared overheard. At my solo Jared op, he asked me if I wanted a hug, and he gave me a hug (one that hid my face), and I was confused because I didn't see the flash. That's the photo I thought I wanted; what gives? Then, he held me at arms' length and said, "No. I want to see your pretty face." That was oddly sweet, and it ended up being a really cute photo.

I was one of the first people in Silver to get Jared's autograph at VanCon 2019. Like with Misha, I told Jared about my autism and how I appreciated him and how kind and patient he was with me, and while I wasn't expecting much (because he has no obligation to say anything either), I got even less. He just nodded and said, "thank you" and turned his attention to the next person. At the time, that felt... not good. I wasn't upset, nervous, crying, etc., and I just felt... brushed off. I don't know how so many people get so much more attention, not that I wanted it, I was just... y'know, I don't even know why I felt the need to disclose the autism. I think I just felt bad for causing (what I thought was) a problem during photo ops, and just... not being able to make solid eye contact or talk or act like a normal person. Before therapy, it was hard not to feel like a problem, so... I was always apologizing, explaining myself, overexplaining, letting people walk all over me, etc., I am the way that I am because of a disability.

This reply is getting unexpectedly long. If you need me to elaborate on anything or have any other questions, I'd love to hear from you.

[rockinimpalapie]

idk what traumatized or mentally ill person needs to hear this but dreams (especially the really disturbing ones you dont want to talk about to anybody) arent some deep peek into your psyche or a sign of your True Desires or whatever theyre quite literally your brain making fruit salad with whatever it can find on the shelf. just putting all that shit in a blender and hitting obliterate. its fine, youre fine, youre not a weirdo for it