reveriebyn

[reveriebyn]

Walking around with so much (suddenly-discovered) pent up anger towards my old, not so old, self. It is as if I have just come out of the shadow with a blinding flash of epiphany. What have I done? I have ruined my life. Who is that despicable person?

[reveriebyn]

- Your eyes have changed!

- Just like everybody does.

[reveriebyn]

What a fierce battle it must have been for a lover like you to give up on love!

[reveriebyn]

How old were you when you started desensitizing yourself to certain triggers, fears, or traumas as a defence mechanism?

[reveriebyn]

كبرت علي المعاناة

علي الكتمان

أصبحا جزءًا من كياني حتي أصبحت أسفنجة متحركة

أمتص الصدمات واحدة تلو الأخري دون أن أدرك حتي

أنني بحاجة ليد العون

ليس من الطبيعي أن أحارب وحدي دائمًا

لطالما اعتقدت أنني محاربة شجاعة

ولكن ماذا لو كنت مهزومة جبانة

أهزم وأهان دون القدرة علي النطق ببنت شف

أنا لا أعلم من أنا

I have been swallowed into a state of dissociation

I am a living trauma

[reveriebyn]

They said there was a therapeutic power to story telling.

But what if I can’t tell?

[reveriebyn]

“But I am tired

Fear has become my companion.”

Said I, to my therapist.

[reveriebyn]

Standing in a vigil

Alone

Me, myself, and I.

Lamenting that sick brain of mine

The ravishing monster

Eating at my last nerve

[reveriebyn]

Maybe I feel so little because I have been destined for more?

[reveriebyn]

Feeling guilty for ditching my fears and evading the anxious shortness of breath.

Am I losing control?

My thoughts are swirling and twirling in fear.

I can’t lose control.

[reveriebyn]

Atonement.

Can my heart be unbroken?

Can the damage be undone?

[reveriebyn]

Happiness and anxiety are not concurrent.

[reveriebyn]

Two thing that can never co-exist: Happiness and fear.

No anxious person lives happily.

[reveriebyn]

Reality has become nothing but vertigo and haziness.

[reveriebyn]

Have you wondered what life feels like with a normal brain?

An anxiety, distortion, compulsion-free life.

How does that feel?

[reveriebyn]

All I ever wanted in life was to go places.

But I am not going anywhere,

With this sick brain of mine.

They say pain is the womb to success;

Then where is my trophy for bearing these years of pain?

My life has been nothing but one big fat predicament.

Nothing is coming to fruition.

I am surrounded with ashes of my dreams.

[reveriebyn]

Pulling on full force, life’s shit keeps dragging me backwards.