poondragoon

[poondragoon]

Nobody. That kind of extended pain is, from an evolutionary perspective, an abstract corner case with zero impact on fitness because you're more likely to be dead already than not

I swear the human pain response is so fucking maladaptive. "Oh, yeah, being in pain for an extended period of time can provoke a system-wide inflammation response which both slows healing and causes additional pain in parts of the body unrelated to the original injury, so taking painkillers may actually make you heal faster" who designed this bullshit?

[poondragoon]

It's nice to review your accomplishments :)

I’M DOING IT

And we’re gonna do it right! With fancy individual pages ripped off from Awful Hospital’s formatting template!

I also created a rating system from bad (Lucario) to flawless (Garbodor), a scale on which the Bulbasaur line earns a solid “OKAY!!!!!”

I’ll try to post one or more of these a day, or maybe a chunk of them every weekend? I dunno. It’ll go up and down, I’m sure.

[poondragoon]

There's some nasty shit below this cut so be aware

Alright so 99% of slime girl media is just people bangin' 'em or wanting to bang 'em, but...they're slime. Stick your finger in a jar of jelly. Feel that? It's completely yielding and homogenous. I don't care what polarity of equipment you're bringing to the party, a good sex substrate (or, fuckstrate) has got some resistance and friction to it. Something you can grind on, nomesayin'? Otherwise the experience would feel like a dispassionate night in with a bowl of soft-set Jell-O.

So what your slime girl needs is the ability to condense or extrude a denser, more rigid material to more closely approximate the kind of texture and resistance human nerve endings are accustomed to nutting with. Essentially, a vaginal callus. Unfortunately, like a callus, the callussy is dead material, and would probably be shed soon after use.

Basically, you don't fuck a slime girl, you fuck the booger she makes for you.

Slime girls are a cute concept but they should be more than just jelly shaped like a girl, put a nucleus and organelles in there!! or some eyeballs but not where a person's would be.

[poondragoon]

Also, the human brain is... probably not infinite in its capacity to assimilate new information. I'm not saying that you'll get anterograde amnesia or start forgetting your oldest memories or whatever, but I AM saying your brain is going to do something Very Not Fun to you after century 2 or 3 at the very latest. Like, the worst and most tortuous form of dementia imaginable.

Discussions on immortality fictional and irl always brings out some interesting/funny/bizzare opinions

[poondragoon]

I'm trying to work, but my dog won't stop sleeping next to my chair and ripping the most noxious farts known to god and man and I can't just leave him outside because he'll tear up the new landscaping I put in girl HELP.

[poondragoon]

[poondragoon]

If Trump can disappear green card holders for protesting war, he can disappear you. If he can disappear visa holders for criticizing him, he can disappear you. If he can disappear asylum seekers for tattoos, he can disappear you. We must speak out now — before there is no one left to speak out.

[poondragoon]

[poondragoon]

Concept: a D&D adventure where the party stops to rest at a village inn where they seem to be the only guests. The village appears prosperous and well taken care of, but its inhabitants are strangely morose and blunt-spoken. Whether the party decides to investigate or attempts to move on, it quickly becomes apparent that something is terribly wrong: any effort to initiate violence or utter untruth fails as the offender is wracked with terrible pain, unkind words stick in the throat unspoken – and worst of all, anyone who attempts to leave the village becomes confused and finds themselves coming back the way they came. When (politely) questioned, the villagers will say only that the party must speak to the wizard whose tower lies to the east.

Upon reaching the wizard’s tower, the party is met by a slender, youthful-looking man with an unnaturally deep voice, who greets them with distracted courtesy, and – after making brief introductions – reveals that he knows why the party is there, and that it’s indeed all his fault. Thirty years ago, the wizard attempted to cast a blessing of peace and prosperity over the village, but the spell went awry: the enchantment proved to be much more powerful and long-lasting than intended, and its notion of what constitutes a breach of the peace far more expansive. Not only does it prohibit physical violence, but also insults, lies both overt and of omission, and simple failures of courtesy. Even leaving the village seems to be construed as an act of abandonment, and therefore of emotional violence.

Luckily, the wizard believes he’s discovered why the enchantment has become a curse. Though it was intended to ensure that people would be kind to one another, it ironically rendered its own fulfillment impossible, as the villagers began to treat each other well out of fear of reprisal rather than true good will. A sufficiently great act of genuine kindness, unalloyed by self-interest, would shatter the enchantment in an instant – but how can such a thing be brought about, in a place where all have been made strangers to love?

[poondragoon]

Oh hell yeah chelicerate leviathan, let's fucking go!!!

solifugae shark

[poondragoon]

I say the first bowerbird to human brain transfer was a rousing success!

Snufkin doing whatever the fuck he does during the winter

[poondragoon]

dislike and discomfort are normal and healthy parts of the human experience actually

[poondragoon]

just found this picture from an assignment i did last year

[poondragoon]

Thank you Derek, menswear guide, for reminding me why paying more to be free advertising for brands is dumb.

[poondragoon]

Today in niche genres of joke that I can never get enough of and will probably still be secretly thinking about four years later

[poondragoon]

conservative christians are so annoying because they want to be persecuted for their religion desperately but they live in the most aggressively christian place on earth. so they'll be like "I can't believe you hate me for being christian" and you'll respond "no I don't care what your religion is, I was raised protestant just like everyone else around here, I hate you because you voted for a fascist who wants to kill everyone I love and start world war three" and they'll just keep on with "why do you hate me for being christian" "I literally don't, it's the fascism thing. I'm going to stop speaking with you." "you can try to punish me for my faith but I will never abandon the LORD." "good for you keep it up but could you stop voting for fascists while you do that." "this is just like when the romans fed us to lions."