recoveryfriend

[recoveryfriend]

Fat people’s eating habits, and what psychologists make of them, were the subject of an article I wrote a year and a half ago, “Uptight and Hungry: The Contradiction in Psychology of Fat,” published in RT: A Journal of Radical Therapy (State and Mind, Vol. 4, No. 8, November, 1975). The point from that article that I want to remind you of is that, with all the dieting we do, fat people are often more half-starved than “overfed.” Brainwashing us into believing we’re gluttons is one way psychiatry and social pressure make fat people crazy. The average fat person does not eat any more than the average slim person. Many fat people eat less than most slim people. We in no way choose to be fat (unless you call a reluctance –– or physical inability –– to endure semi-starvation on lifelong reduced-calorie regimens a “choice” to be fat). Most fat people I have known hate being fat. The notion that we only think we hate being fat, but subconsciously choose it, is pure therapy-bullshit. As long as I believed what psychologists told me, all l could conclude was that I was a very, very sick person who couldn’t even trust her own desires. With such lies, therapy keeps fat people from developing the pride to challenge the authority of our oppressors.

Fat Liberation - A Luxury? An Open Letter to Radical (and Other) Therapists (1977)

[recoveryfriend]

A useful article from King Arthur Flour (my beloved) on baking while disabled.

[recoveryfriend]

IN A WORLD WHERE BEAUTY AND ATTRACTIVENESS HAVE BECOME SO COMMONPLACE AND MUNDANE THE EXCEPTIONAL UGLINESS HAS BECOME DIVINE

[recoveryfriend]

Alternatives to Harmful Crisis Lines

What’s the issue with mainstream crisis lines? 

In January 2022, an article came out that exposed the fact that the Crisis Text Line was selling personal data to for-profit companies. The Trevor Project also was mentioned in this article for sharing data with Google and Meta. 

They aren’t the only crisis lines with issues: this article that also came out in January 2022 talks about how the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is ignoring the testimony from their Lived Experience Committee about stopping involvment with cops, and is working with the Federal Communications Comission to try to get permission to use a newer type of mass surveillence technology during their calls. 

Quote from the article: “Basically, Vibrant/NSPL argued that everyone who calls, texts, or chats through the new 988 number should have their personal information and exact current geolocation to within three meters exposed to NSPL call centers automatically, immediately, and by default.” 

Beyond these ethical issues around data collection, a huge problem with almost every single crisis line is their policies of “active rescue”: basically, what this means is that crisis lines will track your location and send police to your location if they think you’re at risk of harming yourself. This happens hundreds of thousands of times every single year. This is extremely dangerous, especially for Black people using these lines. There are examples of people being shot because of calls made to hotlines where police showed up. Police showing up also leads to forced psychiatric incarceration. I personally have had the police called on me twice through a crisis line that I thought was anonymous; they showed up, entered my room without my consent, and searched me without my consent. They literally made everything in that moment worse. 

If people want to learn more about the history of police involvment and crisis lines, here’s an article.

Avoid hotlines that call the cops: 

Crisis Text Line

Trevor Project 

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

NAMI helpline

LGBT National Hotline

SAMHSA National Hotline

List of State Crisis Lines that all call cops 

Alternatives that do not share data or call the cops 

Pretty much every national and mainstream crisis line calls the cops. A general rule of thumb is that unless it specifically mentions that it doesn’t call the cops on their website, it does. I also haven’t done a ton of research on the data sharing side for the lines I’m listing below, but if anyone has any more info please let me know and I’ll update the list.

National: 

Trans Lifeline: 877-565-8860, 24/7

THRIVE: text message line at 313-662-8209, 24/7

Promise Resource Network: (833) 390-7728, 24/7

Project Return Peer Support Network: (888) 448-9777 English or (888) 448-4055 Spanish, hours are Monday through Friday 2:30 PM to 10:00 PM and Saturday and Sunday 10:00 AM to 6:00 PM

Wildflower Alliance Peer Support Line: 888-407-4515, hours are 7pm to 9pm Monday through Thursday and 7pm-10pm Friday through Sunday

Key Consumer Organization: 800-933-5397, hours are 8am - 4:30pm, Monday - Friday.

MBRLC Peer Support Line:  877-733-7563, hours are 4 pm-7:45 pm every day. 

Check out this page for a directory of warmlines by state. These are much less likely to call the cops, but it’s good to check with each individual one about specific policies.

If anyone has more info, please add on!

[recoveryfriend]

You are not "wasting your potential" because you took a break, or because you're exhausted, or sick or you are struggling to find purpose. Please, take some time off, take care of yourself, listen to the needs of your body and your mind. Do the things you want to do to make you happy and fulfilled, not what others think you should, not what's more successful in their minds. You aren't wasting your life, nor wasting your potential. You are still deciding how to live it, what is the purpose of it, and you will find motivation to fight for what you want when you figure yourself out, but please take your time and don't listen to the pressure of people around you to comfort to their expectations of success.

[recoveryfriend]

sad to still see so many people talk about how gross signs of aging are and people aging “poorly”. those are signs of a life that has continued to live and it is a blessing. age is coming for you too btw

[recoveryfriend]

your bare minimum isn’t actually that bare or minimum. my dad once told me that there’s nothing in this world that’s easy and that’s true tbh. everything we do takes energy, time, and effort. even the little things. if you feel like you’re not doing enough please try to think about your circumstances and what’s currently available to you: chances are, there’s something that’s diverting or otherwise draining you. and to pull away from that and get something done regardless? well, i think that’s really admirable! please try to take pride in the things you do accomplish in a day, no matter how small or trifling you perceive them to be. you can’t be proud of your growth if you don’t notice where you already are!

[recoveryfriend]

Your purpose in life is not to love yourself but to love being yourself.

If you goal is to love yourself, then your focus is directed inward toward yourself, and you end up constantly watching yourself from the outside, disconnected, trying to summon the “correct” feelings towards yourself or fashion yourself into something you can approve of.

If your goal is to love being yourself, then your focus is directed outward towards life, on living and making decisions based on what brings you pleasure and fulfillment.

Be the subject, not the object. It doesn’t matter what you think of yourself. You are experiencing life. Life is not experiencing you.

[recoveryfriend]

hey, i fucking hate walmart as much as the next punk but if you’re broke and can’t drive or don’t have a car and need groceries delivered for whatever reason or are in a food desert, walmart in the US has a 30 trial of walmart+ going on right now where you can get totally free grocery delivery and shipped items to your house, and they take food stamps on these online orders. the service is like $13/month which isn’t horrible, like i said i fucking hate walmart, but if you’re in a food desert, broke, poor, disabled, and or can’t drive this could save your ass

[recoveryfriend]

i’ve spent most of my life in milieus where beauty culture had a muted impact. i currently work with a group of body liberationists who don’t wear bras or makeup lol (a statement?? see sara ahmed). but recently i’ve been sucked into the vortex of skincare youtubers, media writers, redditors, bloggers, etc. and i’m soooo very interested in this phenomenon (tho only moderately interested in skincare itself). there are such interesting and disturbing parallels to diet culture, a lot of which are obvious. there’s also a subtler dynamic that i’ve been observing, and i and others have named it about diet culture, and i’ll call it the “moderation frame.”

the moderation frame in diet culture gives injunctions like: don’t be overly preoccupied with food and diet (cringe! get the dsm!); but don’t just eat whatever you feel like eating (the body isn’t that trustworthy)/we all know intervention in your instinctive diet and body’s processes is needed; have thorough nutritional knowledge but only trust The Credentialed Experts (many of whom are in fact untrustworthy). we’re expected to do quite a bit of work to maintain a certain nutritional state and a certain body status. but the state and status are culturally determined, along with their desirability–without the baseline assumption that there is only one right way to have a body, there is no point in the quest to attain it. and of course, i am deeply critical of norming the quest to obtain it, bc bodies can in fact be trusted to regulate eating, shape, and size largely on their own. we are intervening in processes that don’t need intervention, and the intervention itself is the point–to keep us distracted, self-hating, and buying.

the analogue in skincare and “anti-aging” is sth like: don’t go overboard (sad! bimbofication!), but obviously you can’t just :/ let your skin have wrinkles and spots :/ i think we can all agree that’s [a horror] to be avoided. and the knowledge these people have (superficial and memed as it is), even lay people, about skin and skincare ingredients? it’s a staggering investment that requires, and so like orthorexia and other EDs where we become encyclopedias of nutrition facts. and dermatologists are some of the worst peddlers of cosmetic skincare bullshit, like many nutrition and medical professionals (particularly if they have influencer status) in the area of food/body.

in both areas, too, it makes sense to be thoughtful–that we’re eating enough and eating in ways that support our own bodies; that we’re taking care with skin cancer risk. but what’s demanded of us as good citizens and consumers in skincare and diet cultures is, again, an anxious preoccupation that’s based in the assumption that the body can’t just be, can’t simply be what it is. it has to be controlled and normed and understood “scientifically” to that end. it’s all so very rational, right??

we’re all aware of the political underpinnings and implications of these things. awareness of those things is literally my job! and even i get sucked in. i am not immune to propaganda, and neither are you. it’s good to reflect on our investments of time, energy, money, and emotion. i have personally pulled myself out of a week-long skincare-culture hyperfixation quagmire and i won’t be going back!

[recoveryfriend]

one of the most important things, perhaps the most important thing I have learned in my life is that nice people can fuck each other up in monstrous ways. people can be bone deep kind and loving and self reflective and still lash out under pressure. people can be earnestly neighbourly and charitable and hospitable and generous and still find themselves in situations where they become selfish. people can be well meaning and easygoing and gregarious and hold deep seated opinions that turn them into vicious little bullies under the right conditions. nobody is just one thing, and nobody stays one way. every person is a kaleidoscope and they will surprise you. you will surprise yourself. it's not a warning and it's not a judgement and it's not an excuse, and it's certainly not a reason to stop trying or to stop trusting. it is just a fact.

[recoveryfriend]

I had bulimia for several years plus depression boughts where I was lucky if I brushed much less flossed. I do think it is important to stress like even when it's hard pick flossing/brushing your teeth over showering if it comes down to energy but like honestly I'd gone 9 years since my last dental check and it was pretty gnarly but everyone was very nice and nonchalant about it. People come in with all kinds of teeth and they train to look at them very clinically. You will be amazed at how much DOESNT HURT after getting your teeth fixed. Also?? The weird tongue fuzz that I seemed to developed went down a lot as they started filling in the cavities. It's all very like that tree thing. Best time to go was 6 months after the last time you went. Second best time is now.

thank you for sharing! I don't have much to add other than this is pretty similar to my experience and I think it's pretty common among people who've had eating disorders. Like there are just so many of us who have had giant periods of dental neglect coinciding with our periods of poorest mental health, and it's true that even while there's a lot of shame that comes along with it, this is normal enough that it's really unfair to judge or blame people for their oral health. So your doctors shouldn't, and you shouldn't either!

Shame and money are the two biggest things that get in the way of people seeking help. Not everyone has access to care, but shame is always preventable and should be minimized as much as possible so that people don't fear the resources that they do have access to!

[recoveryfriend]

are there any other former bulimics/people who purged by vomiting/eating disorder patients in general who have had to deal with major dental work and could give advice on how to best advocate for yourself? anything you would tell someone else in recovery who’s currently going through that process?

[recoveryfriend]

You can't choose not to be angry, but you can choose not to take your anger out on other people.

You can't choose not to be sad, but you can choose to manage your sadness in a constructive way.

You can't choose not to be jealous, but you can choose to work through it in a healthy manner.

You can't choose not to be anxious, but you can choose not to make it someone else's responsibility.

Controlling what you feel is an impossible mission, but you can and should work on controlling how you act on your emotions.

[recoveryfriend]

are there any other former bulimics/people who purged by vomiting/eating disorder patients in general who have had to deal with major dental work and could give advice on how to best advocate for yourself? anything you would tell someone else in recovery who’s currently going through that process?

[recoveryfriend]

keeping my eye out for the most up-to-date size-inclusive guidelines for pregnancy prevention & termination (pls add on if you have resources), but here’s a quick rundown from a wonderful HAES physician & fat activist:

As the conversation about abortion swirls, it’s a good time to remind ourselves and our patients that plan B is less effective in patients over 155lbs (?!). 

The best advice for patients of size until better products are available is to:

- take 2 if you have them. 

- take 1 as soon as possible if you don’t have two

- Ella is effective up to a BMI of 30, less effective up to 35. It also can be used with no decreased effectiveness up to day 5. 

- Copper IUDs are the most effective post coital contraceptive

- ocps are also less effective in fat patients and may not provide as good endometrial or pregnancy protection

- Progesterone IUDs should be strongly considered in patients of size who want to prevent pregnancy or need endometrial protection, especially if they live or study in abortion restricted states. 

- I don’t know the weight significance for abortion pills- looking into it.

[recoveryfriend]

eating disorders are on a sort of spectrum, but contrary to popular belief, that spectrum does not go from “restricts too much” (anorexia nervosa) to “eats too much” (misconception of binge eating disorder).

all eating disorders are disorders of restriction. the difference is in people’s bodies’ responses to that restriction. to put it very crudely, anorexics respond w more and more restriction (at least for a while), bulimics with binge eating and then purging, and BED with more frequent bingeing, with other disorders scattered across the spectrum and most people sliding from one set of behaviors to another over time. most anorexics end up bulimic or in some type of b/p cycle bc the body’s drive to eat after starvation is so overwhelming. eventually, almost everyone binges to some extent and w varying frequency. 

the fundamental issue with every eating disorder is restriction, no matter your size or your diagnosis. step one in treating AN, BN, BED, OSFED, and all the rest is: eat enough food.