pierres-general-deliveries

[pierres-general-deliveries]

NOOOO!!!! DON’T TURN ME INTO A MARKETABLE KEYRING!!!!!!!!!!

HEY STARDEW PEOPLE!!!!

do you like analysing the effects of evil corporations upon human beings a normal amount? do you want to save caroline from her dumb husband? do you just need to find a physical method by which to watch evil old men melt on a fire?

if the answer to any of those questions is “yes,” you should check out my new sdv shopkeeper keyrings!!!!

the keyrings are one-sided + 3 inches tall, and they all come with a silver flower clasp and a protective film on the front of the acrylic to prevent shipping damage. each order also includes a free sticker of whichever design you chose!

they’re £7 each, + £5 international shipping (or £2 if you’re in the UK!). there are 8 of each character in stock as of right now, but i’ll try to update this periodically to keep track of numbers! 😁

big ol’ hyperlink that takes you to the etsy listing :^]

[pierres-general-deliveries]

hehehehe...

do NOT give dee and star glitter..

>> @pierres-general-deliveries

>> @ask-dee-sdv

[pierres-general-deliveries]

Woah!! Did a smurf... on your store... No, I shan't say...

Think maybe I sold too many freak flags on Spirit’s Eve… my askers are all of a certain demographic now.

[pierres-general-deliveries]

Ah, what a bright and fresh morning… perfect for a great day of selling leftover autumn seeds for a discounted price before the winter properly kicks in.

Now, I just have to check the noticeboard, and then I can—

…

…

…You know what? Maybe I should go back to bed.

@stars-mischief @ask-dee-sdv

[pierres-general-deliveries]

Genuinely yes, I would purchase a freak flag from you. But only for like, 100g or less.

Well, ‘tis the season. And I’m dressed like some capitalist freak anyway, so…

Spirit’s Eve flash sale on freak flags! Get yours today for 100G, or free with one of the weird “I ❤️ my girlfriend” shirts with my face on them!!!

[pierres-general-deliveries]

you look like the last time you washed your balls was 1776

See, that’s how I know it’s a good costume!

[pierres-general-deliveries]

has your wife ever let you try the weed

No, but she did say I could pass some out to the rowdier trick-or-treaters if it meant they wouldn’t egg the storefront like last year.

So I guess, hypothetically… if just one or two blunts went missing, she probably wouldn’t even notice they were gone…

[pierres-general-deliveries]

Who will you be for Halloween? I think you should be Morris or Wizard. Or they should be you

Ah, anon… already two steps ahead of me!

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hey so whats up with the wumbus fanfic huh

I can’t believe you’re all still on about this! When will you guys leave me alone?

I got hacked! My account was used to make a fool of me!

And for the last time, I have never written gay Wumbus fanfiction!!!!

[pierres-general-deliveries]

I'll give you all the gold in my wallet right now if you eat a cockroach :]

Hope Morris doesn’t mind if I fry him first…

[pierres-general-deliveries]

Pierre. Abigail keeps sneaking onto my farm to fight the slimes I’m raising—I’m trying to domesticate them! Two years! Two years I’ve been trying and now I know why the various generations haven’t gotten tamer.

Sorry, hold on, wait a minute— you’re raising WHAT on your farm?!?!?!?!

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I committed a crime. Can I buy a fake ID from you? :3 I won't tell anyone if I get caught.

Depends on how many more crimes you’re willing to commit to get it.

How do you feel about beating up fancy old men?

[pierres-general-deliveries]

Pierre—hypothetically, unfortunately—how much G would it take to buy out your entire stock for a day? This is sadly theoretical… I am not rich enough yet.

Oh, don’t worry if you’re not rich enough to buy the whole thing yet. If you just want to buy out some of my stock, well, I’ll have no complaints.

In fact, you can just give me whatever’s in your bank account and I’ll give you the equivalent in product!!! How does that sound???

[pierres-general-deliveries]

can you work it, Pierre? -🌹

I’m in the General Store. Straight up “working it”.

And by “it”, haha, well. Let’s justr say.

My seedpacketsnis.

[pierres-general-deliveries]

New hat poke. 500g

@hat-mouse-sdv

500G for some halloween hat? In this economy?! No way! That’s—

…

…Huh.

You know, it’s… not bad.

Tell you what— how about I pay you in exposure?

[pierres-general-deliveries]

…Abby, get behind me. I don’t want you associating with their kind.

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NOW SHIPPING! Do you feel like your local options for groceries are lacking? Come shop at Jarget today! We offer free shipping to anyone that asks, and if you name drop what you did to Pierre I’ll throw in a discount or two! Come try some quality priced goods at a discount UwU

I cant physically hurt you, but i will mess with you mentally

-Jenny, Jarget Representative

…Okay. Morris, or any of his cronies— if you’re reading this, I think we should put aside our hatred for a minute to band up against this asshole.