remotespontaneouscombustion

[remotespontaneouscombustion]

He listens, and he sighs as one thing becomes abundantly clear very quickly: he's really not the right kind of morality for this kind of conversation. Yet that's not going to stop him from talking, even though by all accounts it probably should have.

"Look Daisuke... my way of thinking is different than yours. You see wrongs in this action that I usually don't pay all that much mind to, for... my own reasons." He can't meet Daisuke's gaze on that last note, he's not ready to get into the Contractor conversation yet. Though that time feels very inevitable in truth.

"What I'm hearing is that there is something you want to do, laws say you shouldn't, but if the drive is there I still would say why not?"

"People I care about stop me far more than laws do, personally."

... Or encourage him, depending on the person.

' well --- ' he hesitates , his lips twisting into all sorts of nervous shapes , ' isn't it ? ' sure , the average cop was really lazy and maybe not all that smart , but the real problem was --- ! ' if it ends up hurting someone ... then it's bad , isn't it ? taking things from other people , stealing them ... it's bad ! '

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He doesn't buy that it was a joke this time. His face is visibly slightly unimpressed at the fact he feels like he's being lied to.

"Is it really that bad?" He questions, audibly doubtful. "Also, they would have to catch me first. Something they're terrible at."

' IT WAS A JOKE !! ' it was not , in fact , a joke . ' i don't have those kinds of thoughts --- ! you shouldn't either , maki-san ! you'll get in --- into some huge , serious trouble ... ! maybe ! probably ! '

[remotespontaneouscombustion]

"But it's something you want to do." He's never really been one to care about laws, and 'doing what's right' is usually only a suggestion.

@remotespontaneouscombustion : "Why not."

' b --- because it's WRONG ?! ' he's pretty sure that much should have been obvious !!

[remotespontaneouscombustion]

bullying the traumatized

we don't wear kiddy gloves here.

"Who told you it wasn't that bad?"

"Who told you that?"

"I'll fight anyone who says otherwise."

"Yeah, well, news flash: it fucked you up. I can tell."

"It's okay to have shit that fucks you up, you know."

"Ohhhh noooo, you're feeling an emotion."

"God forbid something hurts and you do something about it."

"That's trauma for you."

"Get angry about it."

"I don't know. I expected you to feel something."

"In case it escaped your notice, I care about you!"

"Do you have a death wish?"

"And you decided you were going to stoically suffer in silence and not tell anyone?"

"Got some 'main character syndrome' in you, huh?"

"We're meant to be a team!"

"Then they can go to hell! They don't tell us what we're capable of."

"I'm going to try. I don't care whether you're gonna try with me but I hope you do."

"We've seen worse odds."

"What did you expect? Me to stand there and do nothing?"

"Oh, you have trauma? I didn't notice."

"Oh, grow! Up!"

[remotespontaneouscombustion]

"Once, yes. Just before you had to go and do something I think." He couldn't help but recall it just for how... strange of a meeting it was at the time. But he doesn't linger on the memory of it for too long, rather his chest is a bit heavy with a the thought that it feels like he's going to have to explain something; at least briefly.

"It's not that I don't want to," he clarifies. "I just... haven't been to something like this before. That I can remember, anyway."

"So it's... new, but I don't mind it anyway. Thank you for inviting me." His voice is naturally as neutral-toned as ever, but his eyes were slightly lit up with curiosity, even while his expression also seemed so unsure.

"...I'm Maki, by the way. I'm sorry I didn't introduce myself sooner, but it is nice to more properly meet you."

He does know Daisuke's name already, though he does wonder if he's aware of the fact someone had shared his phone number with him. ...Should I talk about that whole meeting...? ... Maybe later, if it seems important to bring up.

' huh ?! no , it's not that --- ! ' though , he couldn't exactly explain otherwise . saying that he already knew the other thanks to dark was completely out of the question , and though even with that in mind the other was still somewhat of a stranger , he would have liked for any distance to have shrunk between them , if only just by a little bit .

how else would he ever have been able to grant the other's wish ? that they were lonely and wanted someone or something to fill and take it away ... he couldn't let his usual anxieties and discomforts get in the way . even if he --- no , dark had never gotten so much as the other's name , he had still given away his number . likewise , even after all this time , the niwa had been left wondering whether or not the person in front of him would someday decide to make any sort of call --- although they still hadn't , and things turned out to be a surprise instead , a meeting like this was just as good .

' i mean , isn't this just the right thing to do , too ? ' he lets out a soft laugh and tries not to worry over whether or not it really was when he still had to lie , ' but , um , i mean --- if you really don't want to , you don't have to stay around or anything ... but i can at least give you some cake in return for giving me a gift , right ? i'm pretty sure i've seen you around a few times before --- ' a beat and a pause . ' er , actually , m-maybe ... only just once . '

[remotespontaneouscombustion]

Via @solar-cycle

[remotespontaneouscombustion]

i have to find someone who genuinely loves me or my brain is going to explode

[remotespontaneouscombustion]

*: ･ﾟ✧   90 loaded questions / interview the muse.

found on this website, so credit goes to them.

What’s your favorite strategy for avoiding tough situations?

How often do you do things just for the attention?

Would you prefer to be manipulated or to be the manipulator?

What is something someone always tells you to do more of?

What is something someone always tells you to do less of?

Who do you look to blame when things go wrong?

What is the one thing people assume about you that you wish was true?

What is the one thing people assume about you that you wish wasn’t true?

When was the last time you lied to protect your image?

How often do you put on a happy face when you’re really not feeling it?

When do you think you began putting your guard up so much?

Who made you feel most anxious when you were a kid?

How do you speak about others when they’re not around?

What aspect of your life are you most delusional about?

How often do your admit you were wrong?

Which one of your biggest flaws do you like to rationalize the most?

Is it your fear of commitment or your fear of intimacy that makes you shut down more?

At what stage of a relationship are you most likely to withdraw emotionally?

What is the one compliment you always get that you’re too embarrassed to accept, so you deflect it?

What would someone say is your worst habit?

What is the one insecurity you are pretty sure has some basis in reality?

When was the last time you felt really insecure about the parts of yourself you pretend don’t exist?

What is the most interesting white lie you’ve told?

Do you ever feel like an imposter?

Do your friends know how competitive you are?

What’s the hardest thing about being rejected?

How do you deal when you know you’re being irrationally jealous?

How do you deal when you know someone’s not willing to give you what you want?

Are you ever afraid of people knowing who you really are?

If you went to a therapist today, what would they say is holding you back the most?

When was the last time you lowered your standards just to get someone else’s approval?

Is your need for revenge greater than your need for peace?

Have you stopped trying to control things yet?

Which parts of yourself do you still seek validation for?

How do you cope with being unfairly ignored?

Do you like punishing yourself for things that are out of your control?

What does someone say is your biggest problem when communicating?

Are you okay with not knowing what happens next?

Will you ever feel okay with being imperfect?

Does sabotaging yourself give you an odd sense of comfort?

How do you feel about being disliked by some people?

What’s the strangest thing you’ve done just to avoid failure?

What is the biggest risk you’ve taken just to prove yourself?

What’s the boldest thing you do every day, just to feel like you’re still in control?

What accusation would you defend yourself most fiercely against, even though you know it’s true?

What’s the most toxic thing about yourself you actually kind of secretly like?

How much do you enjoy being in control?

When do you give yourself permission to lose control?

What guilty pleasure are you currently justifying to yourself?

What is the most passive-aggressive way you’ve dealt with your rage?

What is the pettiest and most immature way you’ve avoided losing face?

What’s the worst habit you have that rewards you the most?

How do you get your needs met when you’re alone?

What is the most ridiculous thing you’ve done to please people?

What is the most ridiculous way you’ve rebelled?

What’s your favorite way to channel your aggression?

How do you cope with being betrayed?

Are you okay with disliking someone?

What is your favorite form of self-destruction?

What’s the one thing you struggle most to manifest in your life?

What’s the one thing that you manifest so easily, people are jealous of it?

What’s the most irrational reason you’ve ever had for disliking someone?

What is one fear that you’d be ashamed of your friends knowing about?

Which one of your deepest secrets do you think is the least common?

How do people normally find out you hate them?

What is your go-to strategy to deflect criticism, even constructive criticism?

What is one thing people always get wrong about you?

What emotion motivates you the most when you’re down?

What emotion makes you want to give up?

Are people shocked when you stand up for yourself?

How often do you say yes to the things you really want to say yes to?

How often do you say no to the things that make your skin crawl?

How far are you willing to go to maintain a relationship, even an unhealthy one?

What is the worst way someone’s ever abandoned you?

What is the worst way you’ve ever abandoned yourself?

How do you entertain yourself when you’re not around people?

Are you happier alone because you enjoy being alone or because you prefer it to being surrounded by horrible people?

What habit do you know you could quit but don’t want to?

What is your favorite strategy for avoiding difficult people?

What is your favorite strategy for avoiding conflict?

What is the weirdest thing that gets you angry?

What is the weirdest thing that makes you sad?

How often do you take responsibility for other people’s crappy behavior?

When are you most likely to shut people out?

Which insecurity would shock people if they knew about it?

What do you find yourself justifying to people, even when no justification is needed?

When was the last time you tried to please someone who made you angry?

What do people often tell you need to focus more on?

What do people often tell you need to focus less on?

What is the one thing that could make you happy, but you refuse to do it because you’re afraid of what others would think?

[remotespontaneouscombustion]

@dnangelic - x

What was he really expecting to happen from this? Honestly he hadn't thought that far ahead. He was really not very good at that, better at acting fast and figuring it out later-- and that applied to practically everything that he ever did, including trying to be someone's friend.

There was probably some part of him that expected to fade into the background after passing his gift over, which is exactly why he's so visibly surprised to be asked if he wants to have any cake.

...Now it's apparently his own turn to feel a bit shy, which is a completely foreign feeling to him. When had he ever felt shy about anything in the past few years? But he was just... almost a bit startled, to be asked if he wanted to participate more seriously than simply passing over a gift. This was surely an experience he likely had in some form before but... he no longer recalled. This was basically the first time he would be attending someone's birthday celebration as who he was now; especially someone that was his own age.

"I..." He hesitates, gloved hands almost fidget nervously. "...If that's fine, thank you. You didn't have to invite me. I know we don't know each other, I just felt this was right to do."

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He rounds a corner after having left his destruction behind, overhearing chatter that apparently…it's Daisuke's birthday. It's not like Maki knows him very well at all, but efforts had been made before by a… 'Santa', for him to maybe contact Daisuke to build some kind of friendship.

He's not really sure Daisuke would remember him from their brief interactions, but there is enough of him that wants to try to build on a sort of friendship, that he's given the drive to try to do something last minute. This is what leads him to finding a red rabbit plush, with white accents on it.

Did he pick it up legally? Who knows. But he has been deliberately wearing gloves since he picked it up, to ensure that the plush is in no danger as a result of his ability. He wanders over to Daisuke, and holds out the gift to him; unsure of what he's doing but trying his best. "I… overheard something, so… happy birthday."

@remotespontaneouscombustion

bwuh ?

of course he'd remember --- er , well , actually , he couldn't even remember if he had ever gotten the other's name . but it was pretty hard to forget someone with eyes like those , and even more impossible to forget christmas and sandark . truth be told , he's been waiting for something like this ... !

well , sort of , at least ! he really didn't expect it to come in the form of a little red rabbit --- !

' cute ... ' was it supposed to be red because of him ? even wiz was snow-white , and for just a brief moment daisuke can't help but wonder if laying eyes on the plush would inspire an immediate friendship or intense rabbit-rivalry of some sort . at the very least , he was sure that leaving the plush anywhere but safe on a shelf might have made wiz want to fling it onto the floor .

for just a moment , he stands touching at its fur , running a hand over its face and through its ears . ' um , i'm really surprised --- ' strangers always clamored to build up shrines and stack presents up for dark , but for him ? a boring , ordinary boy with no recognizable name or repute ? a gift like this had to be thanks to only dark's handlings , but he couldn't discredit the other for mustering up the strength to try to reach out , no matter how sudden or awkward the approach .

feeling his cheeks flush and his eyes turn somewhat dreamy with awe at the very thought , daisuke lets his lips stretch out in a gradual broad smile . ' --- i'm surprised , but it's not a bad surprise at all . ' right away , he tucks the plush under an arm , holding it with no less gentle care than if it were a live , legitimate creature .

' thank you so much ... ! i'll try to take good care of it . umm , in the meantime , ' his shy flush seems to pop ; he beams . ' do you want some cake ? you're just in time , we're still trying to finish it all --- ! '

[remotespontaneouscombustion]

Maki's pyromania problem is not entirely fun for him, not unless there's someone there to witness it with him. If there is someone else who takes enjoyment in his destruction, then it feels as though he's been given permission to enjoy the flames that his ability creates.

But on his own, largely it's more of an impulse that he gets; a free stress relief that he can just toss out anytime. Watch the fire and feel his stresses fade away for at least the time being. Get mesmerized by the fire and its aftermath, for as long as he can watch it anyway.

He's not exactly knowledgeable about healthier ways to handle his stress, but the emotional pressure fades away when he does this. So it is his go-to relief if things feel like too much in a way that's difficult for him to express.

[remotespontaneouscombustion]

He chucks a rock at a warehouse, seconds later activating his ability so the rock proceeds to explode next to the wall. It makes a sizeable dent and by all accounts he wants to do worse, but he's bound to get into more trouble by lingering.

So he tries to disappear just as fast as he appeared there, at least he feels a bit calmer internally.

[remotespontaneouscombustion]

@onlyheartaches - x

Even through animation on a screen, he'd been able to tell something was bothering Zag. He never doubted that the... angel, was listening to him or not, but he did seem a bit more distant than usual while Maki had been idly talking.

He's still trying to understand exactly what a guardian angel was supposed to do, but he does understand them to be...something akin to a helpful friend. A very powerful and helpful friend, maybe, if everything he'd heard was actually true. Which he knew Zag was real, so he was inclined to believe the rest may in fact be true.

But a powerful friend with the ability to effect reality from a tv screen, is a friend regardless. So felt the need to return the gesture in kind, it was supposed to be the right thing to do after all.

"What's going on with them that worries you?" He asked, tilting his head slightly. "Would they really take offense to you checking on them?"

[remotespontaneouscombustion]

MISC SENTENCE STARTERS WITH A DASH OF ANGST - Accepting

@remotespontaneouscombustion asked: ❝ you can tell me anything. i can't promise i'm good at keeping secrets, but i'm a good listener. ❞ - for any muse that needs someone to just listen and would talk to maki about it

" ... Isn't that my line, kid?" Zag says, though he does manage a smile. "I'm your guardian angel; you aren't mine. I can handle - whatever's on my mind. Still, I appreciate the sentiment."

The smile slips away, then. Camael ...

Maybe he should talk about it.

"I ... got a friend I'm worried about, that's all. But I know them, and they won't want me butting into their business."

[remotespontaneouscombustion]

@onlyheartaches : ❝ i know what you're thinking. ❞ Angel Zag

He's loitering about the empty bar by himself, having gotten back before anyone else in the group had. Disappointing admittedly, as he'd hoped to be praised for a job well done by Amber before tasks would be given once more. But instead there was nothing but eerie quiet there to greet him.

Being practically underground and off a back alley made it so basically no ambient noise got through. If he thought about it, it was a form of quiet he didn't often get. He decided to put his head down on the table, thinking maybe it would be worth it to rest for the time being.

But he notices a hum from an electronic, and mismatching eyes open curiously. He notices the small television sitting on the bar was turned on, and set to a strange channel for a bar tv. Is that even plugged in? He idly wondered, he knew this place still got power or the lights wouldn't be on. But he didn't recall anyone plugging it in, let alone turning it on. Maybe he'd brushed into it when he walked in...?

"I know what you're thinking."

What an accusatory cartoon rabbit, an odd tone to take for what looked like a children's show playing. He watched the screen neutrally, believing that it was simply some usual program playing. But admittedly... the rabbit's gaze felt as though it was looking directly at him somehow.

That's impossible, yet almost to humor the thought, he replies as though this had been directed to him personally.

"Do you?" He asked evenly, "what am I thinking then?"

[remotespontaneouscombustion]

MISC SENTENCE STARTERS WITH A DASH OF ANGST

❝ i can't even say he deceived me. i knew exactly what he was and i jumped in anyway. ❞

❝ i think eventually i got so used to the chaos and the pain and the toxicity i began to look for it. ❞

❝ i never got a chance to discover myself. i never had that privilege. ❞

❝ you can tell me anything. i mean i can't promise i'm good at keeping secrets, but i'm a hell of a listener. ❞

❝ no one wants to yearn anymore. ❞

❝ i'm doing some of my best work here and you don't even have the decency to roll your eyes at me. honestly it's hurtful. ❞

❝ i know what you're thinking. ❞

❝ if i ask for your help are you gonna make a big deal out of it? ❞

❝ can we just be normal for like two seconds for once. ❞

❝ i would say i don't know what's wrong with you but i actually do and that's the problem. ❞

❝ against my better judgement i trust you and i think that says a lot about the state of the world right now. ❞

❝ i don't actually care but i'm bored so i'm here. ❞

❝ last time i listened to you we almost died. ❞

❝ i would've come sooner. i would've been here if you'd only asked. ❞

❝ i don't want to hurt anymore. ❞

❝ you don't have to hurt anymore. you can let go of those burdens. ❞

❝ it'd be a lot easier if i actually cared as little as i pretend to. ❞

❝ i do need you. i wouldn't be here if i didn't. ❞

❝ sometimes you don't know it's wrong until it's too late. sometimes you don't know you're being hurt until you realize you're in pieces. ❞

❝ pretending you don't need people doesn't make you strong it just makes you a jackass. ❞

❝ you're gonna be okay. eventually. but first you gotta not be okay for a while. it's gotta suck so you can actually recognize when you're alright again. ❞

❝ you shouldn't have said that. ❞

❝ sometimes i wish they had done something worse. then it'd justify how hard it's been to get over it. ❞

❝ i wish you actually understood me. ❞

[remotespontaneouscombustion]

Too bad he's not allowed to grow up past 14.