pixiesandillusions

[pixiesandillusions]

Creeping, crawling creatures scurry in the night,

Rats and bats and spiders, nibble, out of sight,

Don’t look too carefully,

You’ll get a nasty fright!

Monsters in the bathroom, witches in the hall,

Hairy beasts and demons climbing every wall,

You won’t want to catch them,

When they start to fall!

Vampires’ stealthy footsteps cross the wooden floor,

Werewolves howling fearfully, beyond your kitchen door,

Don’t look outside now,

You won’t want to find out more!

Zombies with their wild eyes and their soulless grins,

Skeletons with their bony cheeks and their missing skins,

Listen for their rattling sounds,

But do not let them in!

Halloween is coming, what a scary night,

Ghosties, ghouls and goblins dancing in the light,

Here they are all coming now, feel the spooky beat,

If you listen, hear ‘em shout:

“TRICK OR TREAT”

[pixiesandillusions]

Humans, we’re so circular; they lived the same slow cycles of joy and misery over and over, never learning. Every lesson in the universe had to be taught billions of times, and it never stuck

Maybe it was good that the world forgot every lesson, every good and bad memory, every triumph and failure, all of it dying with each generation. Perhaps this cultural amnesia spared them all. Perhaps if they remembered everything, hope would die instead

[pixiesandillusions]

You stand empty, clear though, a vessel of potential; to harbor, or capture, or keep, or fracture; and I have no idea which yet, but I will keep you anyway

[pixiesandillusions]

And we are magic talking to itself, noisy and alone. I am queen of all my sins forgotten. And I am still lost? Once I was beautiful, now I am myself

[pixiesandillusions]

How many times have people used a pen or paintbrush because they couldn’t pull the trigger

[pixiesandillusions]

Some days, the emptiness isn't even obvious. You're brushing your teeth or putting on your favorite denim jacket or adjusting your wristwatch and it's there, lurking and you don't mind at all. It almost feels normal. Right, even. But there are days and nights — mostly nights, when it feels colossal, you can't ignore it. There are times when it stares back, it's impossible to pretend it's not there. There are times when it feels out of place and you just sort of wanna dig for what's dead inside, or claw through your rib cages, or crack your chest open — anything, just to get it out of you.

[pixiesandillusions]

IN. MY. SKIN 2

But maybe there’s nothing special in not recognizing your reflection maybe we are all trapped in bodies we don’t feel we belong to

Maybe we’re all being perceived in ways we don’t want to be

Maybe humans are entirely unlovable by the conscious self

Maybe we are only admired through the eyes of others

[pixiesandillusions]

My tongue tastes like cherry. You smell like day-old coffee, and we’re smoking cigarettes out on our front porch steps. 4am in this little town people come and go. No one really sticks around. Maybe one day, me and you will leave this sleepy place too.

[pixiesandillusions]

Woe that I could wax poetic about the tides. That I could sing the songs of waters blue, and never come back to you. Oh land, oh shore, oh pristine sands how I wish you would roll away. And let me sail upon the waves, and never come back again.

[pixiesandillusions]

Her skin is white cloth

And she’s all sewn apart,

And she has many colored pins

Sticking out of her heart.

She has a beautiful set

Of hypno- disk eyes,

The ones that she uses to hypnotize guys.

She has many different zombies

Who are deeply in her trance.

She even has a zombie who was originally from France.

But she knows she has a curse on her,

A curse she cannot win.

For if someone gets too close to her,

The pins stick farther in.

[pixiesandillusions]

I N. M Y. S K I N.

“How are you?” He asks, as I sit in front of my boyfriend. Lost in thought. Trying to figure out the right way to put it, because all we have is a few selection of words that doesn’t seem to describe my pain. If I read every part of the dictionary I wouldn’t be able to put my finger on it. On that feeling in my chest that climbs up my throat, rebels in my stomach. The way brushing my teeth is a chore and laying in the shower is my only option. That I can’t leave my room, or how I’m across the country from everything I’ve ever known. How can I describe the knowledge that I’m not supposed to be here. How do I recover from this life? Will I ever be able to, or will I always be a burden to the system? Another bill for the government to pay. Another mouth to feed. There’s nothing I can say to make them understand. I stay quiet and somehow the quiet speaks for me.

[pixiesandillusions]

The End:

“I don’t know what to say,” he said.

“It’s okay.” She replied. “I know what we are - and I know what we’re not.”

[pixiesandillusions]

I will always be soft for you

[pixiesandillusions]

Let’s get something straight:

No one makes me smile like the way you do. The thing is you make me happy. You walked in when it seemed like the rest of the world walked out. You were there. You are there and you always will be there, and I love you for that. I never need to pretend when I’m around you and when I’m with you. You’re hilarious, you make me laugh. You know all the right words to make it okay. Thank you. For everything.

[pixiesandillusions]

I’m not going to compare you to a garden or a sunset, because you were never just something pretty to look at. You are the blood that runs through my veins, you keep me alive.

[pixiesandillusions]

Before you date me:

You need to understand that I’m damaged I get triggered easily. I have struggled with things. There are nights when I’m curled up in a ball on the floor and I won’t talk to anyone. I’ll shut you out. I’m not going to be able to trust you for a while, because everyone has always left, cheaten, or chosen someone else. I will need reasurance. I will need you. I will need you to keep chosing me. I’ll need you to care when I text you saying I’m getting bad again. I’m a lot, I know this.

[pixiesandillusions]

I’ll never forget the feeling of your hands on my waist