rcminas

[rcminas]

romina’s social media ☆ recent feed → goodbye hawaii vlog

[rcminas]

 grahamfr:

“it’s okay, romina..” his eyes trailed from her face to her open suitcase, his smile easily fading away into a quick frown but he was quickly replaced with a small smile. he forgot, his roommates needed to pack too; it was all too real to sit here and watch them rummage through their things and pack away. their nightly cuddles and movies would end soon and he’d be back home, alone in his bedroom to silence; no longer would graham be used to the comfortable voices from his roommates or for him to nag to get him whatever he wanted. “you could have bought it again, i should feel ashamed but .. it’s been like five months. come on, look feel my face. smooth as hell.” he leaned forward for her to reach and touch his face as he promoted. “invent a time machine, do i look like a scientist?” he sat up and grabbed a pillow to hold, “it’s wild, because the first time you walked in here i wanted to die. but in a good way. it was a weird coincidence we were roommates.” he teased.

romina leaned forward to pat his cheek, widening her eyes in an exaggerated manner.“ wow, so soft. just like a baby’s butt, wow, ” she enthused, pinching his cheek in the same way parents pinch their children’s cheeks before dropping her hand. “ make sure you keep moisturizing. i should remind jude before we go, too. skincare is important and don’t you forget it, ” she says, pointing a finger at graham. it was strange to think she’d be all alone soon, with no roommates keeping her up at night, and no friends living in the same big house. there were countless times on the trip romina had wished to be alone, but now that she knew she would be she was scared. “ no you look like an inventor, ” she teases, as if to prove the idea of creating a time machine was still possible. “ wanted to die in a good way ? ” romina repeats with a laugh, shaking her head as she thought back to the beginning of the trip and how messy things had started out. “ i was stoked before i realized it wasn’t just the two of us sharing a room and we had a third roommate, too. not that it stopped us, anyway, but still. that honestly feels like a lifetime ago, ” she comments, her eyes widening again, this time in a genuine manner.“ we aged like ten years on this trip. remember how sad we were when we got here ? ”

[rcminas]

grahamfr:

@rcminas

graham set the one packed suitcase he had off to the side and looked at his nearly emptied wardrobe and sighed, thinking back to the first time he moved in and how much he’s grown along with his roommates or how the first time he saw romina step into the room and sent his heart spiraling into confusion, not expecting her as a roommate. he didn’t complain, they had their fun. “hey,” he called to grab her attention as he walked over to his nightstand and rummaged through the bottom drawer to pull out a moisturizer, “so uh, i kind of stole this from you months ago and used it secretly because it smelled nice and made my skin feel like a baby’s butt.” he waved in the air, giving her nothing less than an awkward smile before jogging forward and belly flopping onto her bed. “ugh, takes me back.”

it was strange how fast the year seemed to have flown past them, the empty room the biggest reminder they’d all be going home in a few days. it was such a stark contrast to how romina had first felt walking into the villa, like she had all the time in the world to enjoy hawaii. and now there she was, folding the last of her clothes to tuck into her neatly packed suitcase, one of many spread out at the foot of her bed. she glances up when graham calls out, watching him search for something before he’s waving a moisturizer and confessing to a theft she never knew about. romina laughs, scooting over as her roommate throws himself onto her bed.“ so that’s where it went — you know, this whole time time i just thought i misplaced it. you made me beat myself up about being so absentminded for all these months, you should be ashamed, ” romina pretends to chastise before she lets out a sigh, leaning down across her pillows. “ god i can’t believe it’s really over. so much happened, but why does it still feel like we just got here ? i hate this. invent a time machine. ”       

[rcminas]

romina’s social media ☆ recent feed → instagram

[rcminas]

send me a symbol for...

stutterisms:

✿  five times my muse almost texted yours, and the one time they did.

▲  five time my muse thought about kissing yours, and the one time they did.

☠  five times my muse thought about hitting yours, and the one time they did.

★  five times my muse though yours looked breath-taking, and the one time they voice it.

❤  five times my muse says they don’t love yours, and the one time they admit it.

▼  five times my muse has caught yours getting off, and the one time they help out.

♫  five times my muse swears it’s not a date, and the one time it maybe is.

☪  five times our muses almost hold hands, and the one time they do.

☁  five times my muse has thought about yours, and the one time they do something about it.

☢  five times my muse almost sends a nude, and the one time they do.

[rcminas]

rhvnzy:

days after rushed apologies and a littered excuse for a separation, after tear ducts begged for a break, his mind raced and tried to recall every lecture the male had attended in the four years of college. he had lost count on how many psychology powerpoints he memorized, notes he rewrote multiple times, terms he engraved into his head but, his brain couldn’t come up with one logical reason for the break up. it would be easier if he could blame it on insecurity, trust issues, a cheating scandal, some issue that planted itself in the girl — that he could work towards watering and watch it bloom safely around his heart, but it never came. the man went as far as to point his finger at fate, tried to argue that maybe it was destined, that the two never worked together and he could have made himself believe it, throw it away on the fact that they tried in the first place. but that wasn’t enough for him. the blonde was known for his perseverance, for working against any obstacle because trying was never enough, not when he knew he could do better. when he was ten, head full of soft black curls bounced as he ran across the soccer field, chest rising and falling quickly as he regained his breaths. he was good, but he wasn’t the best, and trying out, making the team wasn’t enough for him. when he was fourteen, head full of recently dyed silver curls leaped as he ran against the track field, chest rising and falling quickly as his heart pounded threatening to break out. he was good, but he wasn’t the best, and for the next eight years he worked towards it. when he was eighteen, head full of flat blonde curls whipped as he caught eyes with a random blonde girl at starbucks, palms sweating and heart racing in his ears. that afternoon, as he jumped into the empty seat in the cafeteria high off the encounter, he had told his friends it was fate. his friends had laughed, rolled their eyes, because the blonde was never serious about partners, but as soon as mumbled promises to try to obtain the girl flew out his mouth, the laughs paused and worried glances were exchanged with warnings of not hurting the mutual friend they shared. everyone knew trying wasn’t in his vocabulary, because try meant doing, and doing meant it was going to happen. as he stood before the same girl who still managed to have his heart hammer against his ribs, he didn’t feel like trying, he felt worn down and exhausted as if he just finished the longest meet of his life. his ears don’t miss the way her breath hitched in her throat, an eyebrow raised in question, before he feels his muscles tensing against the newly sported bruise that rested on his face. “romina,” he mimicks, “no,” he tried to put force into his words, a threat to not dive into deep waters but the two couple was never good with ultimatums. it was silent, just stares passing between them, like one was daring the other to speak. he wanted to. he had five million questions racing through his mind. (why? why wasn’t i enough? what did he do that i couldn’t? was he better? do you love him?) the questions lingered at the tip of his tongue but with a thick swallow, they were pushed back. he took her silence as a way out of the conversation, a nod of his head sent her way before he attempted to brush past her and begin to leave the area. words rush out, the way a saint would confess to the priest, the words enough to glue his feet to the ground, breath stuck in his throat. “don’t,” he chokes, an instant regret flooding through him as he catches the way the order comes out ragged. his body commands him to force his eyes shut, to try to block out the knife digging into his heart, but he forces himself to look at her. memories of the two dancing around each other, ignoring each other, forgetting each other floods back as she speaks about the first month into the trip. “don’t put this on me,” he scoffs, fist clenching at his side and he knew if he didn’t calm himself blood would trickle down from where his fingernails clawed. “i was sad too, i didn’t lift that weight sleeping with one of our best friends,” he interrupts once again, tongue licking over the front row of his teeth before poking at the side of his mouth as he listens, eyebrows furrowed. his teeth catch his bottom lip, “that was like two months after we broke up. after we called off a fucking engagement,” he recalls, if he had his math right. “no, you’re right, it isn’t okay and it isn’t justified,” he nods his head at her words, not caring if it was harsh because he knew it wasn’t uncalled for. “but you don’t know who you hurt,” brown hues throw daggers her way, “i don’t give a fuck about my feelings here. you hurt teagan, jude, and even kaia’s dumbass who has her head so far up her ass that she goes out of her way to ruin every relationship she is in. even graham, who has the same self destructive tendencies, who i fucking beat the shit out of. you should go check on him.” the male has never been at thinking before he speaks, he had a sharp tongue and a slick mouth and in any other case it would help. but not when he was dealing with his ex. his eyes look through her hers, he sees the sorry in them, the want to take it back, but late apologies have also never sat well with him. “what the fuck could be worse than this?” he bites out, jaw clenching, only heightening the pain he feels in the injured area. 

it was almost comical now, how worried their friends had been about rhen breaking her heart, how worried romina had been about rhen breaking her heart. all this time he was the one painted with caution tape and masqueraded as a warning label when it should have been the opposite. she was the one who had ended up breaking his heart, and it seemed even now she had no idea how to stop. she wanted so badly to blame it on her parents. to say destruction was a habit she had inherited, one they had taught her how to use. she wanted so badly to pretend that was true. she wanted so badly to blame it on timelines, to tell him that maybe he had just found her in the wrong universe. but romina knew neither of those options were fair, or true, because they were easy ways out. she could really only blame herself. she flinches at his words, the harshness of them striking her, real as any fist. romina’s taken aback by how foreign they sound, how foreign everything about his anger was because it was directed at her. whenever they had gotten into fights when they had been together, they were usually fleeting. it used to be impossible for the couple to stay mad at each other for long. after they had split up, that mentality had been tested, but even then it had been petty words thrown around in the group chat or long periods of silence. this was so much more real, raw and terrifying in a way that made her want to disappear. “ i know you didn’t, ” romina manages to choke, wishing she could shrink her tall frame into something smaller. “ i’m sorry. —god, i’m sorry. ” she says it anyway, despite the fact that he’d told her he wouldn’t care if she apologized, despite the fact that those two words were never enough and everyone knew it. “ you don’t know how much i wish i could take it back, rhen, you can’t know. ” every word feels more useless than the last, every attempt more futile. but romina had no idea how else she was supposed to express the regret sitting heavy on her chest, or the remorse making it harder and harder to breathe. she had no idea what to do with the guilt over hurting him except try. that was all she seemed capable of doing— desperately trying, like someone grasping at the dirt before slipping off a cliff. that’s what it felt like, listening to the boy she loved just as much as she had before the first time she had ever broken his heart be so cold. it felt like she was slipping off a cliff, plunging deep into a darkness she wanted nothing to do with, not when she could still remember every loving word he had ever delivered to her. “ that’s not fair. ” romina was shaking her head, hurt seeping deep with every word. “ you don’t get to do that. you don’t get to make me feel like this is all my fault. ” she looks at him, eyes watering in frustration and sadness, expression more telling than she would have liked but romina was past being able to control it.  “ i hurt you. and i hurt teagan, and i hurt jude — but i never hurt graham or kaia. you don’t get to tell me that. you don’t get to say i did, like this was all my bad idea. you don’t get to put that on me, not when there’s more than enough there already. ” she ends with something dangerously close to a sob, voice shaking. romina had no idea if he’d meant it when he said she had hurt graham and kaia, or if maybe somehow he was right, but something about the possibility had been enough to coax the tears from her eyes so she had to bring up a hand and swipe them away as quick as they had fallen. “ you’re right. i slept with someone two months after we called off an engagement. ” she hates how pathetic she sounds, how pathetic she must look, but most of all how pathetic she feels standing there crying in front of him. “ but i don’t understand. i don’t understand why that matters to you, past the fact of who it was i slept with. i don’t understand why it matters that i slept with someone else when you’re the one that left. ” romina was looking straight at him, eyes round and helpless like some trapped animal, desperate for something she could make sense of. “ —did you still love me ? ” she asks, voice cracking. she could still remember that night in dubai, and the way his body had fit against hers for the first time in months, and how right it had all felt. she could still remember the words he’d murmured against her skin and in between kisses.“ do you still love me ? ” romina’s not sure she could handle the answer, not with the anger in his gaze when he looks at her, his hurt an open wound so visible she’s dizzy. “ you’re wondering what could be worse than this. i’ll tell you, ” she's speaking between choppy breathes, cheeks wet and salty, tears streaming faster than she was able to wipe them.“ i can take this. i can handle you mad at me. i can take yelling, i can take the harsh words. i can handle you hating me forever, no matter how much it would break my heart. but never talking to you again— i can’t. i can’t do that. that’s worse, rhen, that’s so much worse. please don’t do that. you don’t have to forgive me. you don’t have to love me. but please don’t disappear. ”    

[rcminas]

rhvnzy:

the silence of seven am when the house was asleep, when the frigid pool water calmed torched skin, when the warmth from the sun glued itself onto the tan body seemed to be the only escape the male could get from the tension that suffocated the villa. since the arrival from dubai everyone seemed to tip toe around him, as if eggshells crowded him, only speaking to him in whispers and smiles of pity. as of last night, that only intensified. he hadn’t meant to let his anger get the best of him, despite everything he talked about, he would argue that his anger is the worst part of him. it built up in him, took over the usual wide grin and playful eyes and turned them into sneers and deadly glares. the past week had been taken a toll on the male if the slothful footsteps and near dead hair had anything to show for it. it seemed as if time had slowed down since the night in dubai. he could still remember the ghost feel of his lips pressed over his ex fiancees neck, the roar of laughter from separating jude from a fight, the playful banter between kaia and him. when graham had approached him, words slurred out and time felt frozen. he had to remind himself to breath. the same feeling that splashed him when the khang family broke into fights, the same feeling that washed over him when he had met romina for the first time, the same feeling that drowned him when he broke off his engagement. he missed the college days of freshmen year. innocent, new, hopeful. now it seemed as if the group was tearing itself apart but refusing to leave. it was hard thinking the family he had made would be no more. his feet kicked at the crystal clear water that reflected the orange streams of the sunrise, bare back laying against the floor that had started to heat up, arms crossed over his eyes. a sigh escaped his pink lips as he heard the familiar voice, the one who multiple times left the man broken and confused. “no,” he mumbles out, groggy from the early morning but loud enough to reach her. “no, we can’t talk, and we probably shouldn’t talk,” he let out a groan, allowing his arms to fall to his side, brown eyes squinted towards her. his eyes roamed over her body, the taste of blood rushing back into him as he bit the side of his mouth, his mind recalling the comments graham had made on noises and flexibility. “because if we do talk, i’ll end up saying something we’ll both regret. you’ll apologize, i won’t care,” he pushes him up from the floor, soaked feet leaving trail prints behind him as he steps near the blonde. “let’s just, go back to acting as if the other isn’t on this trip okay?”

romina had never paid too much attention in science classes before college, but there was one concept she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about since dubai— the chaos theory, better known as the butterfly effect. it was the theory that one seemingly insignificant event could make something drastic happen in the future, like a butterfly flapping it’s wings causing a hurricane. there had to be an explanation, a bigger reason as to why everything around their group of friends was falling apart. romina would give anything to go back in time and pinpoint that exact moment, that tiny action that led to this aftermath. how tiny was it ? was it something as simple as her taking a different route to her eight o’clock lecture ? or did it go back further than that, to childhood, to which leg she had taken her first step with ? according to the chaos theory, there was no way of truly knowing what one tiny moment in time can cause, but she would give anything to posses that knowledge if it meant she had even the slightest shot at fixing all she had broken. his no strikes her in the chest, even the most basic of refusals working to make her feel just that much more hopeless. for a moment she’s stuck there, debating if maybe he was on the right path after all. what good would talking do now, anyway ? maybe she’d only hurt him more if she tried — and god was she tired of hurting him. but then he’s looking at her, and it hurts, it hurts just as much as it did all the times he’d looked at her with that same mixture of pain and confusion whenever she’d done something to push him away when they were still together. it hurts because romina knows it’s her fault. the bruise on the side of his face catches her eye, her breath hitching, fingers twitching at her side. she wants to reach out, to ghost her fingertips along the discolored skin as if that might be enough to heal it, but she keeps her hands pressed so tightly at her side her fingers almost curl into fists. “ rhen, ” romina tries again, the desperation she feels practically clogging her throat shut. “ please. ” she’s still as he walks closer towards her, her gaze torn away from his face after he spoke about saying things they’d both regret and not caring if she apologized. she felt so stupid for even trying, stupid and horribly naive. of course he didn’t owe her that pleasure— he didn’t owe her anything. and she was ready to turn away, too, until he talked about continuing the trip acting as if the other didn’t exist. romina’s heart sunk, the organ reduced to something as heavy as lead. she could still recall that first month she had spent without him, and how there had been things that had hurt far more than his absence. it was him pretending that she hadn’t existed that had truly torn her into a mess of brilliant, scattered pieces— the same pieces she’d later try to put together in all the wrong ways.“ the first time i slept with him was the week after the fourth of july. ” romina didn’t know why she was telling him this, but once the words were out it was like she couldn’t stop.“ we had all been at the villa for a little over a month then. do you remember how we were around each other in the beginning, you and me ? we pretended like the other didn’t exist. and we were so good at it. you were so good at it. ” she only pauses then to look at him, just for a moment before her gaze is moving past him, towards the hazy rays of first sunlight being reflected along the pool’s surface.“ i think it was the holiday that really messed things up. seeing everyone so happy when there was this hole in my chest— seeing you look happy. it was a lot. it was too much. things were too much for him, too. i guess it’s easy to look for something to lift some of the weight away when you’re that sad. so we slept together. and every time after that it was the same thing. ” tentatively, as if his face was something that might blind her if she looked at it for too long, romina turned to glance at him once more, letting her eyes search his expression as if maybe she’d find something there.“ i’m not telling you this because i think it’s going to make it okay, or because i think what i did was justified or right. i don’t. and i’m not telling you this because i want you to feel bad, or because i want to make myself a victim. i don’t. i’m not stupid, rhen, i know i'm wrong. ” her inhale is sharp, jagged as it fights past the lump inside her throat. “ i know who i hurt. but please, please don’t tell me going back to pretending the other doesn’t exist is the best thing to do. ” romina pleads, eyes full of guilt and emotions she’s not sure she’ll ever find the words for, but before all that there was remorse there, desperate and raw.“ because i know that’s not true. it doesn’t work. it makes it worse. ” 

[rcminas]

@rhvnzy

it had always seemed strange to romina, how easily time continued to pass by even after something big had flipped her life upside down, like a tornado ripping through the walls of houses. there was still that naive, childish part of her that always expected things to stop. after the first birthday her parents forgot, the sky was still the sky. the first time she’d gone to bed with a guy only for him to pretend she didn’t exist after, the grass was still grass. when her parents had divorced and told her about it through email the same week of her college graduation, the clouds were still clouds. and even after rhenzy had left her alone in that apartment they once had shared, even after the life they had built together toppled over like dominoes, even after everything romina had ever wanted had burst into flames — the sun was still the sun. the world kept moving, even if she wanted so badly for it to stop. it was the same now. time still passed, life carried on even when romina couldn’t find it within herself to do the same. more than a week had passed since that night in dubai, the night that would forever live on in both the best and worst parts of her memory. more than a week had passed but romina was almost unaware of it, as if that night had thrown her into a suspended sort of  limbo where things stopped feeling real. she’d been shut away for most of it, guilt and fear keeping her separated from the rest of the villa. she couldn’t face anybody, not even the people she hadn’t hurt by sleeping with graham and kaia then hiding it for a month. even the thought of it would feel like a sort of betrayal, because why should she be allowed a sense of normalcy when she was that tornado ripping through the walls of houses ? she’d done something she wasn’t sure she could ever fix. there was no band-aid for betrayal, no set healing period where everything was sure to be okay after. it was the fear of running into the people she had hurt that really motivated her to stay away. all romina had been picturing whenever she closed her eyes was the look of pure heartbreak on teagan’s face that night in dubai. she wasn’t ready to face that again, not by a long shot. but leaving the villa everyday was exhausting. there was only so much she could spend the day doing in hawaii before she started to feel like she was running away, before the itch to book a plane ticket home started to creep in. and so romina had gotten up early, almost with the sun, ready to at least spend the morning swimming at the villa before she resumed her now regular schedule of disappearing from sight and isolating. and maybe she could have convinced herself she’d have an alright day, even though she was still choking on guilt and regret, had she’d not seen her ex fiance sprawled out by the pool.  “ fuck. fuck, fuck, fuck. ” it was a string of curses, the words whispered under breath in tune to her erratic heartbeat. she was the rabbit stepping into the snare, realizing too late the danger of the situation. every atom in her body was telling romina to run, to escape before he saw her. every fiber in her being was telling her to turn around, or maybe drown herself in the swimming pool, but she was frozen in place. she hadn’t seem him that night graham had confessed. she hadn’t faced him. and now there he was, shirtless like the two of them had been inside that tiny bathroom stall. the same stall she had confessed her love for him, the love she meant as much as she had the first time she’d ever told him years ago. romina still remembered his words. do you mean it ? please mean it. she still remembered how he had said he loved her back. now she was the one borrowing those same words, desperately turning them over and over inside her head for the past week, thinking about all the reasons why he wouldn’t mean them anymore. she had broken his heart. she had broken his heart twice. and maybe that’s why romina was walking closer, until she was hovering next to him, no doubt the streak or darkness in his once sunny day. because no matter how much the thought of facing him terrified her, she needed to know what he was feeling. not so she could fix it, or pretend like she hadn’t done something terrible — romina wasn’t delusional. she just needed to know. “ hi. ” her voice was small, so much smaller than usual. she felt naked, and not because of her swimsuit. she felt stupidly exposed, like a snail without it’s shell. she felt like maybe the past year of her life was all a bad dream and that she’d wake up safe in his arms, a glittering ring still dotting her finger. she felt like the biggest fraud on the planet. “ can we talk ? we should probably talk. ”  

[rcminas]

we were happy (insp.)

[rcminas]

rhvnzy:

the problem with a tug of war relationship was the inconsistency, the not knowing whether the other would loosen the string or pull on it with complete force, the uncertainty of what role to play. the separated couple was no exception, at first they went into the relationship with a game plan and despite a few lost matches, the two seemed to weather the game enough to last a blissful four years but with any game, communication and trust played a role and caused a drift, ultimately breaking up the pair. now, instead of being a team, the two stood on opposite sides of the rope, pulling and pushing each other carelessly, on the bridge of losing the game forever. lean body leaning against the kitchen sink, he placed his hands on either side of him holding his figure up, “uh,” his eyebrows furrowed, “i guess? i mean it would’ve been a mistake had you woken up angry and shit,”  he shrugged off the question, “but since you didn’t, it’s just awkward and weird, i mean, it was just sleeping. it didn’t mean anything.” he pushes himself off the counter, waving away her suggestion to let her starve as he begins to take out every breakfast item the group was hoarding in the refrigerator or cabinets. “either you say something or i end up cooking everything,” he says humorously, hand turning the stove on before crouching down to take out the pans, measuring cups, and other utensils. he gives her a sharp nod, “pancakes it is,” pink lips curving into a soft smile in response, “you don’t have to thank me.” his hands pull open the easy mix batter for the pancakes, planning out an elaborate breakfast deciding he might as well cook for the others in the group as well. cooking was easy. it was effortless to follow instructions leading to the bigger picture but life, much less relationships, didn’t come with simple cut out instructions. his posture stiffens at her suggestion, tensing at the memory of countless mornings the two shared where they shared kisses between sips of orange juice, feeding each other, cleaning up batter that seemed to get on cabinets because the pair couldn’t keep their hands to themselves. “right,” he cleared his throat, “sure.” the silence that echoed between them was peaceful, for a second he forgot the torn string between them, enjoying the tranquility that slept between the two as they prepared the breakfast. he begs for it to stay that way, wishes that for once life would humor the couple and allow them to enjoy a simple moment, one where he didn’t feel the need to puke out regret or sadness each time memories crossed his mind but without a doubt, the moment is pinched with her question. “uh,” he glances at her, “i don’t know,” he flips three pancakes, counting in his mind the stability of his breathing before turning to face her, lip caught between teeth. “partly because you were drunk, yeah,” his head tilts as he ponders how to speak to the femme. his tongue was wired to speak to soft words and roll out endless praises, mind and body infatuated with the girl from the start, and he remembers the extensive times he had to catch himself after the break up, mouth threatening to still spill loved sentences. instead he taught himself to speak neutrally to her, detached, out of love, the way he spoke to every other person that came into his life and left his bed after the split. “but also,” his eyes trail back to the pans before him, watching the food that was cooking like a hawk, “it was like an instinct to get in bed and take care of you? even though it’s been a while since we broke up, i guess my mind still hasn’t let go of the constant feeling of stepping in when you need me. it’s second nature to me,” he mumbles the words, loud enough to where she can hear, but soft to where any other noise could cancel him out, “it’ll take a bit longer until that goes away. maybe it won’t go away? i’ll always feel the need to care for you, i feel that way with all of the other shitheads in the group, despite the fights and shit. i mean, with you it’s different, obviously, but, i don’t know. i just,” he stays silent for a few seconds before shrugging, “stayed.” 

romina didn’t know when she first learned to bite her tongue, but she had a hunch about when she started to get good at it, especially when it came to the boy in front of her. most dirty habits developed in college had to do with drinking or not sleeping— her dirty habits were all things she never told him. like on the nights when he’d come home and try to wrap his arms around her only for her to shrug away, it wasn’t because she didn’t love him, but because she’d just seen her mother hurl a plate at her father’s head and the image of it still burned beneath the surface of her eyelids. like when he would talk about marrying her and the color would drain from her face, it wasn’t because she didn’t want to spend the rest of her life by his side, but because she’d gone back home for the weekend only to find divorce papers taped to the fridge like some kind of trophy. even now, full of hurt and regret and the desire to fix everything she had shattered between them, romina was still biting her tongue. she was still swallowing her words.it was just sleeping. it didn’t mean anything. his words echo inside her head. how she longed to tell him otherwise. how she yearned to say it was just sleeping, but it meant everything. you mean everything. she starts to mix the batter instead. cooking was how romina winded down, her equivalent to a glass of wine after a long day of work, but she can’t relax next to rhen. she’s hyper aware of the space between them, of every move she makes, mostly because of how easy it would be to slip up and accidentally brush against him instead. she didn’t think she could handle that. not when the knotted mess inside her chest that had been left behind in place of her heart on the day he’d left her alone in the apartment that used to be theirs was already unraveling, the way she had woken up in his arms tugging at the string faster. if she wasn’t careful it might come undone. “ but i do have to thank you. ” she speaks up, and there’s a sad smile curving her lips as she glances at him for the briefest of moments. “ taking care of me isn’t your job anymore. ” for a while it’s quiet between them, and although the air is heavy, romina could pretend that maybe this is normal. that maybe the sizzling sound slicing through the air as he butters the pan in preparation for the pancakes isn’t making her want to cry because even the memories of the two of them attached to that one little noise are too much for her to let herself remember. for a while it’s quiet, but neither of them can pretend that she hadn’t broken the silence when she’d asked him why he stayed, and the minute she hears his voice again she feels like holding her breath. every word spilling from his lips is unraveling that thing in her chest more and more, and romina’s afraid maybe when she opened her mouth a sticky wad of string might come out in the place of her words. “ i know that feeling, ” she begins, hesitant of where to train her gaze. the girl settles for his hand, the one flipping the pancakes. “ i feel it too. for you. and i can’t imagine it ever going away. it’s crazy, really— even in ten years, i know i’ll still feel it. even in twenty years, if you need me, if you show up out of the blue asking for my help— i know i’d give it. i’d take care of you. maybe that’s normal.  ” she feels silly for saying so much, and strangely vulnerable too, like a forest animal with it’s soft belly exposed. romina forces herself to tear her gaze away from his hand and direct it towards his face, towards the dark eyes he’d stopped letting her see into, and towards the gentle swoop of the hair she was no longer allowed to run her fingers through and tug on because she knew how much it teased him when she did. she holds a plate out for the pancakes done cooking.“ i’m sorry. ” she ends up blurting, still looking at him, as if maybe he’d hear her say something and he’d slip up and let her see again. as if maybe if she looked at him for long enough she wouldn’t have to be scared of never seeing him again after they leave the villa. “ i’m sorry i get myself into messes. and i’m sorry you still have to take care of me. i’ll work on it, starting with asking you to stay the night. i won’t do that again. ”     

[rcminas]

* &. VILLAS TASK 05 ┊ ﾟ◝  ; RHEN VLOGGING ON ROMISWORLD THROWBACK

ft. romina / the episode where rhenzy took over rominas vlogs even if it was for a few clips and she became the subject while he lived the ‘director life’

BONUS:

[rcminas]

rhvnzy:

the floor felt bitter against bare feet, skin scorching where fingers wrapped themselves around, an ironic contradiction. the pair seemed to be another set of contradictions, ones that once meshed together but now seemed to clash. throughout his entire high school and college career the blonde ran, and he was good at it, his legs seemed to take him for miles with nothing but the wind trailing behind him. there was a comfort with running, with the feeling of never being caught, with the feeling of an escape. he would run until body collapsed, the soreness of his bones leaving the male satisfied. as soon as he was off the track field, it seemed as if he was still running in his everyday life, he ran to avoid. standing in the kitchen with the apology streaming out of her mouth, his legs begged to run. to run from the woman who held his heart and simultaneously crushed it, run from the visions and dreams that he had conjured for the two, and simply run from another fight that left him tired. his shoulders bounced in a shrug, “don’t worry about it, you were drunk,” his back turns to face her as he rummages through the fridge, stacking ingredients on the marble counter, “it was a mistake. now, did you want breakfast?”  avoidance was a specialty of the blonde, he could have majored it in with the practice he held under his belt from multiple experiences of dodging one night stands and attached bed-mates. it was the only plan he had conjured since the moment he left their apartment after breaking things off, avoiding her and the separation at any cost. “i can make an omelette, or pancakes,” he lists off options, eyes scanning the pantries and cabinets of groceries, “really anything. i just figure food will be good for the hangover you’re probably nursing. it seems like they got actual food for once.” he allows himself to turn and look into her eyes, the puddle of brown gazed back at him, an impassive look on his face. he was good at playing roles, it seemed. in high school he played the player role, in college he played the boyfriend role, and now it seemed the aftermath led him to play the asshole role. without speaking another word he fills up a glass of cold water and shakes two aspirins out of the container, placing them in her hands before returning to occupy himself in the kitchen. “uh, you can just sit, it won’t be long.”

she feels her heart lodged inside the back of her throat like a forgotten piece of meat to choke on, every one of his words making it harder and harder to breathe. it was amazing romina can make out the sound of his voice over the beating of her own heart, the blood rushing to her ears deafening—and yet she could. even in a crowd of people she knew she’d be able to pinpoint it, the timbre of it a melody to a song she’d never be able to forget. she hated how she’d have to live with that the same way she hated she’d have to live with knowing what could make him laugh or what could make him cry. or how she’d have to live with knowing his favorite music, how he liked his eggs cooked, or the way he’d spend a rainy afternoon. “ a mistake ? ” romina echoes, trying not to wince. “ right. asking you to spend the night was a mistake. just like you getting into bed with me anyway was, right ? ” she was searching for a reaction, desperate for a hint as to what he was thinking or feeling. it was all she had been doing the past few months, it seemed. no matter how much she had avoided him, she couldn’t help but look for something— proof she was right and he didn’t love her. proof he never stopped. she didn’t know which option would hurt her more. “ you don’t have to make me anything, ” romina starts, conscious of her body as she lingers in the kitchen, the space feeling alien and familiar all at once. she could still picture the two of them in the mornings, cooking, but not here. it was the wrong place. it wasn’t their place. she stops herself from objecting more, not there to fight. and she’d be lying if a part of her wasn’t aching for this, for the way he was taking care of her. “ but pancakes sound good. ” the corners of her lip twitch, as if she was going to smile, but then he’s looking at her and it’s like a kick in the lungs. she hates how she can’t read his expression, how she can’t decode the lines of it like she used to when they were still together. “ thank you. ” romina wants so bad to let her fingers brush against his as he gives her the water, but she doesn’t. she feels dizzy, or maybe like this was all dream and she had never really woken up. she takes the asprin, ignoring his suggestion to sit down. instead she sets the glass of water down on the counter after taking a sip.“ let me help you. breakfast was always faster when we worked together, remember ? ” she wishes she could take back the words as soon as they leave her mouth, consciously reminiscing the last thing she wanted to do. romina doesn’t wait for him to object, moving behind him for a mixing bowl and measuring cup. it’s only when she’s getting out the ingredients does she pause. “ rhen ? ” she asks, turning to face him, only her furrowed brows breaking the neutrality of her expression. “ why did you stay when i asked you to ? ” romina feels like she’s holding her breath, trying so hard to keep her voice leveled. she knows she should bite her tongue, that nothing good could come out of poking and prodding, but she keeps picturing his arms around her. she keeps picturing how easy it would be to step behind him now and wrap around him in a back hug, or kiss the side of his face. she knew she had to know. “ was it because i was drunk ? ” 

[rcminas]

✖┋❛ &. pythons aesthetics › romina flores.

…all the wild summer was in her g a z e.

[rcminas]

BAD GIRLS CLUB: pythons edition~*

[rcminas]

rhvnzy:

warmth enveloped the room, sunlight peaking through and finding its way in, the heat sitting in the air. drowsy grumbles escaped parted lips, the male stirred, awakened by the jolt of pain that stung his leg. “what the fuck,” brown hues squinted around the room as the events of last night rushed to mind, the evidence of tangled blonde locks that laid on him being the only indication that he hadn’t dreamt up the previous night. his eyes slammed shut as a harsh sigh was let out, anger bubbling in him for falling prey to the puppy dog eyes and gentle voice asking him to spend the night. the couple had exceeded in steering clear from each other, not that their friends were any help, and the last thing he needed to start his new year off with was another heartache from his ex fiance. there had been minimal contact with his ex, besides the smart remarks thrown between the two in the text group chat or stolen glances when they all packed together in an event, he had learned how to not end up in a situation that left the two by themselves. truthfully he hadn’t even wanted to accompany the pythons on the trip, the wound still fresh from the separation a month prior to their scheduled trip but his group of friends were full of stubborn heads who promised to drag him to hawaii, if need be. his eyes scanned her face, features faint and angelic, and had it been eight or nine months ago, before they called it quits, he would’ve showered her with chaste pecks. it wasn’t like that anymore, he reminded himself, hands gently scooping up the head that laid asleep, laying her back down on the pillow as he detached himself from the femme, rising out of the queen size bed.it was pure ecstasy, eyes drawing in every curve and inch of her as she stilled under the covers, his fingers itching to wrap themselves around her frame. she wasn’t his anymore. the reminder punched through him, bare feet pressed against the heated floor, body arching back as he stretched out his limbs, the white tee rising slightly showcasing the fit body the blonde worked hard for. he hunched over, hand resting on the dip of her back, “romi?” his teeth gnaw at a swollen bottom lip, hand caressing the mess that sat on his head, voice flooded with a sleepy rasp. every part of him was telling him to leave, escape, while he still had the chance but he pushed those thoughts aside as his eyes glanced around the room to make sure her roommates were still asleep before trying once more, “romina?”

she practically holds her breath as she waits to see whether or not she woke him up, the lager part of her wishing she hadn’t. if he was still asleep that meant she could lay down a little longer, safe and warm in the familiar comfort of his embrace like she’d done a hundred times before. if he was still asleep then romina could pretend, just for a few moments, that everything was perfect and that their world hadn’t come crashing down months ago. there was that smaller part of her, though, that hoped he would wake up just so she could witness what he did and how he would react. —if it was bad it would hurt, but if it was good then honestly it might hurt her more. she could handle his anger, as much as it stung. what romina couldn’t handle was the pathetic way her heart lurched anytime he gave even the slightest sign he might still love her after all, like when he’d done as she asked and stayed the night. the internal debate is interrupted by his cursing, and the sound of his voice coming from so close makes her eyes squeeze shut a little tighter. she hated how much of an effect anything he did still had on her, and when his fingers were brushing against her face as he lifted her head off of him romina swore her lungs forgot the proper way to take in oxygen. he detached himself from her and there was a piece of her that went with him, that same piece of her that would always belong to him. her eyes were still closed but she could feel the emptiness of her bed, and like a child running their tongue over the cavity where their first tooth used to sit, she knew there was something significant about that space. romina wished she could still roll over, tug on his hand, and drag him back into bed with her. underneath the covers her fingers twitched at her side, aching to remember what that felt like. but the urge dissipated beneath his touch against her lower back, electricity traveling even between the fabric that separated their skin. at the sound of her nickname romina was so tempted to pretend she hadn’t heard him, to ignore the ache inside her chest and feign sleep until he gave up and walked away. and she almost did, that sleepy voice she hadn’t heard in so long so familiar to her she could have burst into tears. but she didn’t. instead she rolled over so she was facing him, eyes slowly blinking open to focus on his face. “ rhen ? ” sleep laces onto the word, making her voice even softer than usual, hopefully masking everything else she was feeling looking at him hovering over her bed like that. she takes in the tufts of disheveled blonde hair, the white shirt adorning the toned frame she knew lied beneath. she takes in the way he gnaws at his bottom lip, and the way his eyes sweep across her bedroom towards the two sleeping boys that shared it. carefully, as to not make any noise, romina sits up in her bed. she runs he fingers through her own blonde locks, lips parted as if she was going to say something more before she stops. the last thing she wanted was to wake anybody up, the questions they’d have for her unbearable to even imagine. even the thought of it prompts her out of bed, fingers tentatively wrapping around his wrist as she begins to lead him out of her room. “ come on. ”she wants out of the hallway, too, the idea of someone seeing the pair of ex lovers walking out of the same room just as bad as her roommates waking up and seeing them. romina continues to lead him until they end up in the kitchen, and it’s only a second too late that the girl realizes her fingers are still wrapped around his wrist. she drops her hand like it burns her, suddenly unsure of what to do with her hands if they aren’t touching him. “ i’m sorry. ” the apology comes late enough to be vague, maybe meant for the wrist touching or just for the fact that he woke up with her in his arms. she can’t bring herself to say anymore, not when the bigger part of her brain was stuck replaying how happy she had felt just moments before when they were tangled up together like they used to.

[rcminas]

do you regret your relationship with rhen?

“ would you regret the thing that made you happier than you ever thought was even possible just because it’s hurting you know ? i don’t. ”

[rcminas]

would you go off if rhen fucks jade again or some other python?

“ i wouldn’t have any right to go off on him or anyone he sleeps with, so definitely not. it’s not like we’re engaged. it won’t stop me from being hurt and jealous, though, i’m sure. ”