poetry-in-despair

[poetry-in-despair]

This post is a year old. 

It didn’t go anywhere. 

I’ve fallen in love with life. 

Being happy is a strange and suspicious adventure. I’m not sure if tomorrow I’m going to wake up and be miserable again all at once, but it keeps staying… I’ve been consistently happy for MONTHS and instead of having little losses, I’m actually having small gains. I’m seeing more of my friends, having more fun and just generally waking up excited to be alive.

Usually I’ve used tumblr as a way to fuel my depression and heartbreak. But I think since leaving my relationship, somehow I’ve been able to let go of the girl I thought I’d never let go of. I had these two “great loves” I thought I could never see past, but now in leaving one, I’ve lost the ghost of the other and I’m just…. Me. I’m lighter. I’m happier. I’m hopeful.

Now I have no need to post hundreds of emo song quotes and sad poetry….

I don’t even know who I am.

[poetry-in-despair]

Being happy is a strange and suspicious adventure. I'm not sure if tomorrow I'm going to wake up and be miserable again all at once, but it keeps staying... I've been consistently happy for MONTHS and instead of having little losses, I'm actually having small gains. I'm seeing more of my friends, having more fun and just generally waking up excited to be alive. Usually I've used tumblr as a way to fuel my depression and heartbreak. But I think since leaving my relationship, somehow I've been able to let go of the girl I thought I'd never let go of. I had these two "great loves" I thought I could never see past, but now in leaving one, I've lost the ghost of the other and I'm just.... Me. I'm lighter. I'm happier. I'm hopeful. Now I have no need to post hundreds of emo song quotes and sad poetry.... I don't even know who I am.

[poetry-in-despair]

I'm kidnapping my best friend for a weekend up north and then next weekend we are going clubbing in Toronto and my life is actually pretty freaking great right now. I have not been this consistently happy in YEARS.

[poetry-in-despair]

[poetry-in-despair]

I solemnly swear that I will never have another live-in relationship. I will never see my childhood stuffed animal again…. Or my guitar…. Or all the concert tickets I hoarded over the years.

[poetry-in-despair]

[poetry-in-despair]

It's the simple things in life

Like when you find some new songs to cry to for hours

[poetry-in-despair]

The end of my relationship has left me feeling more empty than I ever was as a single person. It's not because I miss her, not in the slightest actually. It's because before it ended it was over for so long and I was alone while sleeping next to her and it was the most hollow feeling in the world. Now I have this desperate need to fill my nagging emptiness, even though I'm not sad. I'm just..... Empty. It's a strange feeling to end such a long standing relationship.

[poetry-in-despair]

I'm so stressed out about getting into university. If I don't, I literally have no purpose.

[poetry-in-despair]

Nobody calls my dog "Bear". They all call him "The Bear". The dog, the legend, the Bear.

[poetry-in-despair]

[poetry-in-despair]

this is ur reminder 2 not lurk ur ex's social media 2day bcos it is unhealthy and stopping u from moving on!!!!

[poetry-in-despair]

If I never see you again I will always carry you inside outside on my fingertips and at brain edges and in centers centers of what I am of what remains.

Bukowski (via wahmpire)

[poetry-in-despair]

Yours Truly.

[poetry-in-despair]

[poetry-in-despair]

It’s not. It’s not just a heartbreak It’s a separation of your ribs and your lungs It’s not caring about the heartsick songs And being burnt by the ones about love Hearing about what you don’t have anymore It’s going to a new place and taking a picture Because you know they’d like it But their number isn’t saved in your phone So you’ve got a picture in your camera roll with no one to send it to Crazy how you start feeling absence in the weirdest moments Like in the blank space of a return address or in the rolling credits of a movie you shouldn’t have watched alone And it’s not the heartsick songs that hurt It’s the songs that talk about love because Maybe it was just I love you’s but it’s still (What if I never feel that kind of love again?) Maybe it’s earth-shattering or maybe it’s crystallized pieces of your heart all over the floor but, either way, really, It’s not just a heartbreak.

When I talk about love I talk about heartbreak (via extracold)

[poetry-in-despair]

me at 14: “None of my characters are self-inserts! I’ve worked really hard to make them unique and interesting. I hate Mary Sues.”

me now: “they’re all self-inserts. every single one of them. a hundred various versions of me. I’m gonna rub my grubby hands all over every property I enjoy. are you going to stop me? no. you can’t”