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akndrck47·:

You actually read it?! Dude, that’s so fucking awesome. Oh I don’t think you were looking hard enough there’s tons of things to roast me on in there. I guess you’re just a nice guy and I’m fine with it. Of course you can employ me to ghost write for you. I’m going to need to know everything about your life and then I’ll get to work for you. I won’t tell a soul isn’t that the point of ghost writing? I do all the work, you get all the credit, we split the money. Wins for everyone. Your book wont flop with me writing it, so have no fear! I’ve got this.

Yeah, of course I did! I’m a guy that follows through with his promises! Okay, maybe there was some stuff in there that was roast worthy but I like to think I’m pretty nice and only roast people who really deserve it. Thank god because otherwise, the whole thing would be tragically boring. I’m trusting you to spice it up and make it look good because honestly, there’s not much to tell. I think a 50/50 split is something I can get on board with, I’m definitely not going to cheat you out of the cash on this, especially if it sells. I have a feeling it’s going to fly off the shelves and if it doesn’t... I’d say I’d send someone after you but I don’t think I have the heart to do that.

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meganzfoxy·:

hey handsome, i think that sounds like a perfect idea. i do love a man that want to spoil me with not only gifts but affection too. dinner, petals and candles? serenade? oh honey, you’re going to get very lucky if you do all that for me. i think making it official that way is going to be absolutely perfect. i am hurt you even thought i’d say no to such an amazing offer. you might have to kiss it better now.

I really hope you liked it – I know it was probably pretty dorky but hey, if I can’t be myself in a relationship, is it really a good relationship? And since I was out of town for your birthday, maybe we can do something for that soon too. Like a little weekend getaway somewhere nice, if you want. Okay, I didn’t think you’d say no, I just thought you might find it kind of cheesy. I’m just glad you enjoyed it and... well, I hope I did enough kissing to make it better. So what do you think about going somewhere extra warm this coming weekend? The beaches in California are nice this time of year...

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You can call me super duper cheesy and make fun of me if you want but I want to take you on a really romantic date. I’m thinking like, a private dinner and a little serenade and rose petals and candles. Just the whole nine. We’ve been dating for a while now and I thought, you know, what if we made it official the right way? I know I’m not the most charming guy in the world, but I want to try for you. So do you would you want to do something like that? I think I should throw in that if you say no, it might hurt my feelings just a little bit.

[ @meganzfoxy​​ ]

[robbenedictz]

I finally finished your memoir and now I’m here to roast you. Except not really because there weren’t any roast-able offenses in the book I could find. Now I’m just wondering if I can employ you to like, ghost write my memoir. You’re definitely the kind of person who could add a little pizzaz to my otherwise boring life. You just can’t tell anyone you wrote it because I want people to think I’m actually funny. At the very least, you gotta teach me your ways. I’m not trying to publish a book that would just end up being a total flop. I’ve had enough embarrassment for one lifetime.

[ @akndrck47​ ]

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meganzfoxy·:

you do so much for me. and you know, don’t worry robert. i will make sure to have some old man cereal at my house too, so you can feel right at home when you’re over there. ugh, sounds awful. not ready for those teen years at all. i might put a bell on you just to hear you coming and knowing it’s you, we don’t want any more karate chopping happening. wow, why doesn’t he just tug at my ponytails or something? that nerd. i like hanging out with you rob. be that brunch or other things. i was also thinking, my birthday’s coming up in a few weeks and my sons are coming to visit then. maybe you want to hang out with us?

Thanks for that – nothing says home like a box of Raisin Bran on the counter, right? Man, I thought the teenage years would be kind of fun and sometimes they are, but sometimes they’re too cool for dad and all that stuff. Smart idea – I really don’t want any broken bones and I have this feeling you could snap me in half if you really wanted to. It’s because he prefers to use his words over physical intimidation because he’s not actually that scary, let’s face it. I like hanging out with you too – dating you, really. Is it? Yeah, that’d actually be really awesome and I’d love to do that. How old are your sons again? I feel kind of stupid for asking and it’s not like it matters, but just so I know whether I need to get extra sleep or not. They might run me ragged...

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meganzfoxy·:

old man cereal? oh they burn you good, rob. but i am not picky really, i like variation that’s all. just be sure to now and then get some fruit loops in there, in case i feel like eating a rainbow. oh my god that’s the most hilarious thing i’ve ever heard. it sounds like something that would happen in a comedy show, i’m so sad i wasn’t there to witness it. i promise though i won’t try and do a sneak attack or anything just to see something like this. i’ll behave. he really did, and yes, he is a concerned dad. it’s very cute. i kind of feel like a teenager again hiding from my father that i’m having sex. i do hope he approves of me though, i mean, i think i’m pretty great at many things. i did enjoy our very special brunch. and you know.. the food was nice too.

Fruit Loops are officially added to the list – I’ll try not to buy too much Raisin Bran so you don’t go totally crazy. And hey – they’re teenagers. They like to hate on their old man. It was scary! I thought I was going to get my ass handed to me by someone almost half a foot shorter than me! I would’ve let her too honestly because I probably should’ve given some kind of warning. God, he’s so embarrassing – I know he approves or he wouldn’t be giving you so much crap all the time. That’s his way of saying he likes you, kind of like a kindergartener. You are... pretty great at a lot of things. The brunch was... okay, arguably one of the best mornings of my life. And like you said, the food was pretty awesome, but... definitely not better than the other stuff.

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akndrck47·:

A guitar playing couch potato? We’ll get along just fine. I don’t play guitar but I feel like just about every person I meet does. You’re all in a club aren’t you? It’s fine, I’ll be out here on my island making my own clubs. I wouldn’t, but I could find a way to warn you since we’re friends now and I don’t harm my friends. Oh you did? God I’m sorry for you deep diving into my life like that but I’m glad you’re enjoying it and can relate to some of it too. It was fun to write, really not as horrible as I thought it was going to be to recount my life like that. Oh don’t pick a favorite, just enjoy everything like I’m doing. It’s much easier this way and you don’t have to worry about hurting anyone’s feelings. Except I’m avoiding Beach Burrito until I can no longer resist since everyone suggested I go there instead of Taco Bell and I just feel like being bitter about. Me, stage a trap to make you have a heart attack? I mean, maybe. I was raised by Aubrey after all, but no. It’s too soon for all that right so you’re good for now. Well thanks again! Glad you’re enjoying it. I would suggest everyone do something like at least once in their life. 

That’s right! The best kind of couch potato! Hey, I could teach you if you ever wanted to learn. It’s not exactly like, an easy skill to master but even if you play a little bit, you can join the club. I’ll join your clubs! I mean, as long as they’re clubs I can feasibly join. Aw, we’re friends? Really? I’m glad you admitted to it because I was starting to be like, okay, maybe I’m totally misreading this as friendship when really all this girl wants to do is get rid of me. I kind of wish I had something interesting to write about because I feel pretty inspired here, but my life has been pretty boring. I guess I could just make some shit up and pretend it actually happened. Love it – I don’t like hurting feelings or making decisions so this is a perfect plan. Aw, c’mon – Beach Burrito is pretty awesome but I guess I can understand. It’s like when 20 people tell you to watch something on TV but all you wanna do is rewatch something you know will be good. Kinda. Geez, remind me not to piss you off then – who knows what kind of tricks are up those sleeves! I’m seriously considering it now – I’ll dedicate the book to you, obviously.

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Apocalyptic Louden Swain Saturday Night Special SPN NJCON22

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meganzfoxy·:

i say this is working out perfectly. i do love myself some good cereal. especially if you have brands i never buy. i might just go looking around in your kitchen to see what you got for me. i am very fond of my nipples and yours so yes, let’s do it. absolutely, i do love some cheese with every compliment thank you. wait, who judo chopped you in the throat? this sounds like an amazing story you have to tell me. also, i have been told misha is having spies around to check up on us so i don’t break your heart or something so i plan to be extra cute to you, just so you’re aware of it. anyway, i think we should go out to dinner this weekend and then have brunch. in bed.

I think so too – you might have to start telling me which kinds you like though so I can make sure I buy them. Otherwise you might get stuck with what my kids call “old man cereal”. Oh, you like mine too? I’m glad the feeling is mutual – we have a great pair of nipples. Uh, I mean, I guess it’s kind of a lame story honestly. An ex of mine forgot she gave me a key to her place and I went over there to surprise her after she got off of her flight... but I ended up scaring her and she definitely used those self defense moves on me. Ouch. Ugh, he did? I swear, he’s like a concerned dad all the fucking time which is stupid because I’m older than him! Hey, I like that idea – we should go to that really fancy place on the water tomorrow night. Brunch in bed tomorrow morning though, I think... that’d be really nice. 

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meganzfoxy·:

i would love a key to your place. just promise to not take it back once i start letting myself in, stealing your clothes and eating cereal straight from the box in your kitchen. it will happen rob, i’m sorry. i think you are a gentleman, absolutely. let me have this, please. i do live on the beach and you know i’m going to bring you there for a little tan and water play. it’s still cold enough to freeze my nipples off but it might be fun anyway. you’re cute, you know that right? and don’t ever worry about sounding cheesy. i love my men with some cheese, you know. plus, you might as well have a key to my place too so you can stay if you want. 

I’ll get one made tomorrow then – and hey, you know what? I think that all works out because I open boxes of cereal and forget about them. I could use a little help making sure they don’t go stale. Alright, alright, who am I to argue? Hey, I love that, but let’s try to keep your nipples intact. It’d be a real shame if we lost those, huh? Cute? You’re funny. I think you’re talking about yourself there, pretty lady. So you’re giving me permission to cheese it up every chance I get? Fine by me. I’m going to make sure I’m the cheesiest sucker you’ve ever met. A key for a key? I like it. Just don’t freak out and judo chop me in the throat because you forgot you gave it to me – happened once, it wasn’t fun.

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meganzfoxy·:

yeah, so good to be home isn’t it? i mean, apart from the fact that we don’t sleep in the same bed anymore. i woke up this morning all confused, firstly because the ground was… well, not moving and then most importantly because you weren’t there. didn’t make for a very fun morning. take me for another date? hm… yeah, i think i can be convinced to go on a date with you here too. i do like a gentleman that treats me well. both with dates and… well, other things. i was thinking there’s some beautiful places here at the beach outside where we can enjoy the sunset. then maybe if you want… you can come spend the night.

It’s nice but yeah, it’s definitely a little... lonelier. I mean, okay, you can tell me if this is too much but if you want a key to my place, I can definitely make you a copy. You know, in case you can’t sleep and need a little company at night. Oh, did you actually have to think about it? I, uh, don’t think I’d call myself a gentleman but I definitely like taking you on dates so I guess it works out anyway. I definitely... aim to please when I can. Oh yeah, you live right on the beach, right? That’d be really nice to spend some time out there, especially with how nice the weather has been. And I’m definitely not going to say no to staying the night... however many nights you want me to say, actually. Wow, okay, that sounded way too cheesy, huh? I’m gonna shut my mouth now.

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akndrck47·:

Aw, well thank you! I pride myself on giving off this illusion that I’m fun and cool but in reality I’m just an old boring couch potato and I’m fine with it. I won’t track you a town over so I think that’s a safe plan if you end up hating the movie or the show or the book even for that matter. God, if you hate the book you really just hate me as a person and our friendship will be over before it ever really started. I know, I don’t live to play fair though so I just thought I’d make you suffer a bit. I felt the same way about all the food though and will not be picking a favorite for the same reason. I’m glad they didn’t either, but I kind of would’ve have really enjoyed calling Cody in a panic. Oh well, there’s escape rooms here in town and I’m sure I could bribe someone to lock us in so that we can be rescued at some point. Oh good, happy reading my friend! I’ll just be hiding in my house anxiously waiting for your feedback.

That’s probably why I think you’re cool and fun – I’m also kind of a couch potato or I’m just sitting around strumming a guitar. Okay, good, but you’re not just saying that to throw me off, right? I, uh, guess you wouldn’t tell me if you were though because that would kind of defeat the purpose. I’m sure I’ll like all of it though so we won’t have to worry about that! Especially the book though – I started reading it and can I just say, I’m already cracking up and a lot of the subject matter hits close to home too. Okay, fair enough, fair enough. I needed to add a little bit of suffering in to spice up my life anyway. Now I just get to struggle with picking a favorite place in town I like – don’t even start asking me questions about what I like best here because I wouldn’t know what to tell ya. I’m starting to get a little nervous this is just some kind of plan to kidnap me, lock me up then scare me into a heart attach with your macho wrestler buddy. Hey, so far, so good. I’m really liking the book! Like I said, it’s relatable. Kinda digging the fact you wrote this all on a whim.

[robbenedictz]

akndrck47·:

I don’t think I’m super boring just like normal amounts of boring, you know like everyone. It is a pretty big boat though, to be fair. So you could in theory hide from me and it’d end up working out I’m sure. You’ll be better than me and that’s all that really matters so thank you again for taking this off my hands. Oh yeah, what’s been your favorite menu so far? I’m just sad I can’t eat at literally every place. I think if anyone could find a way to lock me up forever they’d do it though and since you’re going with me you’ll be doomed to the same fate. So yeah, if we don’t get out on our own fate is in the hands of a guy I spent the entire day trying to annoy. This might have been the worst idea of all time.

No, I don’t even get the sense you’re even a little bit boring. You know, you’re probably right, but now I have the whole town to hide again and if I need to get in my car and go to the next town over, I might have to do it. Oh, I don’t know about that but I’ll try my best to live up to the hype. That’s not even a fair question – there was so much great food everywhere we went, I was in love with it all. I’m glad they didn’t lock us up in the end because as much fun as I had, I don’t think I’d want to be stuck on that boat in an escape room for the rest of my life. Also super glad we didn’t have to call on the guy you like to annoy but I kind of have this feeling he would have helped us anyway. Now that we’re back though, I’m ordering that book and getting ready for the roast. 

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meganzfoxy·:

oh sir i know you don’t mind catching a slip. you know, i do like breakfast in bed but this café you took me to today was absolutely amazing. totally instagram friendly, as the young people would say. and i do hope we’ll have some more dates. you think so? yeah, i think so too. you don’t mind that people know we’re dating, right? just wanna make sure. because.. i really like dating you. and you know, have things happen. i know we kind of did some PDA while looking at that beautiful view over the waterfall but i don’t think we bothered anyone else but some birds. thank you for today. you wanna catch a movie tonight?

That café was definitely awesome and we got some good shots for Instagram, didn’t we? Honestly, the whole trip was a blast and I’m glad I got to spend it with you. No, no! I don’t mind at all – I’m actually really glad you like dating me because I’ll be honest, I didn’t think someone like you would ever go for someone like me. Ah, forget the birds, they probably weren’t even paying attention. The movie was great, by the way, and I’m glad we got to spend the rest of the trip just kicking back and relaxing. Now that we’re home though, I hope you’ll let me take you on more dates. I don’t want to overdo it or anything, but going out with you is really fun. I think I’m going to miss waking up next to you every morning – a lot. 

[robbenedictz]

Rob Benedict attending the Captain’s Farewell Ball on The Cruise - April 17, 2022

— with Megan Fox ( @meganzfoxy )

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akndrck47·:

Yeah, that just doesn’t seem like a good way to spend time on a cruise, you know? You can avoid me in town much easier anyway. We’d probably die of boredom without HBO so I’m glad we have it. It’s called Love Life. I’m in season 1 but I produce the show and season 2 was really good too. I support you as the president of the fan club, it’s better than me doing it. I was starting to look pathetic. Yeah and there’s so much to do here, reading can wait until next week for sure. Oh trust me, there’s lots of good reasons to roast me so enjoy the roasting when it comes. I’m not either, do they let you out if you don’t get out in the time limit? Or are we just going to be stuck in there forever? Either way, I’m rooming with a wrestler, so I’ll just text him or something and he can punch the door down. I’m pretty sure he can do that.

Maybe if you’re like, super boring or something. Which I’ve been told that before but I’m pretty sure they were just trying to hurt my feelings. Exactly! I only have so many places to hide on this boat. Awesome – I’ll check it out! I need some new TV shows to watch anyway. I can’t say I’ll be a good president, but I’ll try to fill those shoes the best I can. The only thing I’m reading while I’m here is a menu with a lot of killer food on it. Just remember you’re giving me permission which means you can’t come after me once the roasting starts! I don’t actually know... I think they legally have to let you out or it’s considered holding people hostage. But yeah, just in case, have your wrestler friend on standby. I’m not taking any chances. 

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meganzfoxy·:

of course and it’s the best things we enjoy. i trust us enough to pick the right things and no regrets. yep, no nip slip here… well, not for everyone to see anyway. it really was, wasn’t it? maybe we should just have all breakfasts in bed for the rest of the trip. i wouldn’t mind. i know, right? let’s do it. you really don’t care who might see? well.. i don’t either. but i have to warn you, too much PDA? not happening mister. though take me back to our room and.. well, you know, things can happen.

Exactly – I think no matter what we choose, it’s the right choice. Save the nip slips for later... I don’t mind if I catch a glimpse though. I mean, I won’t say no to that. Nothing better than having food delivered straight to your door. Except tomorrow – tomorrow we’re going to one of those romantic cafés for breakfast. As, you know, a date. No, I don’t mind at all – I think people are starting to catch on around here anyway. Yeah, I’m not a big PDA person myself – not like some people I know anyway. Oh, yeah, I mean, alright... I do like it when things happen. So, besides a romantic breakfast, what’s on the agenda for tomorrow? The sun buggy tour sounds kind of awesome if you ask me.