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[ritamariealan]

Rules for the Hazbin Hotel, authored by Vaggie:

1. No drugs.

2. No fights.

3. No pranks.

4. No problematic language.

5. No murder (OR TERRITORIAL GENOCIDE WHAT THE FUCK ANGEL)

6. No smuggling in of drugs. Not by sticking them up your ass. Or by hiding them in a pizza box. Or by slingshotting them to the roof. Or getting someone else to. Not at all.

7. No sexual rendezvous with outsiders in the hotel. No SHOWING sexual rendezvous with strangers to people of the hotel either.

8. Make sure the pig/future pets stay in the patron’s room. (This includes eggs!!)

9. No singing Limit singing to once twice per day

10. Stop flirting with the bartender Angel

11. Don’t call Husk “Husker” unless he allows it.

12. No harassing the staff at all. This includes asking who tops.

13. Don’t suggest anything sexual/romantic to Alastor unless you want your head cut off.

14. NO CUTTING OFF PEOPLE’S HEADS

15. NO EATING PEOPLE

16. NO MAKING CHARLIE CRY.

17. Don’t ask me to put my spear “inside you” Angel, what the fuck?

18. Don’t turn the interior of the hotel into a swamp?! Keep it contained in your room if you must!

19. No stabbing staff or residents. No matter how much they look like bugs! (OR IF THEYRE NAME IS ANGEL)

20. Don’t try and stab bugs if they’re within 10 feet of another demon.

21. Don’t call anyone a “bitch” OR TALK ABOUT HOW MY NAME SOUNDS LIKE “VAGINA”

22. Limit Niffty’s access to sharp objects.

23. NO DEALS ALASTOR

24. No drinking. Limit drinking at bar.

25. No mentioning the Stock Market Crash of 1929. For everyone’s benefit.

26. Don’t blow a hole in the wall.

27. Try to keep roast battles OUTSIDE the hotel. (Or stop picking fights?? Please Alastor I swear to God…)

28. No spying on the hotel for outside sources or putting technology that can be used against us.

29. No evil laughing in the middle of the night, what the fuck Alastor?

30. No building weapons/war machines.

31. No eggs! (Fine the eggs can stay.)

32. Someone please keep an eye on Niffty. (And the eggs.)

33. Stop touching people ANGEL.

34. Don’t make other people storm off HUSK.

35. Respect boundaries.

36a. If Angel looks like he’s about to pass out/cry don’t comment. Let him do his thing.

36b. Don’t try to talk to Angel if he’s on the phone with Valentino. Honestly don’t even mention his phone calls with Valentino.

37. Please don’t call Lucifer “Daddy”

38. Don’t turn into a 20 foot tall demon-eating creature unless absolutely necessary.

39. Don’t cause angry loan sharks to show up at the front door.

40. NO EXPLOSIONS!

41. Rule #2, “No fights” can be broken if the person you’re fighting is Valentino. Or Adam.

42. Don’t lie to your girlfriend or hide the fact you were secretly an angel.

43. DONT TALK ABOUT PEOPLE’S TITS (or lack of)

44. KNOCK BEFORE ENTERING A BEDROOM ESPECIALLY IF SOMEONE’S HAVING MAKEUP SEX

45. Don’t give people makeovers while they’re sleeping, ANGEL!

46. Don’t pretend to eat someone’s pet, ALASTOR

47. Don’t die.

48. I never want to hear the words “cum-plete” again.

49. STOP HAVING FIGHTS ACROSS THE BUILDING LUCIFER AND ALASTOR!!

50. If Charlie is passed out on the couch LET HER SLEEP

51. No making bombs in the hotel Cherri!

52. Stop breaking rules and then saying it’s “FOR SIR PENTIOUS!”

53. Angel don’t try to shoot someone if they break spaghetti.

54. Don’t break spaghetti. Or “ruin” Italian food. Whatever the fuck that means. This apparently includes pineapple on pizza.

55. Don’t mention Valentino unless Angel brings him up first.

56. Don’t comment on Angel and Husk’s flirting.

57. Only call Angel “Anthony” if things are serious (or if you’re Husk)

58. Don’t use any of the nicknames Husk and Angel use for each other. This includes but is not limited to: “Whiskers”, “Legs”, “Kitty”, “Webs”, “Tony”, “Love”, and “Baby.”

59. It’s better not to question whatever facts Husk gives about his past.

60. Family dinners at 6 pm unless you can’t make it due to prior obligation. Game nights after on Sundays.

61. No hunting people for sport and NO KNIFE MONOPOLY.

62. Don’t attach knives to a roomba so you can have a “boyfriend” Niffty.

63. Keep Niffty away from Roombas.

64. Alastor, treat people with decency. Really, it’s not that hard.

65. No making giant ducks that breathe fire to chase people around the hotel just because they call you short.

66. Therapy. Everyone.

67. DONT HAVE SEX ON THE BAR WHAT THE FUCK GUYS?!

68. If Valentino enters the property you have permission to stab him.

69. “Hell is forever” is bullshit. You guys aren’t. You can do this.

[ritamariealan]

Velvette:

Valentino:

Vox:

Vox is clearly the CEO of manspreading

[ritamariealan]

This is proof that Vox is a bottom.

No, I will not elaborate.

alastor sitting daintily with his legs crossed like a 🎀pretty princess🎀 vs vox manspreading in his gamer ass man cave is my fav thing ever

[ritamariealan]

After Work（VOXAL）

What if Alastor said yes to Vox's invitation 7 years ago？

Here's the scene~ Hope you enjoy!

[ritamariealan]

We talk about Creole/Cajun Cowboy Alastor -complete with that perfect southern Cajun/creole accent- but do we REALLY talk about it enough??!

Like, I mean down to the tiniest mannerisms and details. How Alastor probably was out in his family’s feilds putting in WORK everyday when he was younger or how he might’ve had such a heavy accent that everyone swooned when he’d speak -especially the ladies- and how he probably had to work 1000x harder to hide it when he started as a radio show host?!??!?

And don’t get me started on the natural charm…we all know he’s got it already but ADD in the southern aspects and you’ve got a whole new Alastor!!! I’m so certain his accent comes out when he’s reallll upset or agitated or if he’s reminiscing about his past -specifically his mother and what she was like- And speaking of her I just know she was a southern gothic girl and absolutely stunning!

Ughhhh I don’t think yall get what I’m trying to say about this but if you’re from the south you know what I’m talking about right?!?

Alastor enthusiasts rise up and give me your headcanons on this subject cause I’m so ready to write a fic about it idk whyyyy but I’m so tempted to do it!!!!

(Lmk the artist of this fanart. I can never find the original creator for some reason so that’d help me a lot if you guys lmk so I can tag them. ❤️ ) Credit to creator/not my art…

[ritamariealan]

Alastor is the funniest bitch in the show for that absolute buck wild song interruption by the way. Calling himself Dad while making the most unhinged, unblinking eye contact will never not make me keel over in laughter. Man snapped, he was so fucking mad for what??

[ritamariealan]

Vox, we know...

[ritamariealan]

Building a new hotel must be tiring, rest here my dear.

[ritamariealan]

A certain twitter poll and a very specific video recommendation on YT inspired me to make this. Also, yes, this...This is Gamer Vox again. BUT, now he has the appropriate amount of grease and sauce stains (Also he spilled some kind of blue drink on his shoulder somehow, idk, don't question it)

[ritamariealan]

Sir Pentious and Vox Similarities

- Pathetic

- Inventors/Innovators of their respective technologies

- Simultaneously ahead of their times and yet still old school in some facets

- Rely on support (P - eggs and hotel, V - Voxtek staff, Vees)

- Do not do well in direct confrontation, rely on inventions and support

- Have a “base” to conduct ranged operations (P - aircraft thing, V - gamer screen room)

- Looked up to/admired someone, wanted to be their equal (P to Vees, V to Alastor)

- Got brutally rejected

- While Pentious’ support system paved the way for him to be a better person, Vox probably got worse, who knows

- Hypnotism powers

- Will change themselves to please or appeal to others to be accepted (P will spy to please Vees, then reform to please hotel peeps, V will present differently to please audiences, etc)

- Visual motifs (P is covered in eyes, V’s head is a literal visual medium and has eyes everywhere with his drones and cameras)

- Need(ed) to be seen as a nemesis to Alastor (P obvs past tense), pick fights they can’t win unprovoked (V was more of a verbal battle but still lost rip)

- similar drip

- top hats

- bow ties

- I’m sure I’ve missed some stuff

Is this anything

[ritamariealan]

Al’s Misunderstandings no.36272548273

Alastor overhears a few overlords comparing “body counts”, he pipes in with an absurdly high number, everyone stops. Someone clarifies “you slept with [number] people?” and Al just stares for a second, then bursts out laughing like it’s the funniest joke he’s ever heard. For like 10 full minutes.

Alternatively Rosie leans in “not that kind of body count” and Alastor says “pfft what other kind is there?” and they both laugh maniacally

Everyone else is too unnerved/scared to continue the conversation. They also feel weirdly insecure, like they’re being made fun of. Which… they are

Except Vox, eavesdropping from his Gamer Cave, he’d be thinking “[number] people and none of them were me :( it’s never me!!!!!!!!!!!”

Probably throwing a pen really hard and it clatters out of sight and he has to get out of his chair and crawl under a monitor to pick it up because he was fucking using it

I decided to like scroll down my 169 unanswered asks so this one is an old one (it's from like 6th march woah), the last part especially gets me because it's so stupid

honestly same alastor!!! literally still don't get how body count can have a sexual meaning, if someone asks me that my first thought will always be murder

[ritamariealan]

that's it XD that's their relationship 💙💘 original meme

[ritamariealan]

New hairstyle!

[ritamariealan]

i had to draw this (from @transvox on twt)

[ritamariealan]

Are you looking for something complicated and sad??? You're in the wrong place! Keep yours simple and happy and come back next time!

[ritamariealan]

i would like to offer Jacob Anderson as a choice for a Human Alastor lookalike

[ritamariealan]

“We all have our vices, dear.”

It seems I’ll never escape from Human Alastor… he’s truly got my brain held captive. (not that I mind LOL)