reformedserialkiller

[reformedserialkiller]

                              he’s broken, but you love him anyway                               not  because   you   want   to  fix  him,                               but  because,  he’s the only one  who                               knows you’re just  as broken as  him.

[reformedserialkiller]

kicking off this revamp with a starter call!

[reformedserialkiller]

do u ever just point at two characters and go “i want that one to get hurt and i want the other one to get really angsty about it”

[reformedserialkiller]

okay, so maybe he was staring at her. he caught himself doing it more than once, but he didn't care. how could he? she was beautiful. and he's told her that more than once. more than twice, even. his ever present smirk never faltered, even when he felt himself coming back to reality. even as her fingers ran along his arm, he didn't do anything until she finally said something, and the heat from the joint finally made contact with his skin. he took another quick hit, before laying back into the grass, exhaling before passing it to her.                   "sorry. guess i was just distracted."

           naomi sighed and rolled over to her side on the grass where            they had been lying on for the past hour or so. she just looked            at damon, her green eyes scanning his face, the slight smirk            that was close to always on his lips. she wondered why. nobody            was happy the entire time. then again, she always looked like            she was the happiest girl and there wasn’t a storm raging in            under her pale-moon skin. her fingertips traced his arm, the            inside of his elbow, it went up to his shoulder, neck and the shell            of his ear. it wasn’t odd for naomi to do that: silently observe and            touch.

           it was for making sure it was real, though she’d never explained            why and doubted she’d ever do it. a soft smile made its way to            her lips but before he could even say a thing, she spoke.

                        ” dude, pass the joint, it’s burning out. “

[reformedserialkiller]

i mapped your body with my own letting fingertips trace over dips and curves kisses burning cosmos into your skin

creating galaxies from the heaven you inspired inside of me.

i loved you with stars of myself.

p.d.

[reformedserialkiller]

i've made the decision that i'm going to be bringing back damon! my main focus is going to be over here but i miss some of the old things i used to write over here. it's going to be strictly s1-3, and obviously all of the au's, but other than that, i won't reply to things that are out of that time frame. but uh, happy day yes?? i'll be remaking a theme, finding icons, ect. 

[reformedserialkiller]

She’s a pretty special girl;

[reformedserialkiller]

Damon Salvatore - “Remember me for centuries”

[reformedserialkiller]

i’m sorry i’m not there, Bear // r.i.d

[reformedserialkiller]

lmao do i even bother revamping or nah? i've been having hella muse for the past month or so. if it happened i'd strictly write s1-3 damon since anything after season four i gave up on and refuse to see. help friends.

[reformedserialkiller]

                 at the end of the day, he knew what this was all about. and he knew that she was drunk, or at least, heavily drinking. it made sense, anyways. she he was no different than her. they both needed alcohol to make their lives worth living. especially now ------ there wasn't a day that went by that he didn't have the need for liquor. it was still hard for him to believe that she was here ---- that she was even alive. he was on the verge of snapping, still was, most days. how could you go on with your life when it abruptly ended within the blink of an eye. one day she was here, and the next, gone. his brows furrowed together, before he nodded his head once, as if to tell her to continue. if she wanted to talk, the least he could do is listen to her. as she spoke, he tried to keep any comments to himself --- he wanted to listen. he'd let himself listen to it all before he'd say anything. it was starting to make him angry though, how james easily took advantage of her. how in being betrayed, he betrayed naomi too. and that probably made him more upset ---- that he didn't know, that he couldn't at least put an end to it before it really began.                 he got quiet as she started talking about them. about their love. about everything that they had been through. and then the memories came flooding back, the first time they met, the first time they kissed ---- it all came back. she was his happiness, his pain, his sadness. she was the warm feeling on his skin in the summer when he was younger, and she was a drink of water when he was parched. she was absolutely everything and she was responsible for so much of his life. and he couldn't stop himself from shaking as she talked about them. how even now, she still wasn't sure. wasn't that better than nothing? he wanted to blurt out and tell her she'd never be katherine, but even then, he felt his jaw tense and he let her continue again.                "you know that no matter what you said, no matter what you did, i couldn't ever hate you ---- you know that, right? you know that i can't hate you. it's actually impossible, for me to hate you. you could tell me to go to hell and i would actually probably thank you. because i love you, naomi. and at the end of the day, you still love me too. and i couldn't ---- i couldn't live with myself after you died. i couldn't hold on. i couldn't keep whatever sanity i had left. and i --- i shut down. i shut it all off. it wasn't just my humanity. it was me ---- who i am, what i am, i couldn't bear it. i couldn't bear to be myself anymore. and i don't ----- i don't know ----" he wouldn't admit it, but he knew he was falling apart. he was falling apart the moment she started talking. and he couldn't help himself. he couldn't help himself as he took a step closer to her, couldn't help it when his hands gently touched her shoulders, caressing her skin gently to calm her down. he shook his head, leaning his forehead against her shoulder as he sighed out. "i need you naomi. i still do. always do."

truth. daomi.

                  he wasn’t fooling her at all. his smile, even if faint, was forced. she shook her head, inhaling deeply and wiping away the tears. “n— no. i want you to listen… i want to explain. and afterwards you can decide whatever happens.” naomi’s voice was strained and the alcohol made her vision nearly blurry. her memory, whatsoever, was far from failing. “i’ve been thinking a lot because let’s be honest, what can you do while being dead other than thinking and observing? i also learned a long time ago that for talking about two it’s better to start with one.” her eyes became glassy again and she couldn’t look straight at him, her gaze averting elsewhere, anywhere that wasn’t him. “and you deserve to know.” that admission was a whisper, her voice nearly cracking. “decades ago, around the fifties, i made a deal with a mercenary. a friend had been caught in the whole augustine ordeal and i was dead set on getting him out. of course… well, a vampire wouldn’t pass as human for them, i could never break in without fucking it up. what better than using a human?” she was there but her mind wasn’t, remembering all the time she’d spent with james. “he did his job and i betrayed him… killed him.” it wasn’t something that she was proud of, she didn’t like breaking people’s trusts (how ironic).

                  naomi inhaled again and carried on with her talking, “deal was i had to turn him into a vampire. i got what i wanted so i laughed at him and killed him… or so i thought. turns out he was — is — smarter than i thought and drank vampire blood while he broke into the labs.” at some point there, her eyes had dried and her slur had turned into a coherent talk. “when i found out this had happened, i was far from the place and he had turned ridiculously strong and had followers. he was relentless. i started running-” like one would from a haunting shadow, “-and didn’t stop.” now it was time to talk about damon and her.

                  “i knew he would come… i was scared. not of him, no. i was scared of becoming another runaway. he still has followers and even if would’ve fought back, i still would’ve died.” and… shoot. “i was scared you would hurt me. i felt so… so safe with you. so strong and yet as vulnerable as ever. i knew i would be okay as long as you were there and… that scared me. you know i’m not a beliver in eternal love… at least i wasn’t. now i’m not sure. anyway,” she hesitated. “thing is, he alwas gave me a head’s start, he liked to chase me, thrived on it. his existence was pointless without me. my fear… it mixed with my complete aversion of becoming some sort of distorted katherine. my head was fucked. this was just six months before i was killed.”

                  naomi seemed to be in some sort of trance but she knew exactly what she was saying. sucking in her lips, the vampiress looked at him ever so briefly and continuted. “i gave up. i gave up on running and on fearing and holding on because my past was always haunting me and driving me crazy… that’s when i decided to let james catch me, that’s when i broke up with you and said a lot of crap and—…” her eyes filled with tears again and she sniffled softly, “i didn’t want you to hurt. i wanted you to hate me, to dance over my dead body. so i said all i said, even until that horrid last time we saw eachother.” she was crying again. between,  breaths as she tried to calm herself, she said in broken whispers and yelps, “i’m so, so sorry. i thought… it would be the best. i… b— but then you… and i was… and— fuck, i just… i-” inhale. “- i needed you to know this.”

[reformedserialkiller]

more than likely permanent. i've lost all muse for damon and i don't think i'll ever get it back. so i'm here now, and i hope anyone i've followed here does not take this to heart at all. it's nothing any of my flawless faves have done. i've just lost the ability to write for him. 

[reformedserialkiller]

someone give me a character/fandom and i’ll make an edit of them. or give me a song + character/fandom and i’ll incorporate it in some way!!!

[reformedserialkiller]

[ v. something worth ] if you could, would you forget her?

What a stupid question. There was nothing he could do to forget her, and even if he could, he wasn't sure if it would be possible. There were many nights that he wanted to--do anything and everything he had to do to forget her. Drink until he passed out, let his liver shut down before it repaired itself over and over again. He wanted to keep drinking and hope that somewhere in his disoriented state, the way her lips felt against his ear would just disappear and it wouldn't be a fresh feeling in his mind. Other days, all he wanted to do was sit and remember her. He wanted to pretend that she didn't break his heart--didn't disappear without a word. He wanted to pretend that their fight never happened and that she wasn't dead--void. He wanted to go back to the nights where tangled up in their bed was commonplace, and how their limbs tangled together so gracefully. He wanted the only argument to be who would go and put in the next movie or get snacks for them both. So it was a stupid question, because no matter what, he couldn't forget. Naomi was a permanent part of his life. No one came close to her, not in experience, and not in love. No one could replace her and no one would be able to take even the slightest bit away from her. He couldn't forget, no matter if he was given the choice or not. She was it. She was his and he was hers. They fought like hell, but they were together and they were an unstoppable force. How could you forget someone like that? Someone who questioned everything about your life, and made you question the good and the bad. Made you fight for her, but more importantly, fight for yourself? Fight to stay alive, to do better, to be a better person because you genuinely want to?"You can't forget someone like Naomi."

[reformedserialkiller]

You hate Katherine's ways of surviving because you did exactly the same back in time.

He ponders that for a moment, knowing that if anything, it was something he still did. Damon was no longer the innocent little boy, or even the young adult who fell in love with a vampire. He wasn't the kid who wore his heart on his sleeve and he was no longer the man who would love someone blind. Circumstance(s) made him cold--icy and detached. He couldn't take any more hurt in his life. Losing people became the constant, and he was so sick of becoming too attached to people that didn't matter. So he gave a slight nod along with a shrug, before throwing his hands up."Guess so."

[reformedserialkiller]

Once you’ve been tagged list 6 things you and your muse have in common and 6 things you don’t. Then pass this along to some other people. 

tagged by xindomitam

6 Similarities between Mun & Muse

        + we both can have bad tempers sometimes       + we both think that we are so undeserving of love, so we push            those who care about us away.        + we both also fight incredibly hard for our family & friends &                  loved ones (wow funny how that works)       + we both have distinctive blue eyes       + we're selfless       + we both like ladies i guess??

6 Differences between Mun & Muse.

      + damon is an actual fucking shit and he's very whiny and has a 'holier than thou' complex and it's really annoying and i'm so far from that it's scary.       + he doesn't think before he acts, and i'm very intuitive, therefor i put a lot of thought into the things that i do, (especially big decisions) before i go off and do them.        + i'm very intuitive, and damon is so incredibly extroverted. i keep to myself, especially if i have some problems in my life.       + damon does not give a shit about much and i give plenty of shits about everything, aka, friends, family, opinions of others, life in general.       + i like to do things to help me calm down and help me find that inner peace whenever i'm feeling upset and down and he just kind of goes all out and kills people and shit.        + i have no more ideas idek?? i'm tagging those who wanna do itttttt 

[reformedserialkiller]

           oddly enough, he could feel her around him. it was weird to admit it, but he could feel her all around her. he was afraid, but at the same time he had never found more peace. she wasn't gone. she could never just disappear. but god, he needed her there. he needed her there, he needed to apologize and hold her and tell her everything that they were going to do. he'd let her in, he'd be a better man for her now. he'd do everything he promised.            he closed his eyes, willing the tears to subside for that moment. he was afraid of what his life meant without her. he was so determined to run away later that evening, but now, now he didn't have a choice but to stay. he couldn't leave her alone, and he couldn't... god, there was so many things he was ready to do. he held onto her tighter, his fingers grasping at her shirt. he wasn't ready to let go. he would never be ready to let her go.                                              "you were supposed to be why i stayed. i didn't give up because of you, baby. you gave me hope. you made me promise that i'd never give up. i never... i never gave up. i'm so sorry---goddammit, i'm so sorry. i'll say it a million times and speak it in a million different languages if it means you'll come back. just come back to me baby."           damon kind of hoped that she was listening. the room still smelled like her--she still smelled like naomi, even if she was long gone by now. the vanilla cigarettes, the rain, the hint of lavender, all of it was her, and it all still was present. he inhaled, wondering if he could hold his breath long enough and lose consciousness. maybe he'd still have her scent in his nose. the stake in her heart was tempting, he could easily take it out and kill himself and do the same.                                                                         then they could be together.              he kissed her forehead, his fingers carding through her hair as he looked up at her end table. the picture frame was faced down--he only wondered what the picture was. he stood up, sitting over by her bed as he took the frame in his shaking hands. of course it had to be a picture of them. he didn't know if that made things any better or worse. better, because he knew that she still cared, but worse, because he should've tried harder. he always should've tried harder for her. 

            he paced the floor, before he went into her bathroom, looking though to find any sort of medical supplies. he bent down, bandaging up the wound in her chest before he looked around her room, finding a clean shirt. he carefully took off the bloody one, his fingers moving slowly as he held back his sobs. he missed how delicate his fingers were the first time they slept together. how careful he was when he'd take off her shirt in the past. his fingers trailing across her skin, admiring her body with a simple touch. he put the new shirt on her, before he carried her towards her bed. he laid her down, his fingers brushing away her hair as he sat down on the bed next to her. he found a pack of her cigarettes--one remaining--and he grabbed her lighter. he lit the cigarette, taking it in between his lips as he began to smoke it. the flavor was so distinctively naomi and it hurt to even smoke it. but he did, finishing off the cigarette before he finally put it out, kissing her forehead before he sat at the end of the bed, holding his head in his hands.                                             "my fault--all my fault. i should've tried harder. i'm so sorry baby... i'm so sorry--"             

worth it ; daomi

                   it was a strange occurrence: dying. the first time it’d felt like floating, it was peaceful for a while until she woke up once more and air filled her lungs desperately. her mouth had felt dry and the closing wounds itched. this time it was nothing like floating and there was no peace. she was being ripped away from the vessel that was her body and for a few moments the wooden knife stung. then it was gone and she felt empty. and there she was, looking up at the ceiling in the same position she’d died, except she couldn’t feel her body or the ground below. slowly, naomi sat up and looked down at herself. there were no blood stains on her but she still felt strange.

             was she dead or, for some reason, she’d become immune to it?

                 the answer was given to her when she stood up and there it was: the blood, the knife, the body that had once been hers. green eyes were open and though she tried closing them, her hand went right past through the crane. she felt nothing. death.

                 it shouldn’t have hurt so deeply within herself but it did. why? she’d spent months making up her mind about it, she thought she was psychologically prepared for dying. of course, naomi hadn’t thought about that one bit, the one that said she’d be stuck on the other side. aimless, without purpose, truly dead. she hadn’t realized she wouldn’t reunite with her children or the rest of her family. they were mere humans and she was (had been) a vampire. the known burn behind her eyes was enough for telling her she’d be crying again. tears made their way down her cheeks but they weren’t warm or tasted like salt when they reached her lips. in fact, she barely felt them.

                      alone.

                 for a moment, the ghost tried to think of something good that came from that yet she drew blank. at least… at least damon didn’t know, at least he hated her, at least she wouldn’t live on the run. but it struck her how much she’d fucked up in her life. sure, she had lived but it had been shallow for the most part, always stuck in her past, unable of letting go. she’d lived stuck in the moment her father died for so long she’d forgotten to live.

                 she had killed herself when she had so much ahead.

                 and because of that she hadn’t gotten to grow old and die with her children beside her. meet her grandchildren, her nieces and nephews. she’d fucked up so bad… but there had been good things after that. she got to see so much and meet other people. she met damon because of her past mistakes. maybe it would’ve been better for him if i hadn’t, the bitter thought struck her just as she heard someone walk in. green eyes darted to the unlocked door and she frowned when she saw who it was.

                      ” what the fuck do you want? —… wait, no!don’t go there…                                              damon STOP! “

                 she could yell as loud as she wanted, try to push him back but it was useless. her screams went unheard and the only thing she achieved by trying to shove him back was stumbling forward and falling. hitting the ground didn’t hurt; oh, how she wished it did.

                       ” damon… no, no. you were supposed to hate me… t— to never find out! “

                 her voice was something close to a whine but tears rimmed her peculiar eyes. how he held her and those thick tears that rolled down his cheeks… she just wanted to wipe them away and tell him she was fine, that it was okay. he didn’t have to change for her but god he wasn’t supposed to find out about her death; she’d even quit her job that morning and used it as an excuse for leaving early that “date” and trying to scurry away from confrontation. now the same man that she’d called all sorts of things and told she didn’t love anymore, that same one who’s feelings she’d dismissed was the one holding her, crying for her and begging for a signal that wouldn’t arrive. her vessel’s eyes, although open, were empty. there was nothing left there and the crimson blood stained her clothes and stuck the ends of her hair together.

                       ” please, wake up!" no, naomi, you’re dead. you are awake, just not there.

                 a hand covered her mouth and she broke down to a sobbing mess. he couldn’t see her, hear her or feel her hand that was now trying to rest over his.

                       ” i’m s— so sorry, damon. i a— am… but i chose this and… ” her words were drowned out by a heartwrenching sob that shook her entire body, ” but i’m truly sorry, baby… i do love you, please, don’t think—… don’t think that i don’t.

                                           please. “