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Like yesterday's Clockstopper (New Game+ All Clocks%) remix, this was incepted during the Great Covid Lockdown of 2020. Can't not slap the rewind button when it finishes, even now.

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Happy 413 y'all, we gotta celebrate Homestuck Day 2023 with a remix. It's Clockstopper, but like it was done in 2023.

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no you dont understand, i’m obsessed with him

no you dont understand i’m obsessed with him

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DM: You lose your balance and fall backwards. And as you land, you hear something in your bag break.

Warlock, remembering he has four(4) jars of live bees in his bag: Oh no.

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The Circle of Slice….

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BEHOLD

The DM screaming at us as he unveils his beholder (via yourplayersaidwhat)

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Our Rogue is a Traveling "Merchant"

Context: My oldest friend and his roommate wanted to play D&D with me and my twin brother after watching Stranger Things, so I broke out our newly purchased 5th edition books and went to showing them my homebrew world.  Our Rogue, named after MMA fighter Chuck Liddell, took the Merchant background for… ahem. We’re in the market of the port city, and they’re searching for a wizard’s tower for their very first job.  They’re asking around for directions when suddenly… Chuck, the Rogue (OOC): “I’ve got some wares I’d like to sell him; can I fleece this guy?” Me, the DM: "Roll me a Charisma (Persuasion) check.“ Chuck rolls a natural 20. Chuck, the Rogue: “Sir, might I interest you in something to shake up your love life, put that zing back in your step?  It’s my patented Ben Wa Balls, and they’re a miracle cure for that old age feeling!”

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He guessed it

GM: Tell me one thing you know about the desert nation?

wizard: there is an immense magical aura underneath it

GM: You'll need to make up something else

Wizard: why? what's wrong with that one?

GM: That's the plot of today's adventure

Wizards...

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A good question

The guardian of two gates: YOU CAN ONLY ASK ONE QUESTION-

Me in character as an eight-year-old: Is this a riddle?

DM: ah-

*pause as everyone including me and the DM realizes what I just did*

Other players: DON’T ANSWER THAT DON’T ANSWER THAT!!

Guardian: … NO.

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Warlock (ooc): … You call someone a “motherfucker” if they sleep with a mother, but what’s the equivalent for someone who sleeps with gods? Paladin (ooc): Ambitious.

- a fantastic late night conversation. (via yourplayersaidwhat)

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You said you were ready for the skeleton war

The DM (via outofcontextdnd)

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When we can’t do the fun plan we have to go for the weird plan.

the wizard (via outofcontextdnd)

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by Loading Artist

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Pantskat returns

reblog flying ass giant pants guys for a fortune of good luck and good cash 

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looking at weapons

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The pact is sealed.

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how to become an unstoppable axe person in D&D 5e

Want to throw 9 handaxes in a single turn??? Do you want to be feared??? Here’s how.

Step 1: Pick the Fighter Class okay I know it sounds basic but trUST ME on this one Step 2: Screw those Background items!! Screw those Class items!! You don’t need ‘em!! You have dice! And according to PHB Chapter 5 page 143 table 1 “Starting Wealth by Class” *ahem* that’s 5d4 x 10 GP worth of starting equipment. So what do you buy with C: Axes. Hand. Axes. (Okay so assuming the maximum GP (200), get some Leather or Hide armor (10 GP) because… I mean you probably want that and then spend the rest on handaxes.) That’s 38 Handaxes “But Luna!” you might ask, astounded by the multitude of crude axes I have hanging around my belt, “How do you carry all of those!” (they weigh 2 pounds each and your carrying capacity is str score times 15 so like it’s almost impossible not to be able to) STEP 4: Throw??? Them??? Just throw them. Recover them after the battle. Also, since they have the Light property, you can use two-handed fighting to throw two per turn! “Okay what about that fighter thi–”Okay here’s the deal Take the two-weapon fighting style so those Bonus Action axes get that sweet, sweet STR mod. If you want, you can become a Champion, get a second fighting style, pick Archery, and now you have accurate handaxes.

Now the real money here is “how many handaxes can I throw per turn?” Keeping in mind the Fighter’s Extra Attacks and Action Surge (Note: An action surge gives an extra action, and Extra Attacks are each time you take the Attack action, so keep that in mind), I’ve made this neat little visual.

1st level: 2 axes 1st level (Action Surge use): 3 axes 5th level: 3 axes 5th level (Action Surge use): 5 axes 11th level: 4 axes 11th level (Action Surge use): 7 axes 20th level: 5 axes 20th level (Action Surge use): 9 axes 

You are now a human(oid) machine gun of handaxes. … One last thing: Take the Sharpshooter perk. Gets rid of disadvantage at long range, meaning you can throw 9 axes from 60 feet away. Remember: With great power comes great responsibility. And at least 38 handaxes. Godspeed.