reedrgale

[reedrgale]

This is very serious.

I was scammed through Reddit of all places, trying to get help just to stay safe a month, and now I owe 2500 or else I can possibly go to jail. This is not a joke either. And I'm absolutely terrified. I've been having constant panic attacks since I found out. I didn't know it was a scam, I fell for it, I can't take the money back because it paid for rent. I know I'm stupid for falling for it, but I needed to keep this house. But now it's a worse hole than it's ever been, and I'm being threatened with a possible felony since it's considered fraud and theft, apparently. I didn't mean for this. The guy tricked me hard. I literally don't know what else to do but beg here. I'm terrified, I need help, I'll do anything. Absolutely anything to save myself from this. I feel like an idiot. Please help me.

I have evidence for everything and I plan to look into a lawyer or so but honestly I know that since I ended up with the money, I have to pay it back. I don't want to end up in a legal hole, I'm so fucking scared. Like I don't want to beg for help anymore but I need help to pay for this, it's a horrible double edged sword to ask for monetary help when I was just fucked over but please, you guys have helped me before, and now I'm stuck big time, and I'm doing everything I can to keep myself afloat and out of trouble. My PayPal is paypal.me/zwhack if you want to help me, my venmo is this link, I can pay you back when I'm able, I don't mind, I just need help with this now, I'm scared. I'm genuinely beyond scared shitless. I feel like I just fucked up my entire life, just trying to do the right thing and thinking someone could be so genuine and kind. I'm trying to put trust into you all here once more, because no one has steered me wrong here. I tried to use reddit like people told me and this is where it got me. I'm never asking for anything ever again after this, I don't care if I'm struggling or starving. This was too much, I'm in deep, and I'm scared half to death.

I don't want to suffer for my entire life just because I fell for something so stupid because I wanted to keep my family safe. I want to be able to enjoy my life, and this would destroy everything I've ever wanted to do. All because I was gullible and naive. I can't forgive myself. If I'm able, I was going to use all 1200ish of my tax return to fix part of it. Which means I can't go visit my homestate and see my sister for her 21st birthday. All because I fucked up. Which hurts the most. Ive been heartbroken over the thought, I havent seen my family in years and I had to go on the phone and tell them everything and tell them I cant see them this year even though I've been planning FOR a year and, fuck. All I can do is ask for help, please. Help me fix my mess, help me erase this issue and pretend I never did something so dumb, help me move on from it, please.

[reedrgale]

Inktober 9 - Precious

Quick, sappy draw today

[reedrgale]

Inktober 3 - Spell

It’s love spell. She’s gonna catch some unsuspecting fool. 

I had a desire to draw something very pink and kawaii.

[reedrgale]

Inktober 2 - Tranquil 

I think listening to rain and being awake when other people aren’t, are perfect.

[reedrgale]

You have a feeling it’s going to be a long day.

Happy 413!

[reedrgale]

Hey guys, so in case you missed it last night we decided to make a poll on trying to find the most popular artist, who has done art for the game. 

You can fill out the form here, its as simple as selecting your favourites and hitting okay.

You can fill out the form by clicking here;

https://goo.gl/forms/yQhE8C4wCbYSPAtP2

I’ll be posting the results after a while!!!

Also Reblogs or just sharing with your friends is appreciated, the more responses the better!

[reedrgale]

Cycle 2, Interrupted

Letting future me know that I got sick. Whoops.

But at the same time, I’ve lost most of my lingering motivation for this project. It’s interesting how obsession, given some break time, can pitter out to nothing. Still I got some good programming practice, studied some old math and put it to use!

I am proud of that.

And I don’t want to stop these cycles. For the ‘break period’ I’m going to spend time and meditate on my thoughts. I want to find another new project that I’m brimming with energy for. I want to find something I’m excited to delve into. And I have an idea to help categorize projects so I can pick them up again.

I have some regrets, I won’t deny my very human reaction to sunk cost fallacy. And yet, I’m excited to poke something new and flex some new muscles.

What will we take on next? I’m excited to try and I want to be okay with failing.

Pomodoros: 23.25 Pomodoros

[reedrgale]

Cycle 2, Day 24

I think that’s the day? I’m probably wrong.

Anyway, I was thinking about boredom today.

How does one combat it? Do you work to make what you do less boring? Or do you just power through boredom? Is there a third option I’m not considering?

I feel it’s a little bit of everything. Just trying to find clever ways to make what you do fun. Sometimes powering through even if you don’t feel like working for the day. And maybe sometimes you come up with something outside that binary. Who knows.

I feel like I’ve been fighting boredom my whole life. It’s not a foe that’ll ever push me to lose my life, I think, but it’s like this looming reminder that I’ll never achieve anything of value because I can’t push myself. Because to work is boring. Or so my brain assumes.

That assumption comes into play every day, before I start work. That what I’m doing is going to be boring. That I can do it, but I’m going to be bored to tears. That I shouldn’t because ‘why bother? You know you could do it. Isn’t that enough?’

I wonder sometimes, why those thoughts bug me. Why it isn’t ‘enough.’ Why I want to see things come into reality rather than just leaving them in my mind. I don’t know.

I’ve never really received much praise or notoriety for what I make and I don’t know if that’s something I even care for. I’ve had flights of fancy in my mind where something takes off, and I believe planning as if your game will be that way is for the best--that is, plan for a game that’ll scale to all you want it to be, rather than accepting ‘good enough’ solutions for the moment. But I don’t honestly believe I’ll create something amazing on my own.

And I’m not motivated by huge sums of money. I’m pretty content with how much I have now really, thought I know I’m more or less scraping by as an IT. I’ve always seen money as a means to an end, but don’t really see how it translates to the end I want. I don’t have enough to pay other people for things, so I may as well just hold onto it, seeing as I don’t want for much.

I don’t even see much reward from myself. I see it as boring. I like the problems because they keep me busy and there’s a clear goal in the end that I’m getting to. But they never seem to keep my excited for long. I want that obsession back.

What an odd thing to say. Where I wasn’t sleeping well or eating right, but I want it back.

Huh.

Refactoring code today, by the way. Before:

After:

[reedrgale]

Cycle 2, Day 23

I’ve been thinking... is the goal to create, or is the goal to keep working?

The difference is an interesting one to think on. I’ve created a lot of things. Most of them small. Most I’ve just forgotten about after the fact. I just did them, then moved onto the next thing, because by the time I was done with one thing, I was tired of it and just wanted it to be done.

So should I create with the purpose of just learning? It’s hard to say. A lot of the time, when I start, it’s because I care and really want the project to be good and change lives. But as I go on I start to lose steam and stop remembering why I wanted to work on the project in the first place.

I usually have something I want to work on though. And it shifts, like any other thing. When I’m motivated, I work harder.

So... should I swap between things all the time with no focus on completing things, but to just go where my whims take me and gather experience? Or should I learn to focus my determination and complete works?

I feel both have something to learn in them. The choice is hard. Perhaps it isn’t a choice though, but just something to be aware of. Hmm...

Started refactoring the Lookahead today and worked out the kink with the movement.

[reedrgale]

Cycle 2, Day 23

Finished refactoring the system of movestates with only a minor hiccup here and there. All in all, I’d say that’s a success!

I mean, I can’t walk properly anymore, but you know, minor details.

[reedrgale]

Cycle 2, Day 21

Refactoring continues and I am a tired boi.

[reedrgale]

Cycle 2, Day 20

I think I’ve forgotten something vital, but I want to re-remember it sooner rather than later.

A pomodoro is supposed to be spent as undistracted as possible. Ideally, not at all. But I allow myself to chat inbetween thoughts. My thoughts are distracted too easily to give that merit.

I think that’s my biggest fear. That if I don’t talk with my friends when they need me, I won’t be able to help them. But... I know when to tell a conversation needs my attention. And that isn’t ‘every time.’

I need to sit and ask myself:  does this bear responding to right now?

In any case, I spent today working refactoring the FSM I currently have. I have an object hierarchy planned out now. Now it’s just about properly implementing it.

[reedrgale]

Cycle 2, Day 18

I’ve never done refactoring on this level before. But I suppose there’s a first time for everything.

I may or may not have talked before of the fact that I’m using a set of states to represent the way my Movable unit can move. I’m leaning toward probably.

I implemented it in the least elegant way possible. Switches. Ew.

My plan is to refactor this using the state pattern, but it’s just... this is the first time I’ve learned a design pattern outside of school. I’m pretty sure I can implement it, but it’s weird.

This time there’s no safety net and no one to tell me I’ve screwed up. I’ve always relied on others to tell me that but now, here, no one’s going to take the time out of their day to look at my code unless I cut out a piece for them to look at.

That bugs me. I know it’s the way of the world, but the fact that no one is looking. No one actively seeks to care. And not out of spite. But out of enormity.

The size of the world bugs me. It’s huge. So massive, I can’t really comprehend it. There are so many people and I’m just one voice in many.

One voice writing in a blog about bad code and a small game.

[reedrgale]

Cycle 2, Day 17

It’s scary nearing the end.

And I know I’m not nearly at the end of this project, but I’m starting to get to the point where I solve more issues than I create. I’m finishing a bug and it doesn’t pop back up.

I’m going to need to refactor, sure, but I know that after that is the terrifying ‘time between.’ Where I have to choose the next thing. I think I have a next thing. But choosing to start it is hard.

It’s a natural break point when you finish a subsystem. Create a piece of art that you’re satisfied with. Finish a chapter. “I’ll just take a quick break.” Which turns into eternity.

I’ve run into it enough times. I’m afraid of it in its own way. I’m afraid of the comfy ending.

“I did well enough. I can stop here. Just for now.”

I don’t want to want to end. That wasn’t a typo (this time). I don’t want to want to end.

But I don’t think lying to myself about it is good. I don’t want to continue. I can feel the obsession creeping back up, which is good. But I know that if I gave myself an opportunity I would stop.

I don’t like that about myself. But I don’t want to lie to myself either. I want to end and tell myself I accomplished something.

But it’s not enough. I, the conscious me, agrees with that hungry part of me that wants to create. It’s fine and even important to rest. Fine and very important to think outside of your project. But it’s a sin to yourself to stop.

I don’t want to stop. I won’t stop. I will keep going.

I’m going to list out two subsystems I can work on after this so I have an easier choice than etherium, but I will choose something and continue, uninterrupted until the end of the cycle.

And then, we’ll see if I can manage a third.

But that’s neither here nor there. I will keep going.

[reedrgale]

Cycle 2, Day 14

Race conditions aren’t something I thought I’d run into without making coroutines, but here we are.

So for those unfamiliar, a race condition occurs when data can be manipulated at unexpected times. I won’t go beyond that because that takes effort, but suffice to say that it makes things hard to predict sometimes.

In this case, Unity defines two things that more or less run on separate coroutines, but can affect each other:  Update and FixedUpdate. Again, won’t go into details. I promise they have uses. Pinky promise.

For reasons, I update a value in FixedUpdate rather than Update... but there’s a few instances where, in Update, I use that value. Whoops.

In any case, I untangled this by incrementing the value when any external source calls it. Not ideal, but it’s something to start with... and leave until I need to find ways to squeeze more efficiency out.

Oh. And the physics thing works.

[reedrgale]

Cycle 2, Day 12

I don’t feel so excited, but I presume that’s just part of the process, isn’t it. Studied physics and have a theoretical answer to a problem.

I knew this would happen, one way or another, but I think admitting it is useful. Hell, I’ve probably done so already and forgotten.

But yeah, I don’t feel as obsessed as before, though that’s part of what I want to try to solve with these cycles:  I want to find out what makes me motivated so I have more tools on hand than “work really hard even though I’m unmotivated.”

I want to understand why sometimes something intrigues me, but a month later loses my interest.

But onto today.

Besides off-time being research time for attention management, I spent today looking through an old physics concept I haven’t touched since about four years:  normal forces.

I need to make my unit climb and walk down slopes at the same pace because that’s what feels right. That is the experience I want players to have, rather than a realistic physics experience.

However... that means cancelling out realistic physics forces, like the force of friction and the force of gravity, as deflected by inclines. Which means math.

So! I spent 2 hours restudying the force of gravity on inclines, normal force and friction and I think I have a theoretical solution. Time will tell, I suppose.

Also, I have an idea to start taking screenshots of bugs so I can tell a more interesting story here. Let’see if I remember. :P

[reedrgale]

Cycle 2, Day 9

Cleaning up code and getting stuff working at the same time really just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Today, I learned that my heirarchy of objects makes no sense. How? Well I was doing a much-needed efficiency calculation (because I was running into a situation where the game would lag... oops!) when I found something was amiss...

From the perspective of another object, my unit was ‘staying still’ from the point it was spawned. Queer.

Turns out that the way I was doing the efficiency calculation was failing to unify the object in any way... that basically, we were calling the same saved values over and over again because there was no way to actually increment values in time with each other, which really wouldn’t do.

So, I changed an object from being a Monobehaviour to being a normal object that expects to have a bidirectional relationship with the Movable and, now, information passes between my two most hard-working objects, Lookahead and MovableCollisionAnalyzer, can talk with a unifying point connecting them... the Movable!!

This doesn’t make any sense to you anymore though, does it future me? :P