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sorry i woke up in my rantsona. but like seriously isn't it fucking twisted that every child in almost every country are basically legal property of their parents. like their parents have complete control over where they can go, who they can talk to, which words out of their mouth are truth or lies; they're allowed, encouraged even, to be the sole interface by which the child connects to everything else in this world. like isnt that extraordinary. like how is it a mystery to anyone that children are constantly dying under parental abuse or growing up into utterly dysfunctional traumatised adults. why are we talking about these nebulous narratives of "the unstoppable and nuanced cycle of abuse" instead of looking straight at the reality we've built specifically for this purpose

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reunion/meeting/re-meeting/getting to know your birth family is not smooth at all and I wish that non adoptees knew this and could hold more understanding and empathy for us who are trying our best to navigate this situation when all the barriers are stacked against you

it's not smooth like you see in the media, in your films and your games, and I wish that people could take their time to understand how different and difficult and easy and smooth and heartbreaking and simple and complicated it can be for so many of us.

please don't take your information for granted

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any other adoptee who is undergoing reunion/met their birth family get really unsettled after being in contact with them?

i love speaking to my birth family. i hate not understanding them. and even whilst talking to them i felt myself becoming unsettled and overwhelmed, and here I am dealing with the fallout

what's this called? This desire to be closer yet fearing it and also wanting it so much but yet the unsettling feelings are too much. I feel dysregulated for days after being in contact. For me, it usually comes up with regards to phone contact/video calling. I'm okay with messages, it's actually seeing them and speaking to them that causes the emotional (and sometimes physical) dysregulation.

It's very jarring actually lol

The many joys of being an adoptee

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i wish i was my parents' birth child everything would be so much easier if i was I wish i could be the daughter they raised and expect me to be and that I didn't have to worry about who I came from, what I came from, when I was born, what time I was born, what my medical history is, who I look like, my culture, my being. i wish i was my parents' birth child because I am so much like them without being like them at all.

i love them so much, and they love me so much too, that love is tangible, and I feel like theirs but never truly in the way anyone else expects me to be. but i want to be theirs wholly so very much.

i am so very much theirs whilst being separated and I want to fill the gaps, but I do not know how. maybe it will always be missing and I just have to get on with it i've always felt so beautiful despite not looking like them ive never felt more at home with them, but I don't feel like I'm at home in any place

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It’s adoption awareness month, so…

Here’s to the adoptees who don’t know their family origins

Here’s to the adoptees who don’t know their medical history

Here’s to the adoptees who don’t have their original birth cirtificate

Here’s to the transracial and international adoptees who feel isolated from their cultural identity

Here’s to the adoptees who are rejected by their biological and/or adoptive families

Here’s to the adoptees who were taken from their biological families through coercion or pressure

Here’s to the adoptees who are illegally sold, stolen, and/or trafficked through the adoption industry

Here’s to the adoptees that haven’t survived to tell their stories

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I saw a glimpse of my oldest sister's face in the mirror A side eyed view, a quick snatch A glance as if to say

I'm here

I know you

You're always part of me

But when I looked back All I could see was myself Blinking and blinking and blinking Until my vision blurred and I could see her again Looking back at me with the same eyes and the same smile The same hair and the same look I'm here, I know you, you're always part of me But then I blinked and she was gone again.

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Stop 👏🏻 treating👏🏻adoption👏🏻like👏🏻it’s👏🏻a👏🏻second👏🏻rate👏🏻choice. Or like it’s somehow inferior to having your own babies.

Stop telling adopted children “they’re lucky.”

Stop projecting your fake empathy into adopted children. No, you don’t know what it’s like.

And don’t you ever fucking assume adopted children are all unloved and unwanted.

Jesus fucking Christ.

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"we [characters] are having a kid it's you [other character] here's the adoption papers" "character a should adopt character b" "i want [actor] to adopt me"

no but i'm literally begging people to stop saying things like this it's genuinely not funny and honestly damaging to adoptees trying to speak up about how adoption isn't all sunshine and rainbows

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"it's a family of choice. you found that family, because for whatever reason, your given one wasn't functioning."

That's a really hurtful thing to imply about a birth family. To demonise a "given" family, a birth family, is not an acceptable thing to say to an adopted person. Who are you, as a non adopted person, to tell an adoptee that our families are nonfunctional?

Additionally, I did not "find" my adoptive family, as an adoptee, and my adoptive family did not "find" me. We did not find each other. That is not a found family, by definition. This is the case for many adoptees as well. Adoptees are not "found" and adoptive parents are not "found" by the adoptee.

If a person is to recognise how harmful a term/trope is, the first point should be to listen to somebody's lived experience rather than to be dismissive, saying that just because somebody else you know says it's okay, it should be okay. A variety of experiences should be gathered in order to gain more understanding on things.

If you can see how it can be fetishisation and harmful, it is important to reflect on this by listening to multiple lived experiences.

As another person said in the reblogs, adoptees are not a monolith, and it's important to gain different perspectives in order to understand what somebody is saying. Being dismissive of one's experience in order to uplift another is not acceptable, and is not an okay thing to do. It is hurtful.

A found family or family of choice is a non-biological family, where all parties in the family have found each other, and agree to see each other as family. They are based on chosen bonds. They provide each other with social support. They find each other and willingly choose to see each other as a form of family, wherein their roles in the family are defined by themselves as they have chosen to play these roles. (As defined by wikipedia.)

Adoption is not chosen by an adoptee. An adoptee cannot find their family! Adoption is not a chosen bond by all members in the party! In that case, adoption cannot be a found family!

Adoption is not a trope to be used in your found family dynamics, so please listen to when other adoptees are taking the time out of their day to use their lived experience to illustrate why this can be harmful. To be dismissive of our lived experience further perpetuates harm, and causes hurt to many other adoptees, not just the ones that you personally know.

going to ruffle a few feathers with this one

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tap tap.. adoption isnt found family! stop calling it that, its dehumanizing for adoptees! respect adoptees and treat them like human beings! not like a fictional character existing for your angst/fluff fanfictions (that get everything about adoption and how adoptees feel.. never researching anything about adoption too)

respect adoptees and stop treating them like their subhuman! 🫶

btw a good majority of adoption includes human trafficking! that isnt found family!

listen to adoptees and stay quiet!

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i know family planning is a hard topic and can be controversial, how one chooses to grow their family is a contentious topic, and often politicised for some reason, but people saying "I know that you can JUST adopt" whenever bad news comes out regarding family planning is so :/// bad feeling, you know.

or "you can always just adopt instead of doing X"

or "oh you cant do XY now! just adopt!"

or "dont' do that! that's bad! just adopt!!!"

or "it's not the end of the world. just choose adoption"

or even "just adopt!!!"

yes, let's just choose adoption. as if it's not grueling and heartbreaking for everyone involved lol let's just adopt, let's just choose this. sure you know adoption is just SO easy to do! sure you know adoption is JUST so simple, you can even hand back the child if you don't want them anymore lol. just so easy. just adopt.

the flippant way adoption is banded around is so upsetting sometimes. did you ever think about us as the adoptees? the ones who it affects the most?

i guess not!

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reunion/meeting/re-meeting/getting to know your birth family is not smooth at all and I wish that non adoptees knew this and could hold more understanding and empathy for us who are trying our best to navigate this situation when all the barriers are stacked against you

it's not smooth like you see in the media, in your films and your games, and I wish that people could take their time to understand how different and difficult and easy and smooth and heartbreaking and simple and complicated it can be for so many of us.

please don't take your information for granted

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lucky you who live in a family who know their family members' important events, birthdays, ages.

Lucky you who can say "Oh, happy birthday to you!" instead of "oh, IS IT your birthday? I didn't know, happy birthday, what age are you?" who are you? who are you?

You are my family, you are my sister, you are my father, I do not know what age you are or how to pronounce your name.

Happy birthday for the first time from your youngest.

Happy birthday.

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"we [characters] are having a kid it's you [other character] here's the adoption papers" "character a should adopt character b" "i want [actor] to adopt me"

no but i'm literally begging people to stop saying things like this it's genuinely not funny and honestly damaging to adoptees trying to speak up about how adoption isn't all sunshine and rainbows

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Ocean Vuong, from On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous

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Genuinely hate that 90% of the adoption tag is posts about "adoptables", animals or "found family" fanfic.

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will never not be crazy to me how something supposed to be child centered works so hard to protect the parents instead of the actual children