phoenix-is-gross

[phoenix-is-gross]

Welcome

My name is Phoenix and this is my first blog post.I often feel like my life is really boring, but recently realized that my life is actually pretty bizarre. I hope that by sharing I may help someone, even if it's just one person.

I want to start off with a little about me.I chose the name Phoenix, my last name is Gross, which has been a pain in my butt through my twenty-nine years in this life. I've kind of embraced it at this point, but it can still get annoying because grown-ass adults still laugh about it. The funny thing is that my last name wouldn't have been Gross if my father's father hadn't changed his last name when he joined the military.

I am an AFAB non-binary person, but I don't mind being referred to as female, as I do menstruate and have breasts. I call myself a bigender lesbian because I'm only interested in dating other AFAB individuals. If you want me to get technical I would tell you that I'm pansexual, homoromantic, and demisexual, but that's hella complicated.

I am neurodivergent in pretty much every sense of the word.I have been diagnosed with ADHD and Bipolar Disorder Type 2.Due to my background in psychology, I am fairly certain that I also have Autism and CPTSD. I was never assessed for autism as a child and I wasn't taken to a psychiatrist after my initial trauma, so I will likely never know for sure. I often wonder how my parents missed the signs of my autism and ADHD. I used to line up my toys, which is a sign of autism and I remember my teachers begging my parents to have me assessed for ADHD when I was little because I simply couldn't sit still or stay silent.

I suffer from multiple disabilities, some of which are actually very rare. I have Hydrocephalus, which is a disorder characterized by the build up of excess fluid in the brain. It can cause headaches as well as memory impairments. I have another disorder called Neurofibromatosis Type 1 which is a neurological disorder characterized by the growth of tumors on nerve endings. My doctors knew that I have the birthmarks that it causes but I never had any testing because I did not have any of the neurological symptoms, such as developmental disability. I also have a learning disability caused dyscalculia, which affects my mathematical ability and sense of direction. My dyscalculia is probably caused by the NF1 because it is technically a developmental disability.

Lastly, I have a severe traumatic brain injury which was caused by a surgical error when I was seventeen.The TBI caused me to have a stroke, leaving me with a paralyzed left foot and permanent short term memory loss.There is no end to the issues my TBI has caused, but I will get to that on another day.

If you have any questions about any of these disorders, feel free to ask. Keep in mind that inappropriate questions won't be answered

Love,

Phoenix