privateenemy

[privateenemy]

If I wanted an out i would have found it by now. I will not escape culpability. if there were daisies it'd be lovely but all the same, i belong here. I don't know why I just do. To solve my self loathing would be to revel in the malignment rather than detransition. If transition is even an accurate term. Reclassified. Accurately reassigned

[privateenemy]

a contradiction or maybe simply difficult question i havent answered yet that's frustrated me is that people often claim that theory of transgender manhood and transgender masculinity [which must be done by trans men and trans masculine nonbinary people because it is our job, we cannot demand other people's intellectual labor, we must make something by ourselves so it can truly fit ourselves] must form around transfeminist frameworks which necessarily is written and headed by trans women and trans feminine nonbinary people, and through this the theory should not attempt to theorize about trans women and trans feminine nonbinary people and should instead defer to transfeminist theory they make about themselves, which is not made with trans men and trans masculine nonbinary people in mind but incidentally we will just fit somewhere in it because it's accurate to this demographic. and also because of standpoint epistemology, anything people who arent trans men or trans masculine nonbinary people should be given deference to what we think or how others think about us.

[privateenemy]

i hate seeing posts in defense of trans men as much if not more than seeing the opposite. i dont care about validity honestly i barely care about perceptions of "safety" because i dont want to be in "community" with people obsessed that im "safe" (read: weak, having no power against them) i dont care about your worldview i dont care about perfect theory or opposing frameworks I fucking. I don't know. It makes me feel bad for them. Manhood as a sinking ship, armed with canons, I'll have to go down with it, but you should get off. Ship is too big to lift, don't tie your rope and pull. What are you trying to save here? Build your rafts with the scraps, collect defectors and survivors, this is all you can do. But it has to die

[privateenemy]

im not a man because its enjoyable or freeing im a man because im cursed to self absorbed pseudo-introspection. im a man because its true. i just am a man.

[privateenemy]

logged onto bluesky to find a creator i liked and still got sucked back into discourse hell searching "trans men" to find that peoples only actual engagement of theory about trans men and trans masc nonbinary people is not led by trans men or trans masc nonbinary people or saying its a psyop.

[privateenemy]

whenever they're talking about detransitioners they are usually talking about trans men and mascs. if you can understand that when they're talking about the bathroom or sports theyre talking about trans women and femmes, this is simple to grasp

[privateenemy]

was going to make this a half page write up but id just be overcompensating, bluesky drama riddled with snark and defensiveness ended with a skeet that read something like "trans men wonder why theres no transfeminist theory centered around them, [the subthread] is why. this is why." and it pissed me the fuck off. it was about regendering and legibility and i deviated from everyones opinions as far as i understood it but it pissed me off "You subskeeted me so enjoy your erasure, this is your fault" [that will supposedly happen because trans women dont talk about it, because listening to trans men about things that affect us is impossible]

trans women are instrumental and deserve the spotlight in transfeminism when they are so routinely denied it in other forms, but i dont need i dont want your theory about me if an off color subskeet thread is enough to cause this. i don't fucking know, what is there to say?

i follow the guy because he frequently calls out transmasc misogyny (as is put) and then him being accused of believing in transmisandry because it was mentioned as a silly thing to believe in in his own thread.

im not this guy's PR, i dont give a fuck, he was flippant i could see the argument that he was rude. but his thread, as far as i understood, did not interject anything about trans women, just named an issue he saw with how trans men were framed, a correction he made as someone with that or similar experience, to someone (indirectly) without that experience.

this is still too long for what this was. i dont remember every detail of the thread, he said lol and lmao, i thought these were de-aggro but apparently theyre rude as fuck i dont understand. but she's still right to be hurt by that. maybe the tone and dismissal was transmisogynistic, i dont have the thread anymore, and im not a trans woman, I wouldn't really know. this is a post about an extremely granular pet peeve

[privateenemy]

i wonder why someone with native heriatge in latin america would use catholic imagery? must be a tradcath psyop

[privateenemy]

i just think if your gut reaction is to disagree with things said in that article but you can't articulate why or how you disagree, maybe you ARE just biased against it. worth a thought!

My gut reaction was to agree wholeheartedly immediately after reading it, I love Doyle's work. It's empathetic without being self centered in a way I don't find a lot of writing in this sphere to be. I was unsatisfied by it after thinking about it. Of course, none of this is to dispute that I'm biased, because thinking about it also puts my biases in action. The use of the word "just" ticks me off a little though lol

[privateenemy]

Found this response piece / critique on Bluesky by someone I follow.

the new Jude Doyle piece is OK (and also what transandrophobia as a word has been trying to get at to some extent imo, Traitor Trope, although I believe Doyle disavows this word at least by association with transmisandry) but Im a little tilted by it. I can't place why exactly. But good read. Maybe I'm biased. Two Steves

[privateenemy]

inside me there are 2 wolves: "i want to be normal" and "i want this to hurt [me, you, us, them]"

[privateenemy]

y'know i wish you actually articulated what it is exactly about that jude doyle article that has you tilted. why even link it and say you have issues with it if you can't even explain those issues?

Hi. I was just sharing the article because I did like the piece and wanted other people to read it, I just also have secondary complicated feelings about it.

None of my problems with it are really cohesive in my head and I'm still unsure how to word it, I thought it would be useful to someone else though. Maybe I should've made my complaint tags? They're not that important. I dunno.

[privateenemy]

the new Jude Doyle piece is OK (and also what transandrophobia as a word has been trying to get at to some extent imo, Traitor Trope, although I believe Doyle disavows this word at least by association with transmisandry) but Im a little tilted by it. I can't place why exactly. But good read. Maybe I'm biased. Two Steves

[privateenemy]

i feel like so much of my internal identity negotiation is trying to pry myself out of the grip of people who think they have my best interests in mind and so they should have a say in who i should be or what i should do, resisting the urge to bite back because it's what's expected of me, and also resisting the exact thing they say would come after me if i left their grip, resisting the weaponization of myself. i dont want to be a pet project or reworked to fit. i dont know what i want at all.

[privateenemy]

i just dont say any slurs. i dont care if you do i dont care about your justification but even having some used against me consistently in my life, maybe some people think i can say it, but they think it's a byproduct of other things. not everything is about me, not everything is about trans men, but something is, isnt it? i refuse to be "allowed" or "invited" to do something if you think you have to "remind me of my place" about it

thinking about how someone piled onto a transmisogynistic hate campaign on twitter by saying that white trans people love to have an excuse to say slurs quoting a picture of trans women just hanging out and the overarching argument against him was "Why is a he/they trying to tell trans women who can say the t slur" followed by "ofc trans men can say it ... but Know Your Place ..." (it's not yours)

[privateenemy]

thinking about a tweet i read about how the expected standard for trans men is not actually masculinity but erotic femininity

[privateenemy]

read more of the cybercommedia website and Sir Inge's fediverse posts about "transmisandry"

everytime someone says "You know who has been there for me the most? Trans women/femmes... and the worst transphobia I've experienced? From other trans men/mascs..."

what comes to my head is "It's cool that you think you can defeat me with the power of friendship and all, but I am the devil from the bible"