qmabailor

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i like the idea that red hood is to crime alley what daredevil is to hell's kitchen in the dd comics. in the way that:

Jason: *in full red hood gear, walking through an alley* homeless man next to him: hey, todd. how's patrol? jason: *grinning under his helmet* i don't know if you need new glasses---or maybe a memory boost, jimmy---but the todd kid is dead. i, obviously, am not. homeless man: *snickers* yeah sure, sure, jason

Jason: *walking down the street in civvies* passerby: hey! hood! i have some info for you, drug deal goin' on 'round the docks jason: *raises brow* yeah? well, i ain't hood . . . but i'll take that info to him if ya want. he patrols near my apartment passerby: you keep tellin' yourself that, dude

batman: have you seen the criminal Red Hood? crime alley resident: *lighting a cigarette, making continual eye contact with batman* I'm blind. haven't seen anyone batman: *examines the woman* obviously not. you can see me just fine crime alley resident: ya ain't ever heard of selective vision impairment? it's totally a thing batman:

little girl: hey, hood. th' cops were lookin' fer ya jason: hmm. what did ya tell 'em? little girl: t' stick it where th' sun don't shine jason: *high-fives her* i'm going to buy you an entire toy store, kid

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at this point in time? would be ECSTATIC for politicians who are just indifferent to my existence

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When Bruce was new to the whole having children thing, he was always stepping in and trying to break up fights. His resolve was quickly broken, and he just decided to put rules on fighting out problems. No breaking anything, no weapons, no hitting face, neck, or groin, and no knockouts.

Batman leaned against the wall and casually watched as Robin and Red Robin beat the shit out of each other. The JL glanced at each other.

"You... You gonna do something about that, Bats?" Barry asks cautiously.

"It's been a long time coming." Bruce grunts. "Let them handle it." A hit to the jaw lands on Damian, and he shouts at them: "AY, KEEP IT AWAY FROM THE FACE!"

"FUCK OFF!" Tim screams but he doesn't punch Damian in the face again.

Diana nods. "I approve of this parenting technique. Sometimes problems need to be solved with some bruises and blood." Bruce nods as well.

"I've found breaking up their fights just means they still get bruised but no issue is solved." Batman explains and Diana hums thoughtfully.

"Would it not also be adequate to have them duel?"

"No, they do actual damage if i let them have a weapon.

"Ah, I suppose that makes sense."

Everyone is horrified.

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The moment Jason starts to feel more comfortable around the family to, at least, visit some events, Tim embraces the completely different dynamic from the one they had before. Now, he doesn't want them to banter around others. Now, he wants the others to envy him, because he plans to become Jason's favourite in the span of *checks his pre-planned strategy* two months.

Firstly, because he can't allow himself to not be loved by his big siblings (Dick and Cass adore him, there is no way he is going to break his successful record). Secondly, because being Jason's favourite would ruin, like, everyone's mood. Especially, Bruce's. And thirdly, because, urgh, fine, Jason is kinda smart and cool. (This line is crossed out several times, but it doesn't matter).

Jason, going through the gifts his family bought him unenthusiastically, because his family knows zero about what he actually wants to get as a gift, but at least they hadn't forgotten to invite him on Christmas party like the last year: Urgh, the book about controlling your anger... (his eye twitching) Right, thanks dad. The apron... Okay, thanks, Dick. The knife... Thoughtful one, Damian. Keychain from... Whatever, yeah, uh, thanks, guys.

Everyone: (hopeful eyes of absolute idiots) Tim, coughing: You forgot to open my gift. Jason: Oh, right, sec. Jason: (ear-piercing scream) WOODEN TEA CADDY LEFT FROM JANE AUSTEN HERSELF???????? Tim, sending a smirk to his disappointed family members: Well, yeah, I've decided to go with a small gift this time. Just bought it from her house museum, in Chawton. You know. Jason: (incoherent sounds of happiness) Bruce, through his gritted teeth: Good job. Tim.

And Jason? Well, he is sure that this gremlin plans something, but he hops on any idea that will create more chaos in the family. So, he plays along.

Bruce: That's reckless. You don't go alone on the missions like this, Jason. You were supposed to, at least, warn someone before going there. Jason: Uh, I literally did. My favourite brother knew. Dick: No, I didn't? Tim, from the coach: Yeah, I had his back. Don't worry, B. Damian: ...Since when? Jason: Since always, duh? Tim: (little evil laughter) Dick: Good. For you. Guys.

Tim: Hey, demon brat, tell B that I am out of patrols for today. Damian: Why is that? Tim: Oh, Jason taking me to the Gotham Knights' game. Damian: And why did he bother invite only you? Tim: Oh, I don't know, maybe because the last time you told him that all these sports suck. Damian, fuming: Drake- Steph, squinting: You said you don't like them either. Tim: Well, I guess I changed my mind after Jason invited me. Anyway, bye, losers. Damian: I shall put the end to his life! Dick: OKAY, CALM DOWN-

(A few months later)

Jason, sitting on the rooftop with Tim: Anyway, what is the ending point of all this? Like, until when you keep pissing them off by hanging out with me? Tim: Uh... Jason, there is no ending point. I like hanging out with you? Jason, with his eyes wet, because he thought Tim wasted his time on him just for the sake of something: oH

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Damian: Todd, I require assistance. Jason: *puts down book* uh, yeah? Damian: my academic rival, the class president, has declared to our peers that my comprehensions of this week’s given reading material is lacking. Therefore I must ensure that my book report is the most thorough, intelligent and well-praised report in the entire class. Jason: Jason: ya want help with your schoolwork Damian: essentially, yes. Jason: well, kiddo. Whatd’I get in return? Damian: I will draw a written contract saying that I will, on pain of dishonor upon my title as Robin, never tell Father that the reason we have not seen the Joker in two months is that he is currently slowly bleeding to death in the Pit. Jason: would you have told him that anyway? Damian: . . . no. Jason: good. Okay then, bring me this book report shit

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👑 eVil Queen👑 

Vil fanart I painted for his chapter release a while ago

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Just bc someone is offended does not mean they’re right.

That is all folks

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what if im not medically depressed what if im just a massive lazy cunt and big loser

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𓆝 𓆟 𓆞

post/artist

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Desperately need petty Alfred, whose form of bullying Bruce for something is, like, moving all furniture in the cave on one inch. Just one. A barely noticeable difference, and yet, it is m a d d e n i n g.

Bruce, blindly trying to reach for the pen as he realises that they are slightly, slightly lefter than usual: (Slow processing)

Bruce, raising his head to the celling, desperate : ...What did I do this time?!

Jason, who was adopted recently, confused: Is he... talking to God?

Dick, snorting: Something like this.

Dick: So, there is a thing... When Alfred is mad—

Many years later, Bruce and Tim return to the Batcave and realise that all stuff there is moved on one inch. Bruce is confused, because he is very, very sure that he didn't fuck up anything recently. Meanwhile, Alfred is just glad that his newly brought back alive grandson found a very healthy way to punish his father for not killing Joker.

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the neurodivergent experience:

20% of the time: wowwieee!!! i love my passions and interests!!!!! they make me so happy i want to jump up and down!!!!! weee!!!!!!! :3333333333

80% of the time: this mind is a prison

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I say shit like "If my memory serves me" knowing damn well it serves the dark lord

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the monster under the bed is scary to YOU. i’m having sex with it though.

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Story concept: Amelia Bedelia vs the fae. There's no tricking her with confusing wordery because she takes everything literally.

"May I have your name, please? :)" "Sorry, no, it's mine and I'm still using it! :)"