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so I was rewatching some clips of fantasy high S2, and I got to the iconic "it's gorgug, keep going" scene, and I'd like to focus instead on the part just before he says that. it's that intensely claustrophobic scene where gorgug drags himself through an underground tunnel of roots and dirt and skittering bugs.

maybe I'm overthinking it, but there's something here about gorgug seeing a space that's not made for him, that's too small and makes him uncomfortable, and instead of changing that space (there's a moment where Zac says gorgug briefly thinks about cutting down the trees, but decides against it) to make it more comfortable for him, he instead forces himself through it to his own detriment. kind of like how through his life, he has been moving through all these spaces that were not made for him and do not suit him and he has never asked to be accommodated for fear of being inconvenient, and instead quietly forces himself through the discomfort.

i think this is why being an artificer works so well for him. in conjuction with gaining his confidence, he is also choosing to pursue a path where builds and invents and changes the world to accommodate, because he deserves to be accomodated, rather than suffering in silence. this is why I was so insistent while s3 was coming out that porter was being an asshole not encouraging gorgug's foray into multiclassing into artificer. gorgug wasn't stubbornly making things harder for himself, him choosing to be an artificer was his way of making things better for himself, accommodating himself. being an artificer means inventing things, altering the world, and for gorgug, that meant altering this to suit himself, rather than trying to force himself into a space that didn't fit him.

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today’s the day

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I am admittedly behind on all podcasts for a number of reasons and that's unlikely to change though I plan on doing a bit of a binge this weekend, but I'm talking about Actual Play crit and journalism in the group chat and it never ceases to be wild to me that NADDPod has a solid following and fandom but is virtually unremarked upon in like, AP journalism or discussion despite being I think one of the most consistent shows in terms of quality. And, if I'm being really honest it's because Murph isn't showy and can't do accents well and is an adequate but not brilliant actor, but the thing is, he's one of the strongest writers among AP DMs and that's really undervalued. (Emily is also, while not usually the DM, also a good writer and that's also not something that comes up.)

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Sometimes I think about Jawbone and Tracker, werewolf uncle and niece, who weren't doing so hot in their life when we met them (especially Jawbone, but hey Tracker was a teenager in a seedy club at night with said not-doing-great uncle, so maybe not a very stable life either). I think about how both their names sound like they're new identities they gave themselves after contracting lycanthropy rather than their birth names. (Again, I don't think we know if they weren't just born into a family of werewolves, but the whole vibe really is giving me "got turned, then estranged from family and former friends, life falling apart, changed names to reflect that + maybe it's nicknames they got living and working in the poorer/shadier parts of Elmville.)

I think about how they're the only family each other have when we meet them. We don't even know if they're blood family or if Jawbone just adopted this little werewolf girl like he would adopt a bunch of other teens later on. Or if her parents just rejected them both, left them to fend for themselves.

I love the father figure and counsellor role Jawbone has with the Bad Kids, but sometimes I think about how that kind of deprived Tracker of having him be that for her, at times. How him counseling Kristen interfered in their relationship. How she found her purpose in getting Galicaea back to her more primal form and renewing her church, found a path for herself and decided to go on this voyage by herself (+ Ragh, bless him). It probably made it easier to leave that he was doing so much better, in a big house with a stable job, sober and surrounded by a loving chosen family. It can't have been easy knowing that while she left he was being a parent to her ex, and less so to Tracker (but then again, maybe she found solace (ha!) in the idea that the two people she loved most would take care of each other while she was gone).

Anyway all this to say, I often think of the backstory we didn't fully get, of this addict werewolf who was struggling to keep work and get his life back together but also caring for his also-a-werewolf teenage niece the whole time. Taking her to underground clubs she's too young to be in but also keeping her fed and clothed and housed, and taking care of her. Them going to punk concerts together and learning to live as werewolves together and being family to each other and finding ways to make a new life together. I really love them and I'd love to hear more about them from Brennan one day.

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omg i am watching tuc 2's adventuring party (dog singing and flesh papa) and they are talking about private wojteck, the bear who served in the polish army in ww2 as a crazy fun fact and i'm sitting here like woah! that is the unit my great grandfather was in!

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Thinking about how Adaine doing the whole "party wizard" bit is really similar to how Aelwyn handled stress in high school

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one of the underrated perks about being obsessed with media is the motivation it gives me. do i want to be studying for my law school finals? absolutely not. but sklonda gukgak would study hard for her's because work is an act of love and i want to be like her

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Tracker O'Shaughnessey Fic Recs

she is my favorite npc so, here is a little list of some my favorite fics about our favorite girl

let the heavens falter by allapplesfall

you always come back to her by @storytellervan

let the wolves sing by macaronidoodles

sonoran sunset by @pricemarshfield

The Complicated Woman Podcast: Tracker O’Shaugnessey by @pricemarshfield

letters home by @pricemarshfield

take the time it takes by @ditzydiitsi

Teach to Learn, Learn to Teach by @9r7g5h

all my love to these lovely writers <333

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there is a light that never goes out is so kristen and gorgug, actually

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two sides of the table

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The Doctor Dolittle Incident, one of the funniest fucking things in all Dimension 20 herstory.

My commissions are open!

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too few classes vs too many classes

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A Seed Guy and a War Guy for commission.

Thinking about that first sweet young Liam being the one who goes around saying stuff like "I wanna slam you down big style" is very funny to me

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kristen applebees (i just finished season one) (its epic)

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Hunt for the Night Yorb!

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oh my god Ricky look out RICKY look out he has pink eye