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remember when i said i was beginning to relate more and more to michael? well,

i think it’s easy to underestimate his character and not really understand who he is, but once you start acting like him, it gives you a new perspective in the whole of solitaire. michael is a very angry individual, i think we all know that. however, he is not portrayed like how angry characters usually are. his anger stays inside, like a lion waiting to attack. michael lives hiding a part of himself, somewhere so deep in his mind that whenever it is able to come out it becomes his worst nightmare ever. unlike most angry characters, the anger doesn’t affect the rest, it affects him.

i think this is so important to talk about, because yes, solitaire is tori’s book, but michael brings very important details to the story. i know most of the fandom likes to talk about him as a silly little guy, and that’s valid, because he also is that. my mind just won’t be at peace until we all realize a bit more how important he is.

anger will bring him down. that’s not something we can argue about, it’s the truth. and yes, it sounds silly, anger, really? that’s the thing that’s gonna bring him down? well, not exactly. anger is the first symptom of losing yourself. you start keeping all the anger to yourself, not really knowing what to do with it or why it’s becoming bigger and bigger. as this continues, you start hating, loathing every single moment of your life that doesn’t go as planned. before you even know it, you’re isolating yourself, afraid of any chance of the anger getting stronger.

if i were to show this with a scene of the book i would choose the one were michael finally explodes at tori. because at that moment, he has been trying so hard to be her friend, and attempt after attempt, she’s just been making things difficult. i say this from an objective perspective, because we know tori wasn’t in the right headspace, but that doesn’t mean michael’s wasn’t bad mentally as well. it’s what i said before, you start loathing everything that doesn’t go your way. and in this case, his friendship with tori wasn’t going his way. it’s a very hard topic to explain because i have been in both ends, mostly in michael’s, and it is extremely difficult to deal with. we know michael doesn’t have friends and probably didn’t have before either, which means he has been carrying this issue his whole life. it’s obvious he was going to explode. he keeps trying and trying and nothing goes his way. he can’t make friends to save his life, oh and look, he also failed the competition of what he is supposed to be great at, perfect!

i guess i just wanted to talk about this because as i said, feeling like this is not great. it sucks. it’s horrible to experience but so normalized as well. people like tori get talked about behind their backs. everyone has a bit of bitterness in their voice when they talk about them, spitting how being mentally ill doesn’t excuse you for being a bad person. people like michael get pitied. the people who keep a smile and don’t stop trying even when they’re dying inside. everyone feels bad for them, but no one cares enough to make a difference.

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should I do an introduction post or is there nothing to find about me chat

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when she says she doesn’t send nudes

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a sprolden type relationship save me a sprolden type relationship

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"We accept the love we think we deserve."

- Mr. Anderson, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Tori would have liked Charlie I believe.

"We're so used to disaster that we think we accept it. We think we deserve it."

-still tori spring, page no. 301 of solitaire

I think this one is relevant

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this book ruined me

Me peacefully checking out the solitaire audiobook on hoopla cause I’ve been meaning to read it:

the warnings: this book contains references of su¡c¡de and su¡c¡de attempts, su¡c¡dal ideation, self harm, depression, eating disorders, and obsessive compulsive behaviors, please listen safely and responsibly.

me:

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Sometimes people ask me why Solitaire is my favourite book, and I give them reasons.

But the main reason is something I haven’t told a lot of people. And sometimes I remember it, and I’m thankful Alice wrote the book.

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I rly hate the lack of Tori content

Like, I understand why most of the content is about Charlie and heartstopper because! There's more content there, and they have a TV show, and an ongoing plot, and like, Charlie is the main character, and he goes through a lot, so naturally he's going to be the main focus! But like...

Tori has a whole book about her. Not just her own book, but the first book. She's the first character in the Osmanverse. Every other character technically stemmed from her.

In that book, it is almost entirely about her depression, and her struggle, and her downward spiral, and-

Like. Charlie obviously has a lot of struggle. Obviously. But so does Tori, and I wish some people would get that? Like, I get some people haven't read Solitaire. But, like, even in the TV show you can see her struggling in the background and I wish some people would just acknowledge that.

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Souls // Car seat headrest

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One day I will go to sleep and that will be the most peaceful night ever because I'd know I don't have to go through this ever again

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More people (Me.) should stop getting so fucking pissed that their entire day is filled w the core emotion of anger.

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more people (my family) should start leaving me the fuck alone.

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Today marks 3 years of me coming out as genderfluid for the first time. this bitch gay. good for her. good for her.

9th novemeber. she/they

gay.

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i miss everyone i ever met all the time

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A picrew of what I look like + what I wish I looked like hybrid haha I think it's cute

car seat headrest my beloved also <3

i found a cool tag game on twitter and i really wanna import it (o^ ^o)

this picrew + the last song you listened to :]

no pressure tags: @blood-loving-leech @overtaken-boredom @lesbianthatyaps @kameonerd566 @hexedvampire @laczki @anonymous-shxtposter @fleurafae @flovqy + anyone who wants to do it <3

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I would love to know what was going through Kent's mind when he did that 79 second pause

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Thank you to everyone who got me to 50 likes!

This is so cute hahaha tumblr is so adorable I think