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Anniversary

my flesh tears like paper

thoughts fluid like vapor

feelings always taper

but that’s the old me now

then it all changed somehow

when you showed up anyhow

my flesh is whole and sound

thoughts steady as the ground

feelings that could astound

together we found joy

The kind you can’t destroy

so I thought as a boy

next we learned how to lie

we both wished we could die

hate was our lullaby

yet we still groove with time

Joy got covered in grime

I forgot how to rhyme

every night lie awake

asking when it would break

it came like an earthquake

aftershocks split my heart

everything reminded me of you

The passenger seat, sunsets, fucking waffles

left feeling broken and alone

my flesh is deeply scarred

thoughts like stones in a river

feelings torn down to bone

happy wedding anniversary

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With short black hair and loving eyes

You are my sorrows best demise

All it takes is one funny face

Our laughter never loses pace

You’ve got my back when times are tough

You make hard times feel less rough

With soft hugs that calm the storm

Dark days start to transform

If I had to do it all over you’d discover

I’d do whatever it takes to be your lover

Changing fate with ease

Doing anything to stand with you in the sea breeze

Everyday I have to rejoice

I’ve never made a better choice

Than Hearing “I do” in your voice

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In this lonely lighthouse I must stay

For every long and dreary day

Without hint at my escape

Sitting upon the stark old cape

What is prison what is jail

I still haven’t made my bail

Stuck in this awful place

I’m left without any chase

In this storm ridden lighthouse

I’m even distanced from my spouse

Gone are all of my dreams

Gone beneath the waves like screams

The ocean has taken all

Waves swallow me in alcohol

The lighthouse groans

My soul moans

I let go of the light

I’m done trying to fight

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Take me there

When this hollow feeling fades

In all it’s disgusting shades

Will you take me to the ocean

That I may prove to you my devotion

While we seek change in emotion

When all the fighting ends

With all it’s bloody bends

Will you take me to the bay

Where we can fish away each day

Even if it’s is so cliche

When this trial is over in the fall

Won’t you let me give us my all

I’m here for the long haul

Sense when all of this is over

When the fighting doesn’t takeover

When I’m free of these chains

When time comes to fade my pains

Will you take me to the ocean

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Trees

With those forest eyes and earth patterned hair, that honey meadow smile, raging river flair.

Soft grass kindness extends from those cherry blossom lips, all that summer sky sharpness crammed inside that wild mind.

Detached from all of the hustling mess of the city, you’ve got that country kind of grind.

I dare to get lost with you, with you I don’t have to worry about love being blind.

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Foul Play

Maybe a million miles away

In a very different day

I could find the things to say.

We could’ve done it another way

Then maybe you would stay

I’d take that path without delay.

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Why you left

You say there’s no one else you’d rather be around, but all I can think of is why are you with him. Then I remember that I’m the monster here, I’m the one that threw torches on our love, my lack of self control and my burning mind. I lost everything I ever wanted to the only thing I couldn’t stop inside myself. The whole time my love for you flourished as did the voices in my head tearing me apart. In the end everything inside me torched everything outside.

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Last nights dream

I was sitting at the kitchen table reading some unspecific book. Realizing only moments later that she was walking up behind me I didn’t look up but greeted her sweetly. She walked up right beside me with a game in hand excited to show me what she was doing on it. She walked up to me and got close to my side showing me her game that she had just done something amazing on. As she pressed close to me I wrapped my arm around her waist pulling her in close to me, I felt her exquisitely soft skin and her warm essence. She was so sweet and happy, she wanted nothing more than to be close to me and show me her excitement about her game, I never saw her face but I didn’t need to. It doesn’t matter what she looks like, she made me happy for just a moment and that was all I had ever wanted

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I can’t forget

I thought a break meant a break,

A pause or a to be continued.

Now I’m afraid when you said break

That you meant forever or never.

I catch myself almost calling you babe,

Remembering that I’m not yours anymore

Remembering that I’m not on your mind

Remembering that I’m just a friend

Remembering that I’m all alone now

Remembering that you walked away

I remember that I love you.

That will never need remembering

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The memory

The tattoo on my arm,

The pictures in my room,

The Winnie the Pooh I carry in my pocket,

The note you wrote me before I left.

The way you used to look at me,

The way you used to call me babe,

The shit we’ve been through together.

I will keep running from this,

I will keep running from you,

I will keep running from everything.

Maybe when I get to Ohio things will change,

Maybe when I get out of the military it’ll change,

Maybe when I get to grow up things will change.

But for now I’m lost in the memory of you,

Lost in a life I didn’t want to live.

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Ohio

Leaving Ohio was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, you were standing there looking stunning but he was standing on the porch. You two are happy, I’m the one who doesn’t know how to live my life happily. I just thought maybe things would be the way we’d always talked about, you’d fall into my arms with your heart against mine

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You changed my mind

You know I never believed in forever,

I was always changing with the weather.

Having a family was a joke for a fool,

wasn’t planning on being anyone’s tool.

I wrote poems in a strict fashion,

It was my only passion.

But then I met you,

We talked till the hours grew old.

Now I’m seeing the light that you cast on my lonely world, and there was so much I had never seen. I’m falling for you, you’re all that’s on my mind and your name is written across my heart. I can’t wait till I can be back in your arms I just hope next time it’s a little more permanent

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It’s So Hard

It’s so hard to be around you now, sense my heart just can’t figure out how not to fall in love with you every time I see your face, or lightly touch your hand feeling my pulse race. It’s too hard to not simply explode with every expression of love I have to my name whenever I’m around you

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You’re all I’ve got

Every mention of him from your lips is another dagger placed through my heart, at least now I’m starting to expect the sharp sting that your words bring.

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Why can’t I accept the fact that you’ve got someone else? Maybe it’s because when we said that we were meant to be it meant something to me, or maybe I’m just ignorant