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"…there is an idea of a Patrick Bateman, some kind of abstraction, but there is no real me, only an entity, something illusory, and though I can hide my cold gaze and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable: I simply am not there. It is hard for me to make sense on any given level. Myself is fabricated, an aberration. I am a noncontingent human being. My personality is sketchy and unformed, my heartlessness goes deep and is persistent. My conscience, my pity, my hopes disappeared a long time ago (probably at Harvard) if they ever did exist. There are no more barriers to cross. All I have in common with the uncontrollable and the insane, the vicious and the evil, all the mayhem I have caused and my utter indifference toward it, I have now surpassed. I still, though, hold on to one single bleak truth: no one is safe, nothing is redeemed. Yet I am blameless. Each model of human behavior must be assumed to have some validity. Is evil something you are? Or is it something you do? My pain is constant and sharp and I do not hope for a better world for anyone. In fact, I want my pain to be inflicted on others. I want no one to escape. But even after admitting this—and I have countless times, in just about every act I’ve committed—and coming face-to-face with these truths, there is no catharsis. I gain no deeper knowledge about myself, no new understanding can be extracted from my telling. There has been no reason for me to tell you any of this. This confession has meant nothing…."
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Seven Bad Words
(Thirteen if you’re a sailor)
Listen up, you kids better stop donkin' around! You're gonna mess up Goliad! It's my way or the highway, get it? I'm Don Juan Cherry Tempo! Now march, glib blobbit!
Shmow-tow, dude! That guy's gonna dingle our bones into tapioca pudding
Aw, buckets.
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This is for my brother, Jonathan Jones and to ANY and ALL of you suffering tonight, or tomorrow or any other day. This is from my book Under a Full Blue Moon, and I believe all of us could stand to read it...
Darkness Fades
“The moon just went behind a cloud, To hide his face and cry.” -Hank Williams
I'm sorry that you're hurting so desperately right now. I know how painful the seconds, and minutes, and days can be, how long the nights are.
I understand how very hard hanging on can be, and how much courage it takes. I ask though that you hold on one day at a time. Just one day, and slowly this despair will pass.
The feelings you fear you're trapped in will serve their purpose, and then fade away. Difficult to imagine isn't it? Almost impossible to believe when every cell in your body seems cries out in agony, desperately in need of comfort.
When it feels like the only thing in the whole world that can touch your pain and banish it is beyond your grasp. And after all this time, the assurance that you will heal has become an empty, broken promise.
Just let one tiny cell in your body continue to believe in the promise of healing. Just one. You can surrender every other cell to your despair. Just that one little cell of faith that you can heal and be whole again is enough to keep you going, is enough to lead you through the darkness.
Although it can't banish your suffering, it can sustain you until the time comes for you to let your pain go. And the letting go can only occur in its own time, as much as we would like to push the pain away forever.
Just hold on... Hold on to appreciate the beauty of the earth, to feel the songs of the birds in your heart, to learn and to teach, to laugh a genuine laugh, to dance on the beach, to rest peacefully, to experience contentment, to want to be no other place but in the here and now, to trust in yourself, and to trust your life.
Hold on because it's worth the terrible waiting. Hold on because you are worthy. Hold on because the wisdom that will follow you out of this darkness will be a tremendous gift. Hold on because you have so much love and joy waiting to be experienced. Hold on because life is precious, even though it can bring terrible losses.
Hold on because there is so much that you can't imagine waiting ahead on your journey - a destiny that only you can fulfill. Hold on although your exhausted and your grasp is shaky, and you want more than anything to let go sometimes. Please hold on.
So much in life can be difficult, even impossible to understand. I know... So many of us have cried in despair, why? why? why? and still the answers and the comfort failed to show. Survival can be a long and lonely road, in spite of all those who've stumbled down the path before you. And it can be a treacherous, torturous journey - so easy to get lost, and yet impossible to avoid even one painful step.
And the light at the end of the dark tunnel for so long cannot be seen, although eventually you'll begin to feel its warmth as you move forward. And forward you must move in order to get through the hell of remembering, of despair, of rage, of grief. Rest if you must, doubt your ability to survive the journey if you have to, but never let go of the guiding ropes, although when you close your fingers around them your hands feel empty, they are still there.
When you're exhausted, when all you have to count on is a weakened, weary faith; hold on. When you think you want to die, hold on until you recognize that it's not death you seek, but for the pain to go away. Hold on, because this darkness will surely fade away. Hold on.
Please, hold on.
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If you wake up one morning...
... and it's a particularly beautiful day,
you'll know we made it.
- Sunshine ☀️
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“It’s not the goal but the set of the sail that determines the way you go.”
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A little book that packs a punch!
From the first few pages to the last chapter, “Natalie’s Good Fortune” is a cleverly written historical fiction full of twists and turns, suspense and action. It’s an incredible story of a delicate and sheltered proper young lady who discovers her own resilience and inner courage in the face of the brutal realities of life on the seas. A page turner from start to finish, this charming story will leave you immediately reaching for the sequel!!
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I am figuring it out. You don’t take a pile of bricks and say this is my house. You work on it, craft it and design your home, decorate it and make it your own. I put work and dedication into designing myself. I’m growing into someone I am happy with, inside and out.
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