qmabailor

[qmabailor]

Clark: "Hey, B, are you okay, you look a little--"

Bruce: "What ever you are about to say, don't say it."

Clark: "Why?"

Bruce, in a whisper: "Because Dick has taken it upon himself to impress me with backflips should I appear upset."

Clark: "And this is a problem because?"

Bruce, still whispering: "Because whilst in all other ways he is a gifted acrobat, every time he does a backflip, without fail, he falls on his face and fighting back the urge to laugh everytime is starting to wear on me."

Clark: "Aww, Bruce. Sounds like he messes up on purpose to try and make you laugh, 'cause I've seen him do backflips lots of times."

Bruce: "Oh..."

---

Bruce, later as he tucks Dick into bed: "If you really want to make me laugh, you should do that thing where you jump onto Clark..."

---

Dick, the next morning leaping from the chandelier: "SKY ATTACK."

Clark, scrambling to catch him: "Jesus, Dick!"

[qmabailor]

He finally got to meet him!

[qmabailor]

hey so Riddle dislikes it when people make fun of him for his height and he gets super angry, so what’s he do when his crush who is taller than him by a couple of inches, be it male or female, and crush is calmly like “you’re 5’3 right? Why not just take their kneecaps or kick them in their balls if they annoy you so much about it?” ( 😂 he’s never been in a physical fight in his life and I don’t think using his short height to his advantage has ever occurred to him. Crush encouraging a new sort of wrath on the tweels)).

Riddle Rosehearts was fuming. Again.

The Tweels had been particularly insufferable today—Floyd crouching dramatically to pat his head, and Jade making a suspiciously polite remark about “how hard it must be to assert one’s authority from such a low altitude.”

He’d nearly given himself an ulcer biting his tongue, only letting out a withering, “That is enough out of you two!” before storming off with his dignity as intact as it could be.

You found him pacing in the rose garden, mumbling under his breath and looking very much like he was seconds away from reenacting a guillotine scene with hedge clippers.

“Bad day?” you asked, leaning against a column casually. You were a few inches taller than him—not that it ever bothered you.

“Those eels—!” Riddle snapped, gesturing furiously with his arms. “I cannot understand why everyone insists on mocking me for my height! I am not a child! I am the Housewarden of Heartslabyul!”

You blinked at him. Then tilted your head.

“You’re 5’3”, right?”

His eye twitched. “Yes, and if you must bring that up—”

“I’m just saying,” you shrugged calmly, “if people are giving you grief about it, why not just take their kneecaps or kick them in the balls?”

Riddle stared. Visibly short-circuited. “I—I beg your pardon?!”

You smiled a little, nonchalant. “I mean, logically speaking, your height gives you the perfect angle. You don’t even need to aim that hard. A swift move and boom—problem solved. Think of it as strategic retaliation.”

He looked appalled. “That’s—that’s barbaric! I’ve never—I’m not a street brawler! I resolve disputes with rules! And logic! And—”

“But Riddle,” you interrupted sweetly, “you’d be so efficient at it.”

He paused.

“…Efficient?”

You nodded, utterly serious. “You could weaponize their assumptions. No one sees it coming from someone who quotes dorm rules and drinks tea with pinky out. Floyd crouches to mess with you? Just go for the knees. Jade tries to be snide? Ball tap. Bam. Lesson learned.”

Riddle looked down at his gloved hands. Then back up at you.

“…I could probably knock Floyd’s balance off if I timed it right…”

You nodded. “Exactly. You’re small but mighty. Tactical. Like a magical landmine.”

He flushed, torn between scandal and curiosity. “That’s… absurd. And completely against school policy.”

“…But you are a rule enforcer,” you pointed out. “Technically, you’d just be punishing them for misconduct. Just... with more spice.”

He made a strangled sound.

Later that week, Floyd tried the head-patting thing again.

Riddle didn’t actually kick him in the balls.

But he did jab his wand directly into the side of Floyd’s knee with the kind of force that made the eel slump to the floor like a sack of eels and wail, “Shrimpy what did you TELL HIM?!”

You sipped your tea from the sidelines.

Riddle didn’t smile.

But he did look... significantly less furious.

[qmabailor]

a court of thorns and roses. ballad of songbirds and snakes. bowl of macaroni and cheese

[qmabailor]

is it safe to spray herbicide inside my house? i'm worried about my safety

[qmabailor]

[qmabailor]

so sorry i have listening to music in my underwear scheduled for tonight

[qmabailor]

imagine the first-years saying something that sounds exactly like one of their upperclassmen and them just freezing up and thinking: oh. oh seven please no.

for ace, he excuses himself to the nearest bathroom and starts dramatically complaining to himself in the mirror like his world is literally ending, complete with dripping makeup and everything.

for epel, he just stares into the ether with a blank expression on his face for ten whole minutes, and no amount of prodding will get him to move until his ten minutes are up. (when one of your upperclassmen is rook, who spouts poetic and vaguely threatening bullshit 24/7, sounding like him has got to be one of your worst nightmares.)

for sebek, silver has him cringing and rolling his eyes with a blush on his face. when it comes to lilia and malleus, he immediately curls up into a ball and starts sobbing uncontrollably, because how dare he even attempt to sound like them.

for deuce, he doesn’t even notice, just keeps continuing what he's doing without a care in the world even when people are staring at him like they just saw the great seven themselves. like imagine deuce, who barely uses the internet mind you, spouting some kind of hashtag that cater once said with perfect cater-like internet slang, before immediately going back to mixing a potion or smth like nothing happened.

yuu has just become a fountain of quotes that the upperclassmen have said before, and every single student (sans the first-years) kind of avoid them now because holy shit they can perfectly replicate our upperclassmen's personality at this point wtf.

jack and ortho take it the best of all of them. jack kind of just gets flustered (tsundere that he is) and refuses to look ruggie or leona in the eye for a few days. ortho actually thinks it's kind of funny when he sounds like idia, so when he catches himself, he just starts giggling.

their upperclassmen, on the other hand, just kind of stare at them in varying degrees of pride, regret, and hilarity.

[qmabailor]

wikipedia no longer being anywhere near the top of search results when looking up anything feels eviscerating

[qmabailor]

Can’t wait for, like, 2025 when we look back on the 2018/2019 era and say “hey, remember when we were all really freaking depressed? That was a crazy time! Glad we aren’t like that anymore”

[qmabailor]

I used to be mad about "whole language" reading approaches in theory but now I work with school-age kids and I am mad about it in practice.

[qmabailor]

WHOA!!!!! i love my friends' ocs

[qmabailor]

A bus may have only a couple of passengers, especially at the beginning or end of its route. But let's also take fuel efficiency into account.

[qmabailor]

LOWERCASE LETTERS ARE FOR THE LOWER CLASS

[qmabailor]

We all know what erectile dysfunction is but literally no one is ever taught what vaginismus is and it can cause people to feel extremely lost, broken, and cause people to take their own lives. Raise. Awareness.

[qmabailor]

"Was this book good or was I deeply 19 when I read it:" an investigative journalism series