raatri

[raatri]

I’m keeping this pussy on lockdown until I get a job, ain’t no dick getting through until I’m employed. This is my punishment.

[raatri]

Kaash mai apna

sar jaise hi

diwaar par maarti,

koi button dabta,

or mai sojati.

meri zindagi thodi

aasaan hojati.

[raatri]

Mai dusro ko gyaan deti rehti hu...

"arre zindagi ko itna complex kyu banana hai? hum paida hote hai, bade hote hai, budhe hote hai, fir marjaate hai. Bas yahi to hai zindagi"

aur mai khud ek chhoti si chhoti cheez choose karne me bhi overthink kar ke apni hi zindagi ka satyanash kar leti hu.

Matlab dusro ke liye Osho, aur khud ke liye kalesho!

[raatri]

When people hear my thoughts, they smile and say I seem so sane, so put together.. like I have it all figured out.

If only they knew.

If only they could hear the monster in my head, the one that claws at my throat, begging to scream until my voice shatters. The one that wants to rip down the curtains, smash every fragile thing in sight, and howl until my body gives out.

But the monster is afraid. Afraid of being seen, of being heard, of proving that I am not the person they think I am. That I am not sane. Not sorted. Just… hiding.

[raatri]

Dating apps aren't my thing, but occasional boredom literally forces me to make an account. But I fucking deleted it today after using it for 3 days. I don't know, man, why the fuck did they make something like dating apps? Most men are absolutely crazy on there. All they do is show their fucking abs, think of themselves as a Greek god, or say the cheesiest things to start a sexual conversation. But I'm done

Stand-up comedian made it into my contacts and, oh, the vibe is ALREADY dying. I’m out. Done. Fuck it. I’m tired of trying to figure out this mess.

I downloaded hinge and matched with a standup comedian. Is he going to make my life a joke?

[raatri]

I downloaded hinge and matched with a standup comedian. Is he going to make my life a joke?

[raatri]

I HAVE A PROBLEM, OKAY?! I can't even describe it properly, but I’m stuck in this loop where I hyperfixate on something like it’s my whole world, then.. BAM! I’m scattered in a million directions, losing interest in everything and never sticking to anything for long, like my brain’s in constant overdrive and I can't fucking stop it! I used Tumblr a year ago, posting all my thoughts like crazy and then boom, deleted it because I got OVERWHELMED. Then I went to Twitter, was on fire, posting everything there..got a nice list of followers, felt all proud..and then DELETED IT. In TWO MONTHS. Then I went to Reddit... same story, deleted in THREE months. A few days ago, I’m like, I’m going off WhatsApp for a while, and now my friends are emailing me, asking if I’m ever coming back to WhatsApp. Like, WTF, man?! This is how I am IRL, never staying in one place, constantly moving. And now I’m doing the same damn thing online. Seriously, what the fuck?! Maybe I should just go to the stone age, turn off everything, and just live in a cave. Fuck!

[raatri]

Ah, thank you, neighborhood gyanchod, for your enlightening discourse on the Kama Sutra..truly a revelation. However, I am already familiar with Vatsyayana's emphasis on the 64 kalas, including Gandha-Yukti (the art of perfumes), Chitra-Karma (painting), and Vakya-Chaturi (witty conversation). Seema Anand is indeed an excellent source, but perhaps next time you could recommend something a little less... entry-level? I've seen her YouTube videos, especially the one where she talks about the art of seduction. Truly commendable.

The government should establish professional prostitution centers, mandate Kama Sutra in college curricula to teach women seduction techniques, and create dedicated spaces for roast battles. Also, universities should offer courses in insult comedy and dank meme culture for men.

Since it is the primary income source for many people today.

[raatri]

Wishes

I’ve lived a long life without you, and after waiting this long, I believe I deserve to have some wishes. I don’t know when I’ll meet you, or if I will at all, but I am happy on my own. Still, maybe I’d be even happier with you. I’m writing this today... so I won’t forget when I finally meet you.

I want you to understand all the pains your mother carries, the ones she may never have shared with your father, just as I understand the ones my own mother carries.

I want you to become your father’s closest friend, just as I strive to be of mine.

I want you to show my parents the same respect you give yours.

I want you to love my siblings as much as you love yours.

I want you to love me most of all, but I don’t ever want to have to ask, remind, or even say that I need your love.

I want you to respect me even more than you love me.

And I want the wishes I hold for you to be mirrored by the ones you have for me, and I’ll do everything I can to make them come true.

[raatri]

The government should establish professional prostitution centers, mandate Kama Sutra in college curricula to teach women seduction techniques, and create dedicated spaces for roast battles. Also, universities should offer courses in insult comedy and dank meme culture for men.

Since it is the primary income source for many people today.

[raatri]

It’s the biggest ego boost and the weirdest mindfuck when all the guy friends you genuinely respect like the smart, intellectual ones you actually think highly of...suddenly confess their feelings for you. Like damn, I thought we were just discussing life and philosophy, but nah, turns out they’ve been down bad this whole time. Beauty really gives and takes...feeds my narcissism while simultaneously ruining my friendships. What a scam!

[raatri]

Sharing my thoughts online feels like exposing my soul to the public. Ugh I hate the constant tension between revealing myself and preserving my privacy.

[raatri]

I AM SUCH AN ASSHOLE. Life's got me by the throat, I'm busy as hell, my friends are great but they can't be around 24/7 and then nighttime hits and my brain just short-circuits from boredom. And I get that dumbass itch to download Bumble or Tinder, not even because I want anything, but just to TALK. But I don’t want to like anyone. I don’t want to find someone actually cool. I don’t want to end up in a whole thing. I just wanna fill the void for like, five minutes and then go back to my regularly scheduled chaos.

But NO. That’s not how it works. Because I’m an IDIOT. I get all hyped up, start chatting, share my number like a dumbass, and then BAM! Three days later, the ✨boredom✨ kicks in. And then they start trying to talk to me, sending me good morning texts and I start wanting to crawl out of my skin. And I don’t wanna ghost them because I know it’s shitty, so I force myself to reply, but it’s half-hearted and they know it. And then they’re sad. And then I’M sad. And then eventually they fade into the graveyard of my contacts, and I feel guilty, and I send a random “hey” after two weeks, and then guess what?? I’m STILL TOO UNINTERESTED TO TALK. And the cycle continues until my phone is basically a museum of men I briefly entertained before emotionally abandoning them.

I am a PROBLEM. A PLAGUE. I should not be allowed near a dating app ever again. Someone take my phone and throw it into the ocean.

[raatri]

A few minutes ago, I was all deep and poetic about love, and now I’m cringing hard. Honestly, I’m so damn happy being single, it’s ridiculous.

[raatri]

I don’t want love where we’re constantly healing each other. That kind of love is built on trauma and dependency. I want a love that stands on its own...where we’re both already healed and whole, but come together to create something even stronger.

[raatri]

I’m not really love-deprived, but when I listen to soft love songs, a sad poet emerges from the depths of my soul and writes masterpieces, just like this one.

I’m growing older without you. I don’t know who you are or where you are, but my heart feels like a home of yours more than it has been any of mine. Come find me before my youth, my spark, my love, my hope fade away.

[raatri]

I’m growing older without you. I don’t know who you are or where you are, but my heart feels like a home of yours more than it has been any of mine. Come find me before my youth, my spark, my love, my hope fade away.