rakastatko

[rakastatko]

trapped in here, you say

older than our oceans

from time inconceivable

set in stone, stolen freedom

pressure bound ancient water

your opal has nothing more

than what the earth holds

all just ancient water

oceans aged, laid in soil

trapped in here by pressure

[rakastatko]

carpet beetle

every textile i own is enclosed in plastic

a deed more frustrating that i expected

as i lay here, my back on the metal headboard

i can feel my heartbeat through my skull

my roommate, who i don't know, is making a rattle, most likely eating a sandwich, or something of the sort

i want to get to know him, a little

i wonder if he fears me, i wonder if he is confused by my actions

confused by the plastic

why hasn't he asked me? why has he chosen to live life as if our balcony isn't filled with it? as if he doesn't see me carry these bags down and as if he doesn't have a suspicion.

i wish it could be something more exciting, but eventually he'll see something, smell the bugspray, and he'll guess

connect the dots, come to the conclusion that i am an infestation

what he doesn't know is i'm already creeping in, and he's alone now

i slowly take over, i appear in the cabinets, i leave voids on that balcony, on the kitchen table.

soon i'm in the floor, perhaps mark the walls.

i am the beetle, munching on the fabric of life, leaving it holy

whether he likes it or not, i'm here to stay

and as long as he's too nervous to ask, i'll make this my home

[rakastatko]

The Emperor

the perception of the self is intertwined

with the lens we place on mere existence

we trust that everything must be outlined

stay void of logic with defying persistence

lately that thread seems tighter and tighter

it gently chokes, yet frails, gets lighter

i spurt these words and they run, they run

flow down roads here they come,they come

they last six lines mix signals it's an issue

scar tissue on my crotch cause i got bigger

in weird places, weird stasis and a stillness

human life is not an illness

we can not be stagnant in our stance

worthless ways, willfull ignorance

standing on the street in our underpants

a fool for a king, rules with a lance

prance, as we grasp at your feet

attempts to reform are obsolete

endless cycles are not perfection

i look into the devil and i see a reflection

eyes glassed over and teeth like knives

everybody here wears a disguise

that's as it's been and so it shall go

if we all should be one who gets to say so

i wear a mask for myself sometimes

i trace myself back to those crimes

and the crimes to what they actually mean

why are they sinful, what makes them obscene

there are freaks in the world that look like you

something can't be provocation and be true

and everyday I turn to my mirror and stare

I say "don't go outside in your underwear."

[rakastatko]

he kirjoittavat huonoja runoja

rumia janoja, janoisia puroja

jotka johtavat jäisiin järviin

turruttava tahto tunnustaa

työntää tieltä tungettelijat

käsien välistä välähtäen

muureilta musteella murheet

pieninä pisaroina paperille

sanotuksi saadakseen

he kirjoittavat huonoja runoja

[rakastatko]

määrä ja tietoisuus

nauha jatkaa ja vie

hamuaa hampaiden väliä

ääniä kaipaa, kuuntelee

minä mietin kasvojani

jotka kuluneet, kankeat

ei alta naamioni

ole nähneet auringonvaloa

yli vuosikymmeneen

pudota, hajota, kumoa

kokoa, pimeässä upota

kolme kaksi sanaa

sun silmissä paistaa

katulamppu ja välinpitämättömyys

minun sanani liukuu ohi

minun nimeni puuttuu listasta

unohtua on kuin kuolemaa

[rakastatko]

vuori kuolee

turrat pohjat kiveä

joista veri virrannut

matkannut muualle

elinten häkkiin

suuri sininen vuori

jonka ahtaat käytävät

umpikujiin johtaa

kohtaa pelkonsa

loppuun polttaa uskonsa

luuloharhoissa lastatut laivat

huipulta valheita kuljettaa

ja naivit jäänteet, jäiset rinteet

niitä parhaansa mukaan noudattaa

noutaja saapuu, työläiset toteavat

goliath, tornien tuhoaja

omaan itkuunsa tukehtui

[rakastatko]

kuvateksti

se puhuu liikaa

ei tajuu rajojaan

illat miettii eilisiä menojaan

kolme kertaa kysyyy

ei usko vaik sille hokee

ilman silmälasei sokee

sydän ja kolme tikkiä

ilmas haistaa rikkiä

[rakastatko]

kalja

hapettuneet pullonpohjalliset

lasikaulassa pyörimässä on

viisi pisaraa tummaa sylkeä

tyhjän korin takana istuva

synkän vihertävä sisällötön

juotu juoma joutuu jäämään nyt pois

[rakastatko]

how long does it take for me to loose hope?

exactly two hundred and forty minutes

i repeat extended deadlines to myself

listening to nothing but static of bland entertainment

my uncontrollable hands keep shoving in my eyes

those eyes are now heavy, just as they were yesterday

they’ll be that tomorrow

or today if you think so

more so though, what i’d like to point out is the way i always believe myself

when i say “this night”

this night will be different

[rakastatko]

Winter Tale

One little night, under the sky of gloom,

I sat in my house, in the empty, pale room.

"How cold it is, I must say”, I said, to myself,

“It must be almost winter”, just when the clock hit twelve.

Suddenly in came a man, so slick and very slender.

Called himself Death and said “Won’t you surrender.”

This puzzled me, for he didn’t seem like death in the slightest,

The thin man now stared at me, but his words were lot to digest.

He said “I’m here to take you”, told he didn’t want to wait.

But after staring for a while, he asked “Aren’t you afraid?”

I was confused, that’s all, didn’t have time to fear,

It’s fairly hard to think, when a stranger fills the atmosphere.

Finally I said to him “ I think that I’m unready”,

with my brains screeching and my eyes oddly steady.

He said “My lady, so delightful, that is fine by me,

I’ll wait another year for you and then the time will be.”

So he left, to the night, with this mark of return,

next year it got too cold.

[rakastatko]

unprocessed

i never understate you never understand when i would take a stand you broke me down cuffed up my hands a self made martyr called yourself a nuthead your love is shallow like your heart and not stable just like your apartment you are a friend to many enemy to many more my love is tough my love is real my love is here under the core i know i wasn't kind and i know i won't forgive you i suppose you don't know how hard that was to get to i tried to breathe i tried to speak tried to get back in my business i never felt enough my love was rough around the edges i can not fix people and after all you're human you're selfish, broken, fucked up what else defines a person i was scarred i was scared because i gave you power i built you up i gave you stuff i made my frankenstein monster my heart is heavy and my hands are full of guilt was it right to do what i did just to break down what we built in some way i know that it was hard for you to trust me i guess it's hard for me to trust you too i'm still so rusty you took away naive stepped on innocent always so akward never knowing what they really meant i was a kid and you really did give me something you gave me baggage, tied up with courage the delusion to say i'm the baddest bitch in this building that delusion ate you up there's no bottom to that cup your reputation is drugs and fake love i know that i'm just me and i know that ain't too much but i will not stay silent as long as you don't either and my word against yours for once an easy battle and you still out there running round saying you own this city but everyone who spends time with you seems to be there cause of pity all those people that you hurt may still come back i know you waiting for me to say what i did was whack i will never apologize and i will never be back i gave you a lot that i don't have now see that's fact you heard of that shit? speaking the truth? can't blame you though i know i know it's your own skit you see this shit different that's truly your right but as i told i am tired i refuse to fight you said people like me can't write shit cause they ain't been abused i suppose that means i can write shit now thanks to you

[rakastatko]

I WANT TO SAY SOMETHING

i misspoke missprovoked i’m always taken for granted i’m a token a blessed child for a nation where humans more human than ever take their pain and make it public i’m a hidden figure of depression i take my anger deep inside and i hide it underneath my pride tolerate your dissapointment i don’t talk back i know my place a puzzle piece of forbidden rage you take my words my nouns my adjectives twist them into evil objectives selfish and unkind, unhumane i’m as human as anybody always masking my pain i’m writing this alone in a bathroom at night words about hurting and feeling like i don’t deserve to state or that i’m lying i’m not dying, fuck it not even crying but i keep on my road even if i sit down even if that road seems to be a hill that leads to a mountain i’m guilty as charged the hurting i have caused that was all me but you don’t know anything about how i feel about you or about anybody because i never tell you unlike me you can’t control yourself that’s why i admire you your pain is real your pain is unshakeable i’m still unbreakable you think that i’m unable to love just because i couldn’t help you and because i’ll never be responsible for your bullshit i’d never hit you, i’d never hate you i hate myself and i hate that you think that i would i’m innocent until proven otherwise guilty if my truth gets criminalized and you’ll never read this you never will i’d say your name but there’s too many of you just hope you hear what i do

[rakastatko]

Aikaisen Aamun Henkäys

nukkeni nukkeni yöllä linja-autossa takana istumassa punaisena ritarina korvissani lepäät pellolla kaukana mutta nyt lausut totta takanani

[rakastatko]

pahoinpitelystä selvittyäni

kun ei tarkenna silmiä katsoo kaiken ohi

väkinäisen hymyn ja pakkotervehdyksen

ilman pakoreittejä luotujen hetkien

sen kaiken taa

siellä istun hymyillen

surullisin elein totean melodramaattisesti

kun en tarkenna silmiä

kaikkein kivuliainta hiljaisuus

keksin itse sata sanaa

hiljaiset epämukavat viipyvät

teistä jokainen läpi odottaa

mä meen kotiin

[rakastatko]

kameleontti 1

tahditon yliastunta, tai kenties päälle, kuin olisin ilmaa.

kameleontti joka tahtomattaan taustaan sulautuu, eikä enää osaa näkyvissä olla.

toisaalta olen se rikkinäinen joka neonvihreänä hohtaa ja te päätätte kääntää pään.

päällisin puolin ollaan hyvin hyviä ystäviä, hyviä aikeita turhan pitkään.

minä itse rättinä nurkassa lojumassa teidän runkkurinkiä katsomassa väsyneenä yläpunkassa, eikä mitään ikinä tapahdu.

tapahtuikohan koskaan?

[rakastatko]

ontto

margo channing

sehän se minä olen se

katoava kuihtuva mätänevä kurpitsa

lattia allani lahoaa ja pettää

kahden adjektiivin

karski komea kanssakäynti

katkera ja ylpeä ylpeä siitä

keneksi olen itse itseni rakentanut

kaikki tietää kaiken sinusta

laiskoja loukkauksia ryöppyää suustani

pakenen maaseudulle

minusta on tullut kuori

kuori siitä mikä oli kerran faberche (sp?)

vieläkin sama mutta mysteeri kadonnut

sillä sisällä kolo on nyt kaikille näytillä

näyteikkunassa, lasivitriinissä

kirjoitan taas uudet typerät metaforat

[rakastatko]

perjantai

no mitä vittua se sit tarkottaa et kun saan kaiken vihdoin vastoin tahtoa kerrankin osumaan sitten kaikki muut hajottaa omat portaansa ei tule tai mene kuolee kuihtuu suree surkea paska tilanne eikä edes minun syytäni kerrankin osui omaan nilkkaan