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If you’re an introvert, follow us @introvertunites. 

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nothing more attractive than a man who teaches you things without making you feel like you’re dumb for not knowing it already

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think about all the cute people you’ve seriously crushed on in class or the times you’ve looked at a stranger and realized how beautiful they looked in that moment, flecks of gold light hitting the tips of their eyelashes, deep in thought, rosy-cheeked and unknowingly captivating

now think about how many times that’s likely happened to you but no one voiced it. just like you have secretly admired others, others have admired you. someone has been silently overwhelmed with the uniqueness of your features or the smoothness of your voice. even though you might not always be told how beautiful you are, remember this. and maybe even tell someone the next fleeting compliment you have, because people aren’t reminded often enough just how beautiful they are

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Have a great week!

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Let me tell you something, friends. It took me 26 years to figure out my sexuality, and part of that reason was because of a lack of information about asexuality. I had never heard the term until I was 25, and didn’t fully understand it until I found several blogs on here explaining asexuality, and even then it didn’t click for me. I had known since I was in middle school that I was attracted to more than one gender, but until I read about asexuality, I didn’t know that there were different types of attraction. I just assumed the attraction I felt for people was what everyone else felt. I didn’t realize that what I was feeling was romantic attraction, and that I didn’t experience sexual attraction. It actually still kind of blows my mind that people do. I’m kind of like “What do you mean you just see a person and want to have sex with them? What about getting to know them first?” Sex is so far removed from my mind when it comes to people that it is practically a nonthought. But I didn’t realize that it wasn’t this way for everyone until I was 26 and a friend was talking to me about her sex life (a conversation that stemmed from her seeing an attractive guy at the casino we were at) and it suddenly occurred to me that I didn’t want to hear about it. At all. It made me feel really uncomfortable hearing her talk this way. And I couldn’t figure out why. Everyone else seemed to have no problem imagining and wanting and talking about sex with theoretical people and I was just completely put off by it all. This realization sparked a period of soul-searching and questioning and feeling weird and broken that lasted for months. I all but withdrew from my social circle and stopped talking to my friends and family because I didn’t know what was going on with me and I was scared, and anxious, and depressed. During that time I reached out to several asexual bloggers and read numerous articles about sex repulsion and asexuality and it all ended with me sitting down and thinking hard about all of my past relationships. It occurred to me that I had never experienced sexual attraction to any of my partners. (Well, there was maybe that one time but I’m not sure of the circumstances surrounding it, so I’m not sure it counts. It’s still kind of confusing.) And then I realized I was probably asexual, and suddenly a lot of things from my past made sense. And suddenly I wasn’t alone. There were other people like me, who I could reach out and talk to! I didn’t feel weird or broken or like something was wrong with me anymore and it was such a relief. I came out to my friends to mixed reactions and a lot of confusion and questions that I was now able to answer.

That process; the questioning, the soul-searching, the reaching out, the finding a community, and the relief of knowing that there was nothing wrong with me was nearly IDENTICAL to what I went through in middle school when I realized I liked girls as well as boys and first discovered that bisexuality was a thing.

Now I can fairly confidently say that I am a panromantic asexual. And that even if that label isn’t 100% accurate, at least I have a better understanding of my sexuality now than I did 4 years ago. And that is a result of having access to resources that talk about the difference between romantic and sexual attraction, and gender, and sexual identity.

If someone doesn’t have access to resources that talk about these things, they may spend a lot longer than I did feeling like they are wrong, or broken, or something is not right with them. And they will be scared, and anxious, and depressed. And they may hate themselves, and cut themselves off from friends and family. And they may never figure out that nothing is wrong with them and that they are not alone. They may never find their group or community without the right resources and support.

Not experiencing sexual attraction is confusing, and takes a long time to figure out, and that time can be really hard for someone to face on their own.

This is why asexuals belong in the LGBTQIA+ community. Yes, ALL of them. Even the ones who are hetero-romantic. I don’t want a lack of resources or information to make anyone feel like they are broken, or wrong, and to make them hate themselves. Because isn’t that the community is about? Love, support, acceptance, and education?

Tldr: Finding out you’re not sexually and/or romantically attracted to any gender is just as confusing as finding out you’re attracted to the same or multiple genders. Aromantics and asexuals belong in the LGBTQIA+ community. Period. End of story. Block/unfollow if you disagree.

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Pros of dating an ace:

1. You’ll never have to worry that we’re “just in it for the sex.” 2. We’re fucking adorable. 3. I mean really, nobody is more adorable than us. 4. We’re so lovable. 5. We’ll love you even if you aren’t “sexy.” 6. WHAT DOES “SEXY” EVEN MEAN?! 7. When you talk to your friends about us, you can say “Yeah, my bf/gf is a total ace,” and people will think that you’re dating someone absolutely flawless (well I mean they wouldn’t be wrong). 8. Did I mention how adorable we are? 9. We won’t judge you based on your body. At all. 10. Nobody is better than an ace.

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Yo, so I am asexual biromantic. I try to explain this to people and all I get are “you’ll feel it when meet the right person” and usually some illusion to “and it will be a guy”. That’s when I know that that person is not the right person for me. I have a boyfriend now who is *perfect* when it comes to things like this. We are super cute and cuddly, but we have been together for a while and we haven’t so much as kissed on the lips. But there are other ways to be intimate, even physically. He loves it when I kiss his neck and that’s something that I am comfortable with. I love it when he kisses my collarbone. That’s the most physical that we have gotten and it works for the both of us, even though he is hetcis. He respects all of my boundaries and I feel loved with him. I never feel broken or wrong when I am with him. It’s hard for me to feel romantic, but with him I do. It is possible to find a cute and romantic relationship and be asexual. You just have to hold out for the right person.

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You know how you pull the smartphone out of your pocket to check the time? We’re really going back to the era of pocket watches

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Tea, Coffee & Flowers

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Wait is this a real thing?? THIS IS SO CUTE. *squish*

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Cute Date Ideas

bake

cuddles

read

cuddles

board games

cuddles

picnic

cuddles

no sex

just cute things please

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blue sargent + plants

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Day 26: Just one word: Never-ending

Rick Riordan’s world seems to be never-ending and I’m okay with that!! 👌

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Some Thoughts

So, I’ve kind of given up on thinking that I’ll ever actually be with anyone. I mean, it would be nice, but like, I kind of don’t care about chasing after people anymore? 

Culture is geared toward this notion that sex is the be-all-end-all. I never understood that. I always thought hand-holding was pretty intimate, and I never pictured myself having sex. Ever. People always say that I’ll change my mind and that I will be more open to it when I’m older, as if something was wrong with me not wanting or being repulsed by the idea of sex. 

Anytime I think about getting into a relationship, or even trying to be with someone, I think about how they might only want that out of me, and I completely back away from it and shut myself off. 

I take pleasure in intelligent conversations. I hate wasting my time in small-talk or awkward conversation. I like to bounce off of other people. That type of relationship is something I search for. Just being able to talk to another human without being drained. I feel this way with my friends, but again, they are friends and I enjoy their company dearly. 

People try to make me feel broken, and as early as sixth grade, my peers made fun of me because I didn’t show interest in relationships. In eighth grade, I met this boy that I liked. I enjoyed talking to him, and I bounced off of him well. We could talk forever and I wouldn’t get bored. We debated books, we did classwork together, we did music together, and we hung out together. We never dated. We were just friends, and I was content with that, but everyone else around me pushed me into being a certain way when I really just enjoyed his company. 

I certainly yearn to hold hands, to hug, maybe even kiss someone and call them my significant other. That I’ve never questioned. I want to be able to share myself with someone, but not in a sexual way. I’ve never been sexually attracted to others. I’ve been intellectually attracted. Bright and encouraging personalities are attractive to me. And I enjoy such conversation, whether it be from guys or girls. 

I like being able to finally identify myself. I hated being told I was broken or that I was not old enough to understand. I am certainly old enough now to say that yes, I am on the asexual spectrum. And yes, it exists. And no, I’m not straight, nor is straight passing a fucking thing. 

Sex is not required for love. And loving someone does not mean sex. 

I’m still just as clueless as ever, testing the waters even more, but to my fellow aces, if you need to talk, I’m here to listen.

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Morning Reflections

It’s June! Why months go by so fast, I have no idea. I do love the fact that there is more sun! Sunshine is just another little thing that brings a smile to my face. Allergies, not so much, but I love the sun, the flowers, and the switch to iced coffee that welcome Summer. Summer just feels like a time of enjoyment, of abandon, of new beginnings. It brings all of this life and beauty that was missing for far too long. 

To me, Summer means friends, freedom, and new things. It means random plans, time to think, and facing fears. For me, it is such a wonderful time. The only downside is, perhaps, birthday cake nearly every week. It’s only slightly too much buttercream frosting and chocolate. 

In any case, I’ll stop my rambling and go enjoy a little bit of that freedom, soaking in the sun and sounds of nature.