problematicnightingale

[problematicnightingale]

does anyone want to be stabbed? I’m in a stabby mood.

[problematicnightingale]

Sometimes, when I hate myself, I remember that there are actually people who have found “I’m bald” and “vanilla extract” funny and I feel so much better.

[problematicnightingale]

Fiction: *affecting reality*

Reality: *affecting fiction*

Me: hey you guys should make out!

[problematicnightingale]

Except the reason aliens don't visit us and God has abandoned the human race is because of knuckle cracking. It's pretty evident that the aliens are grossed out, not scared.

I mean come on, that shit sounds like nails on a chalkboard.

Humans cracking their knuckles as an intimidation tactic against aliens

Can you imagine being an alien and this thing just broke its bones at you?????

I'd be scared tbh

Why did it make that noise

That's a bone breaking noise

It's like those ppl who bite off their acrylics before a fight

[problematicnightingale]

None of this would be happening if we ended just humanity, you know.

It is very simple.

[problematicnightingale]

let’s celebrate earth day by being kind to the planet and killing ourselves 🍄🍃

[problematicnightingale]

Sorry, I think I accidentally sacrificed your friends and family and the love of your life in order to make the moon eclipse the sun forever and ever. I hope I didn't inconvenience you. Do you want a cookie?

[problematicnightingale]

Too bad this beautiful soul wronged me. I now hold his brother for ransom in the dungeon beneath my forest castle. I lured him into the dark pit of the forest with my song. And he cannot live without him. He can have him back if he only… sends bomb threats to civilians on my behalf. How did they wrong me exactly? Well, they exist. It’s disgusting, I know. But his stupid brother would rather remain my prisoner when he cries “no, do the right thing, brother!” Well, he won’t be saying that after I lock him in a room with every painfully tropey generic kid’s movie I can think of playing back to back until he finally shuts his trap and lets him be my reluctant henchman.

[problematicnightingale]

um yeah I pull bitches. pull bitches into my dark realm of terrors

[problematicnightingale]

I’m an evil siren and a failgirl. I would come. I get so lonely 🥺

I want to host my own evil convention where all the dark wizards, tyrants, cannibals, despots, mad scientists, vengeful engineers, and failboys/failgirls can get together and do fun stuff like sack racing and flencing live cops. But I'm afraid nobody will show up. I refuse to create evil dashcon.

[problematicnightingale]

the only facism i tolerate is ecofacism

[problematicnightingale]

would you like me to lure them with my song and make them go missing?

ngl everyone the chosen one and their merry band of misfit friends are fucking up my empire

[problematicnightingale]

One thing about me is that I love to peddle dangerous conspiracy theories that harm society because I'm so quirky like that

[problematicnightingale]

Shoot, did I accidentally crush an orphanage with my dark insectoid tendrils? I'm so sorry! Ugh, my autism and clinical anxiety really frazzles my brain sometimes.