rivanwarrioress

[rivanwarrioress]

One of the most dangerous things in the world is not being able to say no to people because you don't want to upset them or dissapoint them. This will completely ruin your life in every way possible, at work, in your private life, your sex life and your friendships. It's a way of removing your own consent in your own decisions and go against your wishes, it is always a crime against yourself. Let yourself have a say. Upsetting people is better than traumatizing yourself.

[rivanwarrioress]

Posts that would be found on the Sunnydale High meme account, in roughly chronological order:

[rivanwarrioress]

It's been 24 years since The Great Battle of Hogwarts🪄

[rivanwarrioress]

The Honolulu Advertiser, Hawaii, April 19, 1923

[rivanwarrioress]

Jason *struggling not to laugh*: bruce. you aren’t gonna believe what i just did.

Bruce: jason, what did you do?

Jason: so i bought a ton of these thumb drives

Bruce: yeah

Jason: and mailed them out to a ton of different villains

Bruce: yeah

Jason: each labelled “how to kill Batman” or “Batman’s secret identity”

Bruce: YOU WHAT

Jason: no no no calm down- they’re full of viruses

Bruce: …what

*Dick walks in*

Jason: dick did you hear what i did? oh my god did you hear what i did?

Tim: hey, you didn’t do it alone.

Jason: sorry. yeah, tim helped me, ti-tim helped me- OH MY GOD IT’S SO FUNNY. i dunno why i went around killing people, this is the. best. revenge. ever. and ohmygod y’know how we just busted that huge underground hacking scheme? well they were the people villains would go to for computer stuff. and all of them are in prison. this is my greatest achievement ever. except making Batman cry.

[rivanwarrioress]

I love how all of the Batman villains are like “ah he’s not at the manor, it’s defenseless! and then alfred just racks an AK-47 and is like pull up bitch

[rivanwarrioress]

For when you just need to get rid of as many arrows as possible...

[rivanwarrioress]

[rivanwarrioress]

THIS IS THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN

[rivanwarrioress]

A concept: Bingley buying Darcy a golden retriever because once upon a time Darcy had called him that. So now whenever Darcy has to return to Pemberly after tedious work, a golden retriever greets him with enthusiasm just as Bingley would.

Golden retrievers didn’t exist during the Regency, but I see your point.

[rivanwarrioress]

M E R R Y  C H R I S T M A S 

[rivanwarrioress]

[rivanwarrioress]

Love how tumblr has its own folk stories. Yeah the God of Arepo we’ve all heard the story and we all still cry about it. Yeah that one about the woman locked up for centuries finally getting free. That one about the witch who would marry anyone who could get her house key from her cat and it’s revealed she IS the cat after the narrator befriends the cat.

[rivanwarrioress]

There’s a serial killer in your town. Unfortunately for them you are a necromancer and you have fun driving that maniac insane.

[rivanwarrioress]

hmmm

[rivanwarrioress]

Jason as those AO3 authors who have the worst tragedies happening to them and yet still continues to pump out his new chapter every week

Some poor, unbeknownst Gothamite: “My favorite fanfic writer hasn’t posted or updated any of their fanfic in like four years. I don’t want to bug them but I’m always hoping for them to come back. I hope their okay :( ”

Jason, in between cutting off right hand mens heads and antagonize black mask, like Really Living It Up: “hey, sorry, guys! I know it’s been forever! I literally died and clawed my way back from zombiehood, but I’m back now! Hope you enjoy this new chapter!”

[rivanwarrioress]

[JL Watchtower]

Batman: *alert, expression grave* We have an emergency.

Superman: *springing into action* Let’s go, you can tell me the details on the way –

Batman: It’s me. I’m the emergency.

Superman: *frowning, examining Batman with x-ray vision* No broken bones, no internal bleeding… what’s wrong?

Batman: I think I’m drunk.

Superman:

Superman: You don’t drink.

Batman: I had canned coffee. From the pantry. There’s crateloads of them.

Superman: *remembering Flash’s newest concoction* Oh

Batman: At first I thought I was just being affected by the sugar.

Superman: *remembering Flash mentioning that he had them specially made for his high metabolism* Oh no

Batman: You know I don’t consume much sugar, Clark. I’m not used to it. I thought it was The Sugar Rush™

Superman: How much did you drink?

Batman: I’d already drunk two cans when I read the fine print. I –

Batman: *clutching Superman’s shoulder, carefully enunciating* I imbibed two whole cans, Clark. Of metahuman-grade Irish Coffee.

Superman: *supporting Batman’s free arm, keeping him from acquainting his face with the floor* Oh no

Batman: I feel strange. I made small talk in the cafeteria. I might’ve cracked a joke at some point. I almost told Green Lantern he did a good job on the last mission.

Superman: Wow

Batman: But he didn’t do a good job, Clark.

Superman: *lips pursed, corners twitching* Mhm

Batman: My mental faculties have been compromised. I feel… bubbly.

Superman: *controlling his breathing*

Batman: I cannot be seen bubbly, Clark. I’m Batman.

Superman: *shoulders shaking, eyes glistening*

Batman: You need to get me out of here before I run around the cafeteria complimenting everyone.

Superman: Okay, just – give me a sec –

Superman: *sniffling* I’m memorizing every detail of this conversation so I can replay it forever

+

[Later, at the Batcave]

Superman: *flies in with Batman in a bridal lift*

Batkids: !!!!!!!!!

Nightwing: We received his emergency alert –

Red Hood: What the fuck happened –?

Nightwing: – he wasn’t responding –

Robin: Is Father conscious –?

Red Robin: I’m getting Alfred –

Superman: GUYS, guys, calm down

Superman: *puts Batman down on his feet* B’s just drunk.

Batman: *stands straight, dusts his shoulders, opens his arms*

Batman: Daddy’s home.

Nightwing:

Robin:

Red Robin: Okay, pause everything, I’m getting a camera *runs off*

Red Hood: *unblinking* Is this real

Batman: How are you boys this fine evenin’?

Robin: It’s 4 AM

Nightwing: Why is he speaking with a southern accent?

Superman: He’s been cycling through accents since liftoff. No idea why.

Red Robin: *returning with an 8K camera in hand* BEHOLD, the reclusive Gotham Bat in his natural habitat…

Batman: *staring at the lens, hands lifting his cape open at shoulder-height*

Batman: *fangs bared* I bid you velcome.

Red Hood: *still unblinking, unmoving* This is the best day of my entire life