persegi

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#pathdaily – View on Path.

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thinking back. aku nda inget apakah aku pernah dipagi buta kebangun tiba2 ngerasa berada ditempat yg gak semestinya, ngerasa hidupnya meaningless, dan asing,? aku ga inget. maybe

wot i remember and i now know for sure is that, unfortunately, even after you theoretically have found  a person that you thought would help fill that emptiness, you are still trapped in that emptiness. meaninglessness. rejectedness (dont think there is such word but who cares)

even as i stare at my daughter and realize that she (still) needs me and is dependent on me emotionally --even knowing that someone does need me-- it does not chase away the emptiness

you will continue searching

that's life i guess

no matter how you search high and low. surrounded by those you love you. having the greatest moments in your life, laughing, sharing stories, encouraging each other. you WILL go back to your oneself, alone. it is only you and your sanity to deal with that overwhelming post-'happy' feelings

do you believe in coincidence, Fajar? if yes. well. better change that belief. because. there is no such thing as coincidence. e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g happens for a reason. everything means something that leads to a bigger something. you, we, i just (have to) believe in it. THIS i can speak with experience given my age compared to yours

the ugly thing is... we don't always know the reason(s). apalagi alasan tersebut ternyata tidak selalu diungkapkan oleh Sang Pencipta alasan

aku sangad membatasi musik. sebisa mungin dengar radio dakwah di mobil. sejak 21+ minggu terakhir ini aku balik dengarkan musik. di HP udah ada 100+ lagu

setelah brenti rokok selama 16 tahun, sejak 3+ minggu terakhir ini aku mulai rokok lagi

do i feel ditempat yg gak semestinya, ngerasa hidupnya meaningless, dan asing,  dan jauh dari allah? oh well

unfortunately those feelings dont go away, Fajar. but

the good thing is. fortunately. Sang Pencipta itu tau banged siapa kita luar dalam. buat apa bo'ong dan "sok benar" di hadapan Beliau. Sang Maha Pembolakbalik Hati

so. that's wot i do. ngadu aja ke Beliau. talk to Him. ngoceh aja apa adanya. kalo sedang merasa jauh, apalagi kalo sedang entertaining your demons, ya bilang aja. ngadu aja. minta tolong juga untuk diijinkan tetap boleh ngadu dan mendekat walopun dengan kondisi hati-fisik-pikiran yang carut marut karena dosa dan keburukan lainnya

maaf kepanjangan dan jadi aku yang curhat

but. aku harap ini sedikit banyak menjawab kegelisahan mu,

unfortunately. they won't go away. you just have to deal with it day in and day out. tapi tetap minta tolong Beliau. no matter how ugly we are. karena Allah tau. tau sangad.

[persegi]

to be, and be nothing but light in the dark. - #neruda (at Hanoi Night Market)

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my favourite view was the sky and the sea, right in the day when you stood before me. - #emolabs #vscocam #quote #selfnote #sea #sky #boat #beach (at Ha Long Bay, Việt Nâm)

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Listening to I Remember by Indrakustik

oh its the end of a 9 years old bitter sweet story. – Preview it on Path.

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#pathdaily at Caribou Coffee – View on Path.

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kira kira, dalam 365 hari.

Gerrard Way masih tidak memberi pilihan untuk tetap tinggal. i dont love you like i love you yesterday katanya.

i cant write anymore. 

i have no heart,

i miss my family.

i stayed up night often. 

i left my almost lover.

i went to rinjani.

i am free.

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You get a strange feeling when you're about to leave a place, like you'll not only miss the people you love but you'll miss the person you are now at this time and this place, because you'll never be this way again. -- Azar Nafisi #leaving #farewell #goodbye #note #quote (at Hutan)

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#me #love #laugh #miss #smile #you #quote #vscocam

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Do not fall in love with people like me. I will take you to museums, and parks, and monuments, and kiss you in every beautiful place, so that you can never go back to them without tasting me like blood in your mouth. I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible. And when I leave you will finally understand, why storms are named after people.

Caitlyn Siehl (via purplebuddhaproject)

Tetoot

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Untuk orang yang menjadi payungmu ketika kamu berdiri sendirian di tengah hujan. Terimakasih. Berkat dia, hujan terasa hangat. Semoga kamu tahu.

[persegi]

Dear God. I love you. I love you. The only love in me, is You. #26 #downlow #tracking #instagunung #jalanjalan #trip #travel #jalan2terus #pray #vscocam #sunshine #sunrise

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Dear God. I love you.

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When it comes to love, which of course is such an everlasting topic to discuss, if I can be truly honest to myself the more I grow, the more I experience life, after falling in love, falling out of love, asking about love itself, searching for love, not believing in love, then believing in love once again. After all that, the more sure I am that what i’m feeling right now is not love. I’m desiring yes, I’m attached yes, I’m afraid yes but is that love? Is love attachment? is love fear? or is love something more that transcends this. Do you love someone because they love you back? Can you love without being given love? Is there jealousy in love? Isn’t jealousy a sign of ownership? Is love then all just about owning? Like owning an object? Is that real love? Is love just then about your own personal security? And if love is just a mere emotion, won’t it disappear like any other emotions? As all emotions are impermanent and transitory? I really don’t know but if someone ask me about relationship now, and why i still believe in relationship now. Is because i am looking for someone who acknowledge this problem of love and we’re both looking for the answer together. Life is harsh. Happiness is just right around the corner, but so is sadness. And life with all its tribulations and elations is much easier to handle when you have someone going in the same direction. So for now i’m not asking anymore than that. Let’s see how far I go with this chicken soup for the soul hogwash.

[persegi]

To have no attachments or desires, just merely to care. To care for someone with very little to perhaps no expectations from that person.

Expressing and maintaining and embracing love and letting that person go and grow.

Absurd? Incomprehensible? Illogical? Yes perhaps.

But I find it quite liberating.

[persegi]

Duduklah di sebelahku, agar laut dapat mengingat kita.

[persegi]

Merapatlah sejenak. Biar debur rinduku mereda.

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