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[radian-c]

[radian-c]

Thank you life for the reality checks that I worked so hard to cash in

Bless my messes because I can still clean up any of my self-inflicted curses.

I dedicate love to all of my weaknesses because my strength came from me hating them.

Pain is my teacher to make me a student of what it's like to be strong.

I throw all of my pennies into the fountain of my tears and make wishes that one day they'll be joyful.

I give sorrow a hug like it is my closest friend because happiness was found in our friendship.

Solitude is my place of peace because there is always more chaos in my mind than the world.

Through that mixture of all of my chaotic colors it becomes the shade of paint that I needed for my life's portrait.

I wear my heart on my sleeve in hopes that one day someone will want to share my jacket.

I hold honesty close like an umbrella in the rain so I avoid all of the lies that drop on my spirit.

My lips speak positively in hopes that one day my negative film will develop into a picture of my genuine smile.

[radian-c]

I am me

Wholeheartedly

Strange

Weird

A little aloof

But always wearing my huge heart on my sleeve

For once, I'm not ashamed

I couldn't tell you how to land a punch

But I can show you how to forgive and let things go easily

I've heard it all

I've been through much

No insult is new

And there's no new buttons for you to touch

I've exploded in spurts

I've let anger consume me

But in the end, I tell myself

I love too much, I won't lie to anyone

Because I'm really just lying to me

I think I've reached that pinnacle point

That took me years of toil and suffering

My life hasn't been easy at all

But for some reason, I still make my smile seem like it's done so effortlessly

Yet, it didn't come overnight

Nor did it come for free

I had to pay the hugest price

Which is to love unconditionally

My pride hates being wrong

My ego wants to be right

But when it's all said and done

At the end of the night

I just want someone who would do the same for me

[radian-c]

I remixed Prince 'cause why not?

[radian-c]

It's sometimes so difficult to achieve that perfect balance

Where self-love doesn't turn into conceited behavior

Where being open-minded doesn't turn into being easily mislead

Where setting boundaries doesn't turn into you being an asshole

Where showing love doesn't turn into manipulating others to get something in return

You can't show kindness and not seem like there's something up your sleeve

You can't show weakness and not seem like it doesn't mean you're not strong

You can't be vulnerable, transparent or honest

Because vulnerability= stupidity, being transparent= you're lying, being honest= you're disrespectful

You can't please anyone and even if you have no real desire to, people still expect to be pleased in their own personal way

If people aren't pleased, you're doing something wrong

If people aren't impressed, you're not trying hard enough

If people aren't saying good things about you, it's obvious that you're not a good person

And even if you're a bad person, who will ever admit to such a thing?

Aren't we all striving to find some sort of significance?

If not then what's the point?

Why bother?

The very idea of anything important is subjective

You might care about the status quo

I might care about character development

You might care about material things being expensive

I might care about having a spiritual life that is rich

But, who's right and who's wrong?

WHO CARES?

Why do we let our thoughts consume us to the point where it becomes a platform to start a never ending debate?

Are we that bored?

Is life really that dull?

I'm ranting

Or whining

I don't know

My mind is taking a shit

Okay, time to wipe

[radian-c]

[radian-c]

[radian-c]

I am sweet, caring, sensitive, empathetic, strive to be pure, but I am imperfect. I am brutal with my words sometimes.

They say, the truth hurts, but I am honest with myself as well. I talk to myself so critically, I am my own worst critic; only because I want to evolve into my greatest self.

I'm probably seen as cold and uncaring and cut with my words, but it's not my responsibility to shape your perception of me.

I can only do one thing: strive to be 100% real as well as I can.

Do I lie? Yes.

Do I strive not to? Yes.

Am I honest? Yes.

All of the time? No.

Little white lies hide in the black corners of my abandoned thoughts, but I clean house internally, so externally I'm a mess.

I can sit in my mind for hours because there's a whole galaxy in there, so sometimes I ignore the world around me, but I do care and I love deeply.

I love so deep that I purposely say shallow, sarcastic jokes. Why? To protect myself, to guard my vulnerability.

Life excites me, it's an adventure.

The motives of people is what breaks my heart and makes me cringe. I isolate myself because I value my peace. I'll never allow myself to be someone who purposely becomes a block for yours.

Are you exhausted already? I understand, but I cannot stop this philosophical curiosity. I dissect everything. I want to see every possible angle.

You may think you've cleaned the floors, but the cracks between them hold dust that is still unseen. It's all a puzzle, and I am constantly going back and forth between, "I give up" and "keep going."

I'm no chess master, but I'm also no sore loser. Life can teach me along the way.

This need to know, this need to understand, it's like ice cold water for my soul; knowledge and wisdom are like a waterfall where my spirit yearns to stand underneath.

So I can absorb it all, swimming in the fresh stream, that place where God holds mysteries and hidden truths, is where I long to be.