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[psychopathicpuss]

I’m a drug addict. I inform others of the dangers of drugs. As I feel the side effects myself. But is it weird to say I feel alive when I crave it the most. It feels good. I am edged by the fact that I want something that I can’t have? I get off on this stuff. I feel pure ecstasy not when I am happy or with my “loved ones” but when I am in a state of self awareness and unconsciousness. Dangling in between balancing on the tight rope across. I don’t wanna make it on either side so I guess I’ll stay in the middle. Like a hypocrite. I am neither a drug addict or an ex drug addict. I hate the feeling of the after affects of drugs but I really want a blunt right now. You get it?

[psychopathicpuss]

Vampryoteuthis infernalis (Vampire squid)

It might just be my empty thoughts or something but it was while I was watching a video on vampire squid when it came to me. Why are fish in the sea? And doing nothing? Why? And yea some people come up with the argument that “oh fish need water to live” or “fish can’t breathe” okay then why do whales have legs? I think there is a bigger thing going on. WHY DO WHALES HAVE LEG BONES? I’m almost 100% sure something is going on. The fish people are coming. And we are all gonna be sucked into the Bermuda Triangle/ humanitarium (aquarium but for humans) and we are gonna be the entertainment for the fish people. No one is safe! Now look at the cute vampire squid that resides in the deep parts of the ocean. It was given the name vampire squid because of its defense mechanism of turning inside out to reveal sharp looking teeth like things. Don’t worry though if you are ever to encounter one of these in the ocean (which I doubt because it’s nearly impossible) they will not be able to hurt you. They are HARMLESS!

[psychopathicpuss]

Monster energy drinks give me liquid shit. Rockstar is better.

[psychopathicpuss]

you’re such a strange girl

When I was 10 maybe to this day I had a friend. Well maybe when I was ten I wanted to be friends. She was quiet. But oh how she caught my eyes. She was quiet perfect. But i forgot to mention she was beautiful. Her freckles light pressed on her face as if they were any bit darker she would break. She was thin and frail. But not as if she had been starving. Never that. I hoped she was never starving. I didn’t know how to feel about her l. She was everything I ever wanted to be or everything I ever wanted. I felt threatened. But as if o could ever compete with her overwhelming beauty. I was engulfed but her beautiful hazel eyes. It’s weird I’ve never talked to her but it felt as if she was all I ever needed. At 11 I talked to her. I was friendly. I knew I was. So why did her friend come up to me and slap me? I don’t think she understands the lengths I would go to. It’s okay this is a bump in the road. I’ll get over it. And I did. The next year she was in my class. Sitting right behind me. I talked to her. She didn’t talk back because she was shy and quiet I loved that. I would chat and chat. At one point I even introduced her to my friends. We all became friends. But why is she paying attention to the other girls other than me? It’s fine. I never get what i plan to get. So I abuse of what I have. Maybe it’s my fault why her beauty doesn’t shine like it used too. Or maybe I’m too deep in my drugs and looking into the mirror nit picking everything I am because she doesn’t love ME. But she doesn’t love the other girls either? She loves her boyfriend how could I ever compete with a man? 12 I was still doing drugs I even got her into it. This was dark path and I knew it but I was leading the way. Did I care? No I didn’t. Then the pandemic hit. It was a pause button but for an extrovert like me going through a hard time at home I just ended up abusing of what I had even more because I couldn’t talk to others. I’m not the best at reaching out. So I didn’t. Without the drugs and her words I fell down a pit. But to have light you need darkness. I found that light. In myself. It may have taken 2 years but I got here. Without her. The girl I got slapped over. She tramped over my feelings. And threw them in my face. And the moment I stopped talking to her she picked them back up and cleaned them up. A stunning beauty. A strange beauty. If only she loved me maybe we could’ve been in that pit together. I’ve lost weight. I look in the mirror and see someone attractive. I also see a faker. If you threw me in water I would probably float because of all the plastic that’s in my body. I am a sad sad midget. I like to wear saggy clothing and if it was up to me I wouldn’t even eat. I would be out all day in the forest. And I would only eat if I say something cute. I would dance to music. And feel comforted that no one is watching me. But I’m an extrovert. I can’t live without people. And people are addicted to me. Once you get a taste you can’t wait till you get more and find out what it is. It’s like a drop of rain hitting your tongue in the middle of a desert. You miss it for a second and almost don’t recognize it because of your thirst but you know you want more. After knowing all this and being all this she still doesn’t love me. Is it because I’m obsessive? Am I not attractive enough? But it’s okay. I know im not all that. Because if I was she would love me. She would probably tell me “you’re such a strange girl” in a joking tone. After doubting myself so much.