redpandajournal

[redpandajournal]

Say no to drugs and alcohol

Free anti drug ad i guess !

For weeks we suspected huge damage on one of my molars. 2 weeks ago, my dentist tried to get it fixed. i asked for local anesthesia and i felt pain even after double the dose. I chickened out and she sent me home. This eventful evening she inquired that i might have to get a root canal asap. Luckily after further examination 3 days later, it’s not yet reaching the roots so i can just get a filling.

I was relieved, because i had one root canal once when I was a teenager. It was botched because he straight up jammed the needle that he put to get my nerves and pulp out while it’s still damn alive! I have been through handful of medical procedures small and large, and no pain has matched that one. i will forever remember the trauma. God forbid if one day i get into hell and this is the eternal punishment tailored for me. I’d rather just die into nothing

She doubled the dose and i still felt pain everytime she put the drill inside my tooth. doesnt matter that i have been through worse, i still hate sitting in that room. I hate the sound of the drill, the cold water and the suckling hose they put in my mouth. I felt bad for her because she mentioned that it’s also nerve wracking and difficult to treat me because my body shakes. 

I put on music to disassociate and just daydreamed like usual so i�� stared into the ceiling without listening to any of her commands. When it’s done she asked me if i was an alcoholic i have to be honest, and i said no maam i just eat tramadols from time to time. she threw me ‘no u did not just do that’ stare and i shrugged.

She said something along the lines of “ hey it doesnt matter if you only took one from time to time, think of it like antibiotics. your body can get immune each time you trained it at that dose. Even after years of you quitting, your body doesnt care.” So it turns out, i have lower pain tolerance than other people because i am using too many opiod pain killers for my head! except it actually isnt that many lol maybe i took like 1 or 2 for each month and it's not something that i ask regularly (because my neuro said that it’s bad for me  :( ) i ate it up each time, all the pain and the glory and the futile paracetamols straight into my gut. I have to apologize to those unlucky bastards who have gerd because i deadass thought that i am better built. turns out everyone gets something in the physical pain lottery and im no exception in this lifetime.  DONT DO DRUGSSS 

[redpandajournal]

Ez meal #2 and a dump

Today (yesterday) we’re cooking stir fry broccoli ,and we are using an electric pan because i live in 3 locations back and forth duh

anyway i didn’t know before that broccoli , spinach and kale come from the same species ! how interesting, i wonder if i can grow them in pipes and use my unused outdoor balcony for that

[redpandajournal]

Ez meal #1

I made tomato egg noodles. Not today, but multiple times over the week. I didn’t eat out a lot this week. lol i decide to try documenting these more often

Anyway, everytime i buy chinese sausage , every package of every variety taste different ?it doesn't matter if it's malay's/medan's etc, they're always different

These 2 are too sweet for me but it worked well so it's ok. To make tomato egg noodles i typically only use those 5 ingredients above . Unlike baking, we eyeball everything when it comes to cooking i guess? Additional seasoning was white pepper and mushroom bouillion.

.3$ knife cuz why not

Yellow thick noodles probably 350gr , 2 sausages, 2 whole sticks of scallions , 2 tomah-tohs. Again, it doesnt matter, but the chronological order of these items affect the taste of our dish significantly.

I don't like my scallions to be browned through/burnt, so i fried them first in neutral oil until i'm sure the oil tasted like scallions.(duh) Then i set them aside to be later be put inside again. Not sure how long but maybe high heat for about 40 seconds.

I poured tomatoes into the infused oil (?) And just waited for them to be mushy. Then them lapciongs came in. I didnt really care at what stage the lapciongs goes because in the end, they're going to be overbearing anyway. I should've put one but im being too lazy to put the remaining into a wrapper so they gotta go.

I think it matters only if we flamed them on high heat with woks , typically people still put them in towards end tho?

After they're mushy, then the yellow thick noodles went

Btw, i should've used a long chopstick instead of spatula because they tend to stick together and it's really annoying :( . Only put the previously put aside scallions in after the mushy tomatoes and the noodles mixed properly.

Not finished just yet.

I figured what makes it taste like it's from the restaurant or some badass aunt/uncle's cooking from the streets is the LAST MINUTE EGG 💅

You have to have super high heat on wok and put eggs in the very end then it'll taste smokey. I dont have that tho and i dont want to hurt my wrist while flipping this pan, sooo

Season with white pepper and mushroom bouillion and lastly:

Put the egg inside and carbonara'd it into curddles(?) but just enough few seconds tho!

That's for today!

Note:

I also figured that burnt pepper sucked! So i always put anything-pepper in the end

anyway Tyler, the creator :

Hehe

[redpandajournal]

Michiru Oshima | Au coin de feu

[redpandajournal]

Detached

What had happened in between these years was wild to say the least. 

Anyway in short is : there were so many shifts happened. Probably mistakes but wasn’t entirely mistakes that I regret.

I don’t know if there are actually anyone reading this thing / even know who i am as a person, except for some people i know lol

I conclude that this space is actually for future me to remember what i experienced before i'm leaving earth.

2 years ago, one of my very-close 2 best friends died. And I didn’t know that it was a pivotal moment for me to went a little bit insane. Her death shifted something inside me that made me unable to connect emotionally with a person or anything the same. I can cut anything off , i feel like i have lost a home or perhaps a purpose.

I still use line to contact my friends who are currently in JP, i want to uninstall this app because no one i knew use this thing anymore except from him but i can’t because this messaging app is where i had all the memories of her 

she also had the audacity to put this goddamn banner on. i might be indeed a bucin bodoh -guilty as charged lmaooo ,but she unleashed a curse upon us to be bucin bodohs while it’s actually her , shes the number one dumbass who made lunch daily for her bf AND ALSO PERSONALLY get the stupid lunch to his office.

now i cant delete this thing as long as i live! and i have to use this phone forever

i’m going to beat her ass in hell

Recently i also learned that I can likely die anytime, i might as well go crazy hahahahhaha.  I will try to not immediately ‘die’ tho , because i don’t want to leave him out just yet. She already left us and my other best friend is much more mentally unstable than i am. Both of us are steadily tortured ,because she’ll show up in our dreams every 2 weeks or so. 

And it was horrible, yet i’m always waiting for her to come. She’s always ‘alive’ in my dreams.

It was always as if we were still in school. I have recordings about my encounter with her. I always knew that she already died, and in every end of the dream she always left us. I have this strong feeling that one of these days I might go with her. 

I’m starting to look at the relics of my life.  I mean i do this journaling thing from probably since i could write/read. And then i started digging from the things i wrote when i was 10-15. My older brain decided that this girl is borderline insane / schizophrenic ,if i could go back in time i might have just shotgunned her  and watched myself disappear in particles. I’ll compile excerpts of dreams/ intrusive thoughts she had in this place because while it was embarrassing it was also very interesting. 

I think everyone i knew who maintained a blog since they were kids has some kind of brain damage and i got mine confirmed.

At some point of these years i also juggled 3 jobs (?) , i kinda knew what i was doing but i think i fried my brain (lol the ml engineering job and family business ) too much happening, but some notables:

My mom hooked me up with her friend’s son to marry 

-took a job from another city and moved out discreetly to run away. (failed but not rly)

I took sabbaticals after to repair my fried brain by taking in ez manageable jobs but none of these are notable/pivotal. I did great enough to not go insane

lost braces and had most teeth painfully repaired , thank god it’s salvageable

We have a cat now, reason to live +1

left ‘that’ community and dissolved the cells we built /currently in

encountered a golden retriever

a girl confessed to me but too bad 

powapowa died , wowaka died, treow abandoned electrocutica, hachi emerged as kenshi yonezu and he sounds totally different 

teto graduated into synthv

[redpandajournal]

the-sis

I’m narrating ideas here because i’m kinda desperate lol

seein my peers poking their thesis with startup topics, i almost thought of doing the same with that but because i am so afraid of being attacked i chose a suicide topic 

 computer vision image matching  navigation aid for the visually impaired

-i really dont know what project should i do , 

do i have to went through with computer vision , correct rephrasing : CAN I build things with opencv, with potato PC right and equally potato laptop , i havent code anything meaningful like in almost 2 years ?

tried to build a simple contour detection program in c# but the emgu library cannot wrap from opencv dll, so they cannot initialize anything 

i lost my sleep setting up lib, i gave up upon realizing that my 64 bit machine apparently HATES C# external libraries

i really dont understand if is it because of the visual studio ,because vc# is 32 bit tho ,i have set project properties to any cpu , and the libraries are also ?!! i ended up moving on to build this in java and i just realized today that my potato pc/laptop cant really handle android studio + opencv heavyweight

-i’m totes noob in java and this opencv, i will definitely cry 

im upgrading my ram to 16 gb in saturday hoping that would be okay 

regarding open cv itself , i am most afraid with memory allocation because no specific field’s of the navigation gonna stand the sorting like log n2 (as my lecturer said) my mathematical comprehension is weak

i can’t even handle the simplest one ,in 1-2nd semester  i used to malloc all the time because i dont care about its survival as long its working lmao

SURF algorithm is mathematically depressing

want to do cool data mining research and digging but mathematical game isnt strong , and i aint talking to another company to beg for big data which i know , they gonn be “whattt is this inexperienced brat wants to do with our junk

regarding building applications ,there was an unwanted trauma 

A project that was supposed to be presented to high school students went downhill because windows went bsod and all arrays went null in a solution , 4 hours before it has to go 

WHY IDIDNT LEARN GIT UGHH

here is some back up plan if that visual impaired app scenario didnt work ,the idea’s came from complaining in my head lol ?

i thought of making volunteer application

for poor b**** students who have to BEG for SAT points in order to graduate , like why do you tell me that i have to do 30 social hours RIGHT BEFORE i;m finishing my last semester,do you want me to extend my stay here that much until 9th semester just to fulfill that  quota for no reason (other than screwing me over? paying another 800 $?  for goddamn nothing son), i’d want to call indorelawan or something, like building applications that makes them easier to recruit volunteers ,and for us to acknowledge these ‘job’ opportunities and have a decent countdown of our requirements

 i hope i can redeem these 30 social hours by doing this, we kinda have no aid in joining social activities , some of us have jobs to do and it;s not like we dont care for the causes , but really we prefer to do it without being forced. dont be surprised if in the end it’s not the empathy you’re reaping from this system but blatant resentment in me instead

Empathy for myself ideas:

I wanna track the outlaws who tried to run me over when i’m walking in pedestrian line; why abang abang motor nyawa saya cuma 1

I still want to build a pretentious a e s t h e t i c profile of my self on the internet with fancy ass parallax because inside i am just a pretentious artist wannabe that is somehow walked in this questionable path 

I want to detect busy hours for traffic schedule , specifically public transportation because i don’t like being pushed around by these ibu2s who wants me dead every time :)

please correct the traffic lights , i almost died when crossing the greenlight because ANOTHER green light from that other side is also shining

build paintchat boards , i swear i miss these, the emergence of online boards for drawing together, even not optimized after 12 years r u kidding me

runover those outlaws

[redpandajournal]

Trash recap

this year fast realization and experiences 4chan style

my parents are getting older

i am getting older and in 2017 i have to stand on my own feet for real

people hate people for no reason, some people talk bad about me, i thought bad about a person, and it’s not a good choice

dating game is full of uncertainity, when there’s no clearness people just leave when they’re bored

wants to befriend a person, talk for a few seconds on some bravery attempt and we remained friends

when a person hit on someone, they stalk them, either irl ,online, both ;someone stalked irl, ended up faking relationship illusion with a friend to fend off stalker, it’s weird 

teaming up with wrong people at the wrong time ?,i had to cross names from presentations?

tried being the first one to chat more often, it was a good choice

crying

cried in the wrong environment, everyone realized but nobody made a move ,i prefer it that way 

tried to reveal secrets to a friend; it was a good and bad choice because it became their weapon though we built mutual trust

tried to chat daily with friends from faraway, it is difficult for one who doesnt likes to hold phone at hourly basis

bought raspberry pi 

cried while trying to build something with pi, that garbage need resistor and stuff i dont understand friend said i should give up but i said no u do it ,he was looking down on me but he didnt wanna doit what d o u m ean

people older from internship act like millenials, makes me think how not actually adult an adult person near 30s is, good i’d still want to play games in my 30s judge me

seeing young millenials born 2000 forward,people in their 30-40s play pokemon go and claiming superiority, good for you just note that i follow pokemon since 1999 first generation, played pokemon in gba and receive pokemon related gifts ever since  how about that //getslapped

fought and made up with best friend in mere minutes; being confronted by people from the past, accept changes 

befriend jerk friends, witness them at it

missing people i dont want to miss , even them jerks’

missing people i thought i wont going to miss like my intern supervisor, FEP anggrek folks and 2016 seniors 

an unexpected problem occurs, dealing with it with minimal complains (with crying)

broken heart aint no joke but my tuition, insurance fees and dental bills are tears inducing

no i just cri when someone shouted at me, why u do that

realized that preparing a workshop for science alpha children from high school is painful, and i dont wanna do it

Reunion with friends, many things changed

learning to use new tools in everything 

phone got stolen; learned that it had remote lock remotely locked and wiped the phone , felt a little good bit of comeback of knowing that thing was rendered unusable for the thief hahaha sucka

being separated with the only friend that could motivate me in the future  ; realized that we made wrong choices in our paths but we have no choice 

helped translating japanese for a friend, return opposite meanings :(

took JLPT , failed it because i woke up l8

Cognitive dissonance Playing Oceans (where feet may fail)

trying to troubleshoot reasons to move, as in passion in something (?)

watching people play game livestreams because i’m too lazy to learn playing

sentolop apaan si artinya

playing piano , learned to play a new track ,gave up immediately after mastered 2 minutes of it

Chatting with my brother about life , realizing we’re getting older

handling upset people for no reason related to my scope of understanding [internal screaming]

handed a copy of someone’s work, accidentally did something wrong with it 

Realized that trading is almost similar as more educated gambling

i didn’t touch my guitar but the strings messed up their own pitches

what even is taxes 

New year’s eve ,chatted with an unexpected person, the person was sorry 

how

[redpandajournal]

Why me; 2016 compfest

Thumb rule : every single people in this world has problems and we’re not competing with each other when we mention one of them to one another.

2016 is a bulk of complains

complain-fest

Someone is trying to get another person and that person is not paying the same attention back ; so it is unfair!

i’ve been really good but nothing good happens to me; while that other person who is vile keeps getting the goods ; how unfair!

During Christmas someone brought up a debate with me about religion, using personal problems as bullets base of argument and as a person who is off from neutral grounds i just knew that i need to put an end to this nonsense fast, not because i have to defend this, but because i! have! work! to do! and these confrontations keep reoccurring towards me by different people so 

i still tried to care but i really don’t have the energy 

i cant bring my own problems as a base of argument to other people whos not involved in those problems because 

it’s not important to tell /appropriate to

i’ll know some person will try to one up it every time during these arguments. 

Also i realize the second i decide to pity myself, i become addicted to it (ah now i see why the one ups keep happening) misery wants company but inside em is a superiority strata :>!

I agree about the unfairness tho

The world is unfair, it is true 

I suppose the exactly meant system intended is that one person should love another person as he/she loves him/herself right ? the thing is it’s not happening that way 

People are selfish and the circumstances aren’t so good because even often the consequences of others penalty are brought upon you 

while others keep receiving all the other good things that you don’t experience

(*)

let’s use this general agnostic-mono theism framework for once (lol whatever that called, i just assume that because people are bringing up God,then let there be God in this illustration)

i’d base off something from christianity because of my upbringing,still i’m not even bringing it up and i’m not using myself as an example this time

a general known rule is karma, and i assume that because all religions are supposed to build our character-base , this world which every person in it is intended are supposed to do good responses ,then shall that good response came back to you ,we perceive this as an act of love/kindness

we expect that love is a symmetrical relationship, but no; love is not a symmetrical relationship; at least not from that particular person we give a chocolate to, they’d or they’d not actually give back that chocolate to you 

a case of a friend who envy pretty girls of social media who are already rich and pretty, added up with people giving them gifts and such. it looks like they have that every advantage everyone wants 

and yes they do because (*) while you keep thinking that you have nothing, not in terms of looks nor wealth match to their luck

yet 

we don’t know whats behind it; most importantly we don’t know what will be happening in their future and turmoils, oh even we did know that all of they receive is good in behind, it’s not our business and we dont know their future 

unless these people wronged you in some way and you can take legal actions towards them lol make a move  last week my only working team mate crossed names from the charter, let’s start with that! :>

Future is unpredictable most of the time; by this statement adds with probabilities, therefore 

God is fair, it is true

because tada life is not fair to me, to you, to everyoneeee

good things will happen to you, not good things will also happen to you sometimes. this will also happen to those people you envy, when you’re not watching of course !

problems happen not always because of our fault but they exist anyway

so the conclusion of this article is nothing! i just want to rub my family motto to everyone’s faces (it’s called “if it doesn’t solve anything suck it up”)

Ong family wishes happy holidays and happy new year 

jk let’s talk other time 

[redpandajournal]

思う価値さえない、でも

みんなで（友達ーたち）地獄へ行きたれば、君たちはなにをする

地獄は世界の中にですか？

「切り刻んでこの体 」

[redpandajournal]

it informally kennot

HI! I was drinking coffee and i can’t sleep woo hoo

so i decide to do the usual stuff ;doing comparisons, here’s an excerpt of my journal and the translation

今日は僕も友達に、マアケトに　アイスクリムお食べて。 一緒に 大変バカ歌を聞こえる、彼がピデイオがくれた。歌の名前は忘れるでもあのばかうたがおもいですよ。

what i mean:

today me and my friend, at the market we ate ice cream. listened to many stupid songs together. he gave me the video. forgot the name of the songs but i think they are interesting/good.

google translate:

i talk trash about it alot but i have my defense on GT :

my language skills are trash; friend’s asked me to translate his crush’s message, I GAVE THE OPPOSITE MEANING OF IT

ever changing linguistics (which alters slowly everyday and don’t forget the non formal forms)

i can’t imagine putting the literal syntax to the script lol what is programmingXlinguistics, kudos to whoever did it despite the errors

4.The suggest an edit button

i think it’s none of the staff’s fault, but u thugs

もうだめだ。which most people meant “enough, its no good” or indonesians refer to “yaudahlah setop”

YOU ARE GUILTY OF THIS WHOEVER CLICKED THAT “SUGGEST AN EDIT”

this is why we can’t have nice things in this world dmmit

[redpandajournal]

Love (you left me miserable)

I am legit in need of scholarly/academic articles

Responding well to relationship talks nowadays is a hit and miss.

specifically maybe because love life is something that is trivial for my current specific timeline. it’s proven from the fact that my inner state has affected my feedback to those who asked me for advice. My answers are irrelevant / not supportive as expected because i think we’re not thinking the same way. Our personality and experiences might be significantly different from each other. (Don’t let it stop you from talking to me tho, sometimes we don’t agree but it is okay.)

As much as someone likes to think that feelings are not important yadda yadda it gets in the way yadda yadda, i do get crushes, get mixed feelings every now and then. It is normal.

Now, now those things are just how i feel, however they’re not the ones i should act upon explicitly. I would like to get a lover imho, i think it’s great that everyone gets a lover, Only i dread the ones whose happiness depends on an idea of being with a person /marriage and being with the one forever.

..need other people to like them to feel okay about themselves. They’re afraid of being rejected or abandoned, even if they can function on their own. Others need always to be in a relationship, because they feel depressed or lonely when they’re by themselves for too long.

this talks about codependency

Romantic context has its roots in the general relationship context ( platonic relations such as friendship,family ;yah interchangeable ),

But i don’t talk solely about romantic relationships at all. Maintaining dependency is something that people experience since way back, which all of them can be concluded from any relationships we had, i deduct that the base of the relationship style people cling to is based on their early environment /attachement style/whatever influence we receive when we are growing. I heard that it has to do with self-esteem issues and inadequate feelings experienced as a child, inappropriate behavioral acceptance could also be the case here. Which all of them became a pattern

Patterns are evident of these people, they’re so used to cling to a person so much, it’s all the activity they got.

We are already in one when we feel especially okay to entitle someones life to ours because we are supposed to be together forever as one yadda; No healthy boundaries are established at this point so the relationship’s felt like fearfully walking on eggshells.

An example: years ago I had someone threw a tantrum at me because i was attending a friends birthday and not accompanying this person to whatever ,even though we used to met the whole week. My time was really spent on nothing, my schedule was being thoroughly checked so i didn’t leave any gap for my other activities. I didn’t complain yet because i loved this person so much i cater to this whatever until one day i just fed up.

The other side of it tho could be a part of my flaw, i have my own anxieties and i am also trying to improve, everyone knows that i have problems with relating to others;(thank you for being beside me tho everyone!) , my feelings related to being inadequacte, made me felt like i had to preserve that mechanic which was also unhealthy

This way of coping (i view codependency as a product of unhealthy coping) also may have something to do with that Maslow triangle. If one area is not achieved then we gotta retrieve it from somewhere else kinda thing.

This is why our relationships never work ? It because of the paradox of trying to retrieve whole happiness from another imperfect person. We do have to know that some happiness that supposed to come from ourselves cannot be retrieved from others.

i guess until we can finally balance our relationship problems then, get a lover

This is just one side. 

About marriage tho, i like talking about it sometimes, but lol it’s just one of those light-hearted chats for me

Pardon that we talk about marriage like we’re not some college kids who barely knew how to manage the family and money. Let alone “taking care of other person forever as a part of me” some of us aren’t even developed enough to keep themselves in check for improvement, like how do i essentially get a job or make my own job or what will i do everyday other than spending money. Have you ever considered the inevitable family drama that will ensue

I’d talk seriously about this kind of thing like 2/ 3 years later or so

[redpandajournal]

What is planning

I was reading my drafts from my old blog, realizing that though i was so naive back then, i think what she said was true to some point

I came to a point of my life where my logic cannot support my dissonance, my mind is weak lmao help me lord

so this is an excerpt of what supposedly something from 3 or 4 years ago 

i’m sorry that i cant hide the fact that i am a christian ,i just want to share what i deem is important so i learned something about pain and ‘ways’ or wisdom and the like

every way has its own pain ,it’s just how it’s been

plans are confusing and i always thought that we are somewhat predestined in something ,and i figure out that yeah , i might be predestined in something , but it’s more action-oriented and an inside-job thing ,like for an example : i might be here to bless someone in this campus ,but regardless my profession or any like i can be put anywhere by God to

His ways just means that He inherited his wisdom to us to choose what ways and responsibility in which we are able to measure ourselves ,overall it just means ..which pain you are more willing to bear

sometimes people just really want sublime and supernatural answers in regarding his ways ,but really most of the time the answer is already there proverbs 3:6 said that he’s going to make your path straight whilst you acknowledge him

the way out is just to take out a decision and strive with it , whatever the risk ,acknowledge him in our ways

if we are living according to his ways

if we are united in the body of Christ

if we are willing to bear pain

to put it simply into words 

i can literally be anything, and everything has its own ways 

any ways can be correct because pre-destination is not a cookie cutter class and is on the same level as free-will 

the difference of the outcome is the way we execute it, because different processes produce different outcome.

I can just troubleshoot whatever im going to learn by simply doing everything, until i just know later that this pain is not mine  

[redpandajournal]

I woke up

I was asleep before ,but my sister woke me up and i don’t think i’m going to sleep again for the next 3 hours or so

Now i had a weird dream before i woke up 

which involves a friend in that dream who will move soon to some country i don;t know

I was on a phone call with her ,asking how she’ll plan herself after she settled there

It’s really surreal because everything flashes like a movie , because that dream is 3rd perspective ??

it’s hard to explain ,and in that dream she was in a house , i was on a telephone yet i could see her being in a house , and she tried to tell me that’s everything’s okay but it turns out not 

then she let out her sad remarks while describing how her home is like , that she’s given only 4x2 m wide space to live and didn’t allowed to move ,that her landlord actually didn’t approve her to be there and stuff , i could actually see it having glass doors inside inside my head during that dream and she sound so scared

i thought she was being abducted ,the last thing i remembered is that

the dream ended abruptly when i heard some voice calling from behind her

“What is it” i asked

“I think that would be it” she replied with a flat voice and then i woke up

oh well who needs sleep anyways , i slept so early everyday i overdone my sleep hours this week

[redpandajournal]

wrong blog and to lazy to transfer zz

Popcon 2016

i never bail on this one ,

so i went there 2 weeks ago for 2 days , i actually planned it with my friends to be 3 days ,it’s too bad some of my friends who wanted to come couldn’t afford to, 

(((ah do you really need to be hospitalized :()))

i went with different people than previous years, and this time i didnt bother to bring my camera 

first day after work , the road was so unforgiving ,i was so tired and there was like 2 hours left before the end

so i gave up

 but my friend wanted to hang out , and i was kinda hungry , so we went to a food bazaar instead (RIP self control)

i went again tomorrow after, and the line’s kinda suck cuz everyone has to reregister , and they 3 days full tickets weren’t available anymore and they didn’t explain why

 i asked this ticket girl “u guys must’ve messed up something last minute”, she just nodded sadly ,no explanation? aye ok 

i met my college friends who apparently worked as cooks in the maid cafe, yes finally i went to a maid cafe this year , aint that greattt

and i met this wonderful maid who accompanied us eating and we chatted with her about things  she is very delightful to be around

マイーちゃんが面白いです、来年はメイドーカフェに行きたいな～～～

my friend recognized that his middle school crush was supposed to there as a maid , but she couldnt attend  too baddddd if she could and they met , it would be interesting 

the highlight of this year is actually the live drawings , and ross tran honestly i was intimidated by the person who were there with him standing , so i couldn’t be brave enough to ask for his signature ,daym cowardice

this day , i mostly talk with people on booths and idling in several specific art booths which a friend and friend’s friend had, so i didn’t actually venture anywhere

other than stopping by the maid cafe and talk to my friends there,i ate all the free pudding they gave me ,it’s good ,that is i still bought things tho , and my friend also bought things

i won’t list them all because i’m too lazy to chronologically photograph em one by one after haul, these wooden badges i like them 

i regret saying yes to going out late and eating in obscure places

but oh well who can say no to indomie ?!!

okay and i still wanna go till the next day (!!!)

i asked my friend who’s now already in germany for his double degree ,he bought posters and stuff while kinda complained that everything’s so much animu and he couldnt find any artist to sketch his face  i can even haul my humu stuff here , everything’s messed up i kno 

the maid cafe cooks look like they want to kill themselves lmao , i still went there and they gave me pudding and booze

oh i found this gold

i will keep this sultan picture probably forever

i found my muse trio , and my true love in the p3p otome ,aegis is love

these dedicated cosplayers which i admire surprisingly , even though i’m not really into hq , i found myeoco’s arts to be very adorable so i bought her art book 

also 

poof

why

i 

spent

so 

much

until the next haul i’ll be waiting 

[redpandajournal]

Hatoful

I have no shame in playing these ,look

this femme sensitive bird

i cant take this seriously ,this yandere school nurse bird

and this delusion

this game is available in various languages, i have tried playing them in said languages for 50 seconds (((because i cant)))

i am going to unlock everything first before anything tho

[redpandajournal]

windows の日本語キボウト！

bye gate2home keyboard

with this lame newfound skill ,im going to conquer the world 

[redpandajournal]

Iscribble

i dont know anymore