resolvedbrunette

[resolvedbrunette]

ok the last 2 eps of grotesquerie were standard "what the fuck, Ryan Murphy" material, but the decision to watch it solely in black-and-white (visual aid on my phone) was such a good idea. i genuinely believe it works so well in both monochrome and full-color settings. it makes seeing everything in full-color wonderful

[resolvedbrunette]

I’m so sad, I just woke up from the loveliest pair of dreams about my … congress with a man I had never seen before, but I was very happy in them. Ah well. To file into a list of things that may happen a few years down the line. I am not yet in a place of stability for it.

[resolvedbrunette]

I’m less ignorant in a “stick my head in the sand” way and moreso the “clocking out of the misery culture” way

[resolvedbrunette]

also merry christmas!! (and happy -early- hanukkah!)

[resolvedbrunette]

me when i'm happy

:)

[resolvedbrunette]

Mother just showed me some stretches because APPARENTLY the pain in the back of my hip IS sciatica like I thought. Lol. Funny body shit.

[resolvedbrunette]

9 correct cards

4 correct energy, 2 second guessed

2 flipped before guessing

8 wholly incorrect

[resolvedbrunette]

But we can’t fulfill what we deny, shame, ignore, or suppress. So the first step in reparenting is awareness. We have to become conscious of our authentic wants and needs to satisfy them.

Trauma or unprocessed emotions get stored in the mind and body. When we anticipate one of these emotions being triggered, we run, avoid, distract, make excuses, or suppress as a coping mechanism.

We fear feeling shame more than fear itself. So we have to soothe resistance (fear) to let shame rise to consciousness. To do this we have to practice self-compassion.

From Bryce Godfrey on Medium at https://medium.com/change-becomes-you/how-to-reparent-yourself-a516d1d152d3. Accessed Dec 15, 2024.

[resolvedbrunette]

You gotta make peace with being on bad terms with people you still care about, and also make peace with situations where you knew you did no wrong but was painted as the bad guy anyway. Shit hurts, but it’s life

[resolvedbrunette]

Healing taught me that honesty wouldn't ruin a real thing. Speaking about your feelings won't lose you anything worth having. Setting boundaries won't scare off proper people. & authenticity won't cost you genuine relationships.

[resolvedbrunette]

open letter to my female caregiver

Alright. Go ahead. Ignore me. My opinion isn't worth a damn in this house anyway, much less when I'm trying to be helpful instead of crying and/or breaking shit like I really want to do, since there's only one person allowed to be angry in this family. Sure. He's the household leader and has all the pressure put on him, and he pays the bills, and he doesn't drink, and he doesn't hit us, but I just need to regulate my reactions. He thinks he's not allowed to get angry? None of us are.

And yeah. Potatoes and roast chicken on Sunday sounds great. I fucking hate both of them. But thanks for allowing my input, I guess. Even if you ignored it.

[resolvedbrunette]

going through ALL my clothes, inspecting them across a 12-point yes/no decisionmaker to see whether i do actually value them or just feel guilty about keeping them. so far, going well.

[resolvedbrunette]

men who run podcasts are possibly my least favorite type of average human

[resolvedbrunette]

Asking Questions

I went ahead and asked some questions of the cards. Visualized an inverted star, then drew that same card. Something wasn’t right, my feeling was definitely valid. Asked what wasn’t right, who was the issue. Drew another star, now proper. Definitely her. Asked who was the conflict about. Drew square - his symbol - stolid, rocklike. Then asked who needs to resolve it, drew proper star again.

Addendum: oh HELL nah I just said “alright well, I just need some peace about this, that this will dissipate” and visualized/pushed out an image of the waves, then drew waves. What

[resolvedbrunette]

I have been reading fanfiction of Speed (1994) for about 2 hours now. Definitely a good time investment. I have laughed, cried, and felt very much nicer about Jack and Annie. My heart is warm.

[resolvedbrunette]

Seven years ago

I was wondering what I would look like in college. Whether I would look any different. I couldn't picture myself; it was always overlaid with a generated image of a biracial woman. It wasn't my face.

But now, looking in the mirror, realizing that that is me. I am in college now. I'll be in my twenties in 33 days. In 33 days, I'll be on the other side of where I was contemplating what I would look like, now.

[resolvedbrunette]

Zener 5

7 completely incorrect. 2 I saw a bit of and discarded.

2 second-guessed.

10 I had the pointedness or roundedness right, but identified wrong.

Crosses feel somewhat like stars.

4 guessed correctly - 1 visualized, one visualized and felt, and 2 felt.