Don't worry about this, I just needed a space to place my words
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You know things are so normal in America when a government agency has to say we are not the gestapo. With your help we can raise the number to 500% increase in ICE officer assaults
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(painting: ”The Shower of Gold”, by Edward Francis Wells, 1910)
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Replace “what if I regret this?” with “what if this sets me free?”
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Me: I could just die about it
Also me: Ah that's gonna change what I circle on the scale for my group check in next week
#we did a quiz last week for looking into our core beliefs and that stuff made me real sad#negative sense of belonging negative sense of worth negative sense of security#bumble just gives me more anxiety (guess the negative sense of worth explains a lot)#it feels like nobody is responding to my messages even just people on discord#i guess like two people consistently do so thats good#i told my psych i want to try and socialize more while I'm on leave and he really strongly supported that#but then i want to do things and theres nobody there#maybe i was kidding myself when i said the issue was working night shift. cause now I'm around each day and nothing has changed#the therapist who leads the group said she likes hearing my voice cause ive been talking more and another guy said hes glad I'm there#i feel like i cant do things alone. but then i always end up with no one around to help#i dont know why I'm so sad all of a sudden. none of this stuff is new but this wave of sadness just crashed on me all at once tonight#sometimes i wish i wasnt ace. like maybe if i wasnt id be able to have more chance at connecting with people#but i dont think id want hookups and casual stuff regardless#i dont know#maybe i should just go back to the shitty site and do more bad things for myself#realistically i know it doesnt help to not try and message or talk to people. but it just hurts when it takes a while to hear back#or when i dont hear back at all#so in my brain its like whats the point. why message people. i wont hear back while i actually need to talk#just the constant mental battle i guess
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