plusnow

[plusnow]

[plusnow]

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[plusnow]

When you grow up wearing “small” to “medium” sized clothing, you get used to the thought that every clothing item that you’re eyeing would have your size and that everything is just all the more...attainable.

When you go up to a “large” size, you slowly notice that hm...the size that you’re looking for is sometimes “sold out”.

At that point, you probably think that’s the highest you’ll go and think “oh, I’m fat now, I really need to lose some weight”.

So when those “L” sized clothing start to get tighter and more unflattering on you, you try to persist with that delusion that that is still the size for you.

Eventually, the zipper stops going all the way up and you would have no choice but to at least “try” going up a size now and then.

It doesn’t however stop you from still trying to go for “L” sized clothing, thinking it’s the weird sizing of the clothes that are mainly at fault—all because you’re able to fit into those loose and baggy styled clothing that are labeled “L”. You probably think you only need “XL” when it comes to tight-fitting, bodycon-type clothes.

And so, you also think it’s something that can be solved if you would just go on that ‘much-needed diet’.

Eventually you start to gravitate towards as well as become more attached to clothes that you can wear comfortably.

However, the tendency of that implied “temporary unavailability” reaches new heights.

You see, some clothes show the sizing options on the tags and some of those...only go up to an “L” size.

So fuck me, right?

Shopping becomes stressful for you. Choices have become limited. Your taste in fashion begins to take a back seat when you’re picking clothes now.

You start to eye clothes with caution, trying to stop yourself from appreciating them in case they don’t come in your size.

Comfort is key. Comfort is key.

Comfort IS key, but that mindset is not fulfilling on its own.

And when “XL” sized clothes stop fitting you as comfortably as they used to, you start to panic. It’s not obvious on the surface since it’s more of a growing realization...but yes, you panic.

At this point, you already know how much harder it got to find clothes that could fit you.

And for now to have to look for clothes of an even bigger size?

The future seemed bleak.

For a little more perspective on this, you live in a certain city in Asia where the people tend to be on the skinnier side and where there are endless ads for diet supplements and weight-loss treatments everywhere.

The online novels you read describe being skinny as beautiful and perfect and something often attributed to protagonists whereas the antagonists tend to be shown in a less flattering light and mocked for not being able to fit into clothes as well as the protagonists could.

This city sends the message that my size is abnormal and that I’m doing something wrong by not blending in with the norm.

Finding plus-sized clothing in popular stores such as H&M, Forever 21, Zara, etc. is like...hunting down a legendary Pokemon.

You wonder if you’d have to go hunting down obscure clothing stores that specifically sell plus-sized clothing. In your mind, you imagine them to be stores that only have drab-looking collections of clothing that no one else wanted.

You then wonder if maybe you should buy from men’s clothing stores instead as their clothing standard is bigger than that of women’s. And there are times when you really do.

You resort to buying more loose-fitting and baggy clothes as they have a higher tendency of actually fitting you.

Shopping becomes more like window-shopping to you now. Just looking and rarely ever buying anything.

When you find something that’s XL, but think that maybe it just might fit you and so you try it on...only to find out it doesn’t, you’re gutted.

If you do find something that does fit you, you treat it like it’s the holy grail and can’t help but buy it.

Not being able to buy clothes that you’d be happy to buy makes you a little more reluctant in going out or taking photos of yourself. You rarely have anything new that’s ‘nice’ to wear for those special occasions and so you excuse it with an uncaring attitude by seemingly deliberately wearing laid-back casual clothes. Dressed specifically for comfort.

Now there’s a trend of “fast fashion” and many are criticizing it—and for good reason. It’s much, much quicker now for fashion industries to churn out all kinds of clothes as they start to produce them with synthetic material (polyester, etc.) that’s easier to work with but not actually good for the environment.

On the other hand...there IS one pro to this scenario. And that is the increased variety and affordability of clothes...which leads to the booming market of online shopping.

Online shopping has especially opened your eyes to all sorts of possibilities. Together with the movement of inclusivity in today’s media and marketing, everything is now even more accessible.

It’s not exactly perfect just yet but it all feels infinitely better to be able to find clothes that you really like and could fit you well. Sometimes, that denial still manages to kick in now and then when you walk into a clothing store and try something on, but at least you have somewhere else to turn to when you can’t find something you like.

Plus, with the option of bigger sizes, you’re less worried about going up a size or two now.

For me, it was when I downloaded Shein that everything changed. To be able to choose from multiple styles while secure in the thought that the clothes can and will fit you...seems all the more magical somehow.

That was my experience.

My only problem now is trying to stop myself from buying too many clothes too quickly. I was deprived of that joy for quite some time now that I guess I have this subconscious urge to compensate for it now.

Still, it’s feeding the fast fashion industry, so I try to exercise some restraint as well as I can. So...fingers crossed.