poemsnshiii

[poemsnshiii]

Do not stand

By my grave, and weep.

I am not there,

I do not sleep—

I am the thousand winds that blow

I am the diamond glints in snow

I am the sunlight on ripened grain,

I am the gentle, autumn rain.

As you awake with morning’s hush,

I am the swift, up-flinging rush

Of quiet birds in circling flight,

I am the day transcending night.

Do not stand

By my grave, and cry—

I am not there,

I did not die.

via The Kansas City Times, 8 February 1935

[poemsnshiii]

I feel everything at once then nothing at all. I feel nothing and everything, all at once. I am in a daze, always appalled from reality and how sickening it is. I look around but I can’t feel a thing. My soul is numb from the continuous flow of time and tragedies of life; of mine and of others. There’s no escape from it, no running away, no hiding, no matter how hard you try it’ll come back at you.

I feel lost. I feel hopeless. What is to happen to me. What is happening to me. What happened to me. The more important question is, how did I end up this way.

I can escape from the truth, from reality just for a little while but what do I do with myself? Where do I take this soul which longs for something kind for something real for something to replace the pain it bears. What do I do until I find solace. How do I find solace when I am claustrophobic from the inside. My inside, it too aches for an unknown longing; it aches for freedom; freedom from myself.