raymond-rs

[raymond-rs]

I don’t know why I felt the need to write this on this blog… yes I do, who am I kidding?

I’ve been envisioning this post in my head for a month now. I know why I want to put it here.

I miss my family. This is the first hardship I’ve had to go through where I couldn’t lean on Leigh. Ei always knew what to say… I tried talking to my husband about it but it doesn’t help.

We had to leave. It was for our own safety. I should not have let it go on as I did. It is never acceptable for an adult to find a child romantically and sexually attractive. They spent years grooming and isolating us, and that is precisely WHY I feel this pain. It was intentional. A mechanism to prevent us from leaving as we were want to do several times. We always convinced ourselves we were overreacting and no one else would love us anyway — that this was the best chance we had.

I’m one of the last of us left that still longs for them. Kyron does as well, but in a very different way. He told me his life was over and I haven’t seen him since. His brother and father attempted to help him but it was no use. I did read his tumblr post on our new system blog which gave me insight towards how he was thinking, feeling, and planning to act. I also know that he was prevented from action, but he resents his family for doing so.

I failed in my duty as a protector. I knew for years that it was unsafe. I put my own wants before the needs of my system. I finally felt loved. Happy. Important. But that doesn’t matter. That doesn’t outweigh the fact that I allowed grooming to continue. And that’s what it was, whether they acknowledge it or not. I doubt they ever will.

The others moved on fairly quickly. Met new people. Had a short “rebound” relationship that turned out to be toxic as well.

But I didn’t. I’m still stuck here. Missing my child who in actuality was older than I.

I hate it here. I have no one. The others are struggling with it too. The new host has spent countless nights crying because she realizes that no one cares. We have nothing. I can tell we’ve relapsed as well but I’m too depressed in my own right to do anything about it, which again makes me a failure of a protector and caretaker.

I’m supposed to be the one making everyone else feel better, not the one too depressed to even get out of bed…

I have nothing to live for.

I did what was best for us as a whole but it’s killing me. I don’t know if I can survive this. I don’t know if it’s even worth surviving. Clearly I’m not needed. I can’t even do my job. I have nothing. I am nothing.

[raymond-rs]

@scialytic-system

Passing skill checks with bad rolls is hilarious.

[raymond-rs]

@scialytic-system

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Honey I love you 🥺

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Wait this is funny

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Yes, I have quite a lot of swag. Thank you!

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Fave science meme. I can’t remember where I got it from but it made me laugh again today so resharing.

[raymond-rs]

fantasy characters: “Geez”

me: who the fuck spread Christianity there

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Edit: Wow, I seriously expected to get maybe a couple of likes on this stuff that floats around in my head on a daily basis. Especially if I'm having trouble sleeping. Not several hundred. 😅

[raymond-rs]

Literally nothing warms my cold dead heart like hearing a baby-voiced toddler casually dropping the word “Therizinosaurus”

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Hello everyone, I am gay

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The existence of mosquitos suggests that there are also churchitos and synagogitos.

[raymond-rs]

So that’s basically how it went down

[raymond-rs]

[raymond-rs]

Hi there!

Here’s another Allosaurus Sketch