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i'm not a lesbian as far as i know and i already have a wife but thanks tumblr

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one of the bright spots of the smartphone era has been text messages as evidence in court. these motherfuckers do not know how to organize a crime.

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I am violently homophobic, but i still love you regardless ☺️

Love wins ?

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lets All lock in starting Right Now

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eve was a girlboss for eating that fruit. adam was a himbo for doing what his wife said. i will not elaborate

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learning that 1. there's a thing called the 'gen z stare' 2. it pisses people off and 3. it's just underpaid service workers staring at someone until they follow a simple instruction, has been interesting.

for example, the card reader says 'remove card' the customer goes 'it says remove card, what do i do?' then some underpaid 20 year old just stares at whatever twat just asked that question. apparently that's devastating for baby boomers and gen x'ers, and they're complaining about it. retail workers should be allowed to jump the counter and kill customers

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i was hanging out with someone i had just met and i made reference to the fact that i'm a congenital amputee

and they were like "WAIT THAT'S REAL???"

and i was like HUH

and they were like "oh i have poorly managed psychosis and sometimes hallucinate that the people i'm looking at have the wrong amount of body parts. i just assumed i was hallucinating your hand the whole time i was talking to you"

deeply funny interaction of disabilities here lol

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Oh, so that's why everyone was suddenly talking about homestuck again

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1991 was a weird year for sentai

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Tumblr app should have a tinder esque feature where it shows you the blogs in a 3 mile radius. No it shouldnt

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be so real with me if I were on total drama island and I fucked up so bad would you vote me off. I'm talking like I fucked up really bad. like unforgivably

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*tied to a chair,.spitting up blood* heh..... youre gonna need to brush my teeth a little harder than THAT to get information out of me

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kernel anticheat is the funniest shit ever

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Sure would be a shame if thousands of people saw this...

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Be honest do you think that actually learning things in high school is important

yeah dude or else youre gonna be that coworker people post about