rayne-ray

[rayne-ray]

I remember lying about liking some one because I didn’t want to hear the aging

“Oh come on you have to like someone”

“Really you talk to this person so much you must like them”

“I thought you were with this person”

“How can you not like someone everyone has a crush”

“You just don’t wanna tell me, you like someone”

It was almost easier to lie about the “love” that I felt

I even actually did like some of them

I think

or I think I might’ve just convinced myself I did

And I still do it

I remember as a kid getting excited over romance

And my love for romance has only grown

I love romance, and I always have and I probably always will

I’ve waited my entire life for that grand romance I was promised

And it still hasn’t happed

But I’m still young I have time

But I still wonder when will I get to experience it

When will I get to feel that fluttering feeling in my stomach when I think about them

When will I be able to feel my face flush with red over the overwhelming feeling of seeing the one person who I truly care for

When will I be able to kiss and cuddle and hug and care for someone that wants to kiss and cuddle and hug and care for me too

When will I be able to feel all of these feeling I read about and so desperately want and long for

When will I be able to look I person in the eyes and say I love you too

When will I be able to tell the world I love one person and I want to marry them and be with them forever

I shouldn’t be surprised I’m single

I turn down all the people that like me

But I don’t even know how to like them back

How to feel what they do

Maybe I’m just being over dramatic

I’ve liked people

I think

Or did I just convince myself I liked them

I’m just the hopeless romantic right?

I’ll find “the one” right?

Everyone has some one right?

Or maybe Disney lied

Or maybe the romantic movies I watched with my mom were lying

Or maybe the books I read lied

Or maybe the shows I watched lied

Or did everyone just make a fucked up prank to convince me I like no one

Maybe I just didn’t find the right one

Maybe I didn’t like them enough

Maybe I just haven’t found the one

Maybe….

Maybe

Why can’t I just feel something… for someone, anyone

Hey… I won’t have to feel the pain of breaking up right

I won’t have to be told I wasn’t the right one

I won’t have to be told I wasn’t good enough

I won’t have to be told I should’ve been better

But….

I want the love and and heartbreak

I want the kisses and arguments

I want the cuddles and sadness

I want the care and pain

I want the hugs and heartache

I want something that isn’t just emptiness…

[rayne-ray]

“It’s funny because it’s true” I relate to her way to much

[rayne-ray]

I’m here

I’m a breathing human being with struggles

I’m not your punching bag

[rayne-ray]

I’m here

I’m not someone to be ignored and discarded

[rayne-ray]

Everyone needs something to believe in.

[rayne-ray]

A thousand friends, zero best friends

[rayne-ray]

I’m tired of existing, not in the sense I don’t wanna be here but in the sense that I can’t exist without being a target

[rayne-ray]

“Listen to your own voice”

[rayne-ray]

Overthinking on the clouds…

[rayne-ray]

the heartstopper cast dancing with pride flags and flipping off homophobes is my new favorite thing. ever.

[rayne-ray]

Sometimes, twitter is funny

[rayne-ray]

This is sad but happy

I mean, that’s nothing like what we’re doing. You’re nothing like him. This is completely different.

[rayne-ray]

I don’t know if they’re actually in boyscouts or not but the fact that they are even even wearing a class A makes me happy. Someone from one of my favorite shows is wearing it.

[rayne-ray]

Charlie: Wow, I feel so happy right now

Charlie: ...

Charlie, narrowing his eyes: Something’s wrong

[rayne-ray]

I didn’t want to be told this

Reminder no matter how many times you rewatch Hearstopper, you will still feel the void afterwards.

[rayne-ray]

*sip*

The stages of sipping be like:

+ Nick because he’s a wholesome bean <3

++ The teachersss