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rachelchapmantravels-blog · 9 years ago

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Why I'm Going

I don't want to be a cliche. The person that moves to LA from New York City and has to write something that explains why. I don't need to tell you why. People move for all sorts of reasons. Honestly, I hate explaining myself and you're just going to assume I'm doing it because I didn't get what I wanted in New York so I'm bitter and leaving. Most of the time when I was asked why I was leaving, I gave some answer like I love driving, I want to be able to go to Disneyland whenever I can or I want an apartment with a real closet. But one reason I never told anyone other than maybe a few close friends was that I'm moving because of my dad. I moved to New York in the Fall of 2008 because I was going to New York University to study at Tisch for film. I always assumed I would go to UCF or FSU in Florida and study film there, but when I got accepted to NYU there was no question, if my parents would allow it, I was going there. I loved NYU, but I quickly realized I was on the wrong coast. California was more me. I stuck it out in New York and had some amazing experiences. I even found a great community at UCB doing improv and sketch comedy, but I always knew I wanted to move out west. My junior year, my dad was diagnosed with colon cancer. I assumed they caught it early and were doing all they could immediately so I didn't think much of it. I admit my mother tries to protect me too much and so I don't get to hear every detail when it comes to my dad, so I was overly optimistic. It didn't start to hit me until I was told my dad couldn't come to my graduation because he was too sick. My best friend came in his place but it just wasn't the same. You want both your parents there. Everything I do I'm not only doing for myself, but ultimately it's to make my parents proud so not having my dad there really hurt. My Aunt Sharon was very sick my senior year of high school and didn't attend my graduation. I was upset and angered by this. She was able to attend my sister's graduation three years prior, but she wasn't sick then. She passed away two months after my graduation. I didn't want to be angry about my dad like I was with my Aunt, but you can't help it. I was upset. I assumed he was getting better and this was telling me he wasn't. I kept my optimism though and decided to stay in New York for a few years. I wanted to move out west but I figured I would stay on the East Cost slightly closer to my family in case something went wrong. I figured it wouldn't take that long. My dad would get better soon and then I could move. I told my friends I stayed for the improv community I was getting into. This was partially true but I knew I could develop a community out in LA too. I'm glad I stayed because the friends I made over the past few years have made me laugh so much and been there for me when they didn't know I was going through some of the hardest years of my life. Cut to today. I'm sitting at my friend Beca's place in Texas in the middle of my road trip out west. Rachel, are you finally doing it? You're moving to California? Did your dad finally get better? To those questions I answer Yes, Yes, and No. My dad isn't getting better. And to save myself from crying over my keyboard I'll just say this, as much as I hated being away these past four years, I'm glad I only got to hear statuses on how my dad was doing, because what I pictured in my head was my laughing, silly dad who on occasion went to Mayo in Jacksonville and felt a little sick afterwards. I figured he wasn't fully beating the cancer, but he was okay. In reality, my dad is not doing well at all. He's fought a long hard battle that would have killed most by now, so I'm proud of him for sticking it out this long, but I don't think he's going to make it. I won't say what everyone else is saying. They're putting a definitive he will not make it. I like to say "I don't think" because that has a slight optimism that he has a chance, but those chances are miracles. Monday, they started him on hospice care. People in hospice are given 6 months max, but his nurse said two weeks. He can no longer speak but a few words and they're mumbled if they are spoken. He's stuck in a bed and can't move on his own. You may be wondering why I left him if he's in this state. I didn't want to leave, but he wouldn't want me to stay. I'd just be staring at him lying there helpless, unable to say much. He'd be embarrassed because I know my dad. He's a prideful man that doesn't need help. He'd rather google an answer rather than ask someone. I'm the same way. He'd want me to go out and make the small amount of interviews I do have lined up, so I can get a job. He'd want me to be happy. And I think most of all, he'd want me to not remember him like this. The last time I really hung out with my dad, we were on an Alaskan Disney Cruise. He loves Disney Cruises probably more than me which is saying a lot. He wasn't doing too well then either but he was able to get around and do some things. I made "Bruce Chapman Is A Funny Funny Guy" sweaters with a picture of my dad on them for my sister and I to wear because he loves saying that and we thought it would be funny. We were at Tracy Arm looking at the glacier and Sarah and I were going to surprise our dad by showing him the sweaters but we needed to be together. I ran into my dad and told him I was looking for Sarah. He started looking with me and thankfully did not look at my sweater because I had forgotten for a second that his face was on it. I remembered and quickly had to grab one of the blankets they had lying around for the cold and covered myself so he didn't see. I pretended I was very cold and had to wrap myself up. We walked around the deck twice before we finally found her. We finally revealed the sweaters to him. He was embarrassed but laughed and ultimately loved them. We made sure we took tons of pictures. This was one of his last good days I remember. I think he wants me to remember that rather than the most recent one I have of my mom and I trying to lift him back in the bed after he had fallen out. My back still hurts from that and it's not a fond memory. So you see my dad wants me to go to California, and he is the reason I'm going. When I decided it was time, I had come to terms with my dad not getting better and the idea that no matter what you do you have an expiration date. It could be today, it could be tomorrow, it could be so far out in the future that you have all the time in the world. You never know. And giving each day an excuse to hold off on something is so stupid. You're just delaying your happiness. I know California is where I want to be right now and I was delaying it for my dad. But if cancer tells you anything, it tells you life is stupidly unpredictable and it's not going to wait for you to be ready so why are you waiting for it? I'm writing this because I needed to get it out there. I needed to tell someone. I've tried talking to friends about it. Some were great and wonderful. Some made it worse. Cancer is such a taboo subject that no one ever wants to talk about. It makes people uncomfortable but we've all dealt with it. I need to talk. It helps, so I'm writing this. If this is the last lesson my dad teaches me, it will be the greatest because it got me started on a new path in a time where I could be spiraling down. I love my dad. He is the best and no matter what happens I want everyone to know he's the smartest, strongest, most loving father a girl can have BUT Bruce Chapman is also a funny funny guy.

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rachelchapmantravels-blog · 9 years ago

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Did R Kelly really believe he could fly? Because that's crazy! #DrivingThoughts

— Rachel Chapman (@LadyTomHanks) September 3, 2015

#RachelsMove #Driving Thoughts

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rachelchapmantravels-blog · 9 years ago

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I've passed a lot of First Baptist Churches but which one was really first? #DrivingThoughts

— Rachel Chapman (@LadyTomHanks) September 3, 2015

#RachelsMove #Driving Thoughts

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rachelchapmantravels-blog · 9 years ago

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A scorpion showed up in my shower this morning. I guess he waited until I was at my most venerable. #WelcomeToTexas #RachelsMove

— Rachel Chapman (@LadyTomHanks) September 3, 2015

#RachelsMove

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rachelchapmantravels-blog · 9 years ago

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I bet you there's always strange things afoot at Circle K's. #DrivingThoughts

— Rachel Chapman (@LadyTomHanks) September 3, 2015

#RachelsMove #Driving Thoughts

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rachelchapmantravels-blog · 9 years ago

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We're supposed to have flying cars in October according to Back to the Future II. #DrivingThoughts

— Rachel Chapman (@LadyTomHanks) September 3, 2015

#RachelsMove #Driving Thoughts

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rachelchapmantravels-blog · 9 years ago

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I should start sending pictures of things I'm looking at when I miss my friends and then make them guess why that thing? #DrivingThoughts

— Rachel Chapman (@LadyTomHanks) September 3, 2015

#RachelsMove #Driving Thoughts

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rachelchapmantravels-blog · 9 years ago

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Excuse me, where’s your basement? I’ve lost my bike! #RachelsMove (at The Alamo)

#RachelsMove #Pee-Wee's Big Adventure #The Alamo

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rachelchapmantravels-blog · 9 years ago

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That’s a tough one. I’d have to say April 25th. Because it’s not too hot and not too cold. All you need is a light jacket. #MissCongeniality #RachelsMove (at San Antonio Riverwalk)

#RachelsMoves #Miss Congeniality

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rachelchapmantravels-blog · 9 years ago

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