pensieridischiavo

[pensieridischiavo]

[pensieridischiavo]

fairy princess of ur dreams 🧚🏾‍♀️

✨do not interact if u are under 18✨

[pensieridischiavo]

“The ice didn’t get thinner between us, you broke it with a fucking crowbar and let me drown.“”

— I can’t believe I wanted you back

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“don’t tell me your bullshit. i don’t want your lies.”

— unspoken, 1:30pm

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I feel more alone now than I have in a very long time and this feeling is really disturbing.

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02/28/2018

I woke up at the usual 7:55 and got ready for the day. I left for math at 8:35 and we just went over our tests today which was incredibly boring since I got most of them right. After math I went to my honors class and we went over how to use the astrolabes and I feel like I have a decent understanding of how to use them although actually sighting the sun and stars with it for a couple questions on the take home test is going to be a shit show. After my honors class I went and had lunch. I had a couple pieces of pizza and strawberries. The dining hall was full of high school kids touring so that was interesting and annoying since it was super busy. After lunch I went to the library and went over my chemistry stuff. Then I took my chemistry test and like I said earlier I feel pretty good about it hopefully it isn’t deceiving. After that I went to the meeting with my advisor which was quite pointless but it was quick and painless. Then I scanned over my biology lab notes for the guy. After all of that I went back to my dorm and changed into gym clothes and worked out for an hour. I came back to my room and showered and studied for biology and seemingly knew more than I thought so I hope I’m not blind-sided tomorrow with the test. Then I did my face stuff and got into bed and now I’m trying to avoid my mother’s pestering arguments because she seemingly thinks she has a torn meniscus like I do and wants to keep talking about it and telling me what I should be doing for it when it literally doesn’t matter because I’m not in pain and it doesn’t affect my life? Her chiropractor thought she had meniscus irritation and told her to do exercise bike stuff which apparently means I should too? Anyway I’m probably going to do the reading soon and now ignore my mother because she just keeps saying I don’t listen to doctors because the one time when I was in pain with my knee I didn’t stop riding. I simply said I would prefer to go to a doctor now and do what they tell me to do for it and not do what her chiropractor told her to do for a situation that isn’t even the same as mine. Like just because you’re lunatic that seems to enjoy being injured and all the attention that comes with it doesn’t mean you need to include me in it.

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02/27/2018

I woke up around 9 I think and stayed in bed until 10:05. Once I got of bed I checked my email since my roommate had already taken the bathroom over (I was quite irritated considering her first class is at 5pm and mine is at noon and she takes forever and seemingly puts no effort into it). Anyway I checked my email and saw one from MSU saying my portal had been updated so I quickly checked that and saw the good news. Then I put together the clothes I was going to wear and waited for my roommate to finally finish getting ready. Once she finished I quickly did my stuff and took the pictures for you and then I went to my biology class. Biology was good today we even got out 10 minutes early which was nice. After biology I went to eat lunch and I had the pizza pasta and a breadstick and pineapple. After lunch I went to the library and studied chemistry before my discussion. Discussion went well he just gave us a worksheet which was good to review everything. After discussion I went back to my dorm and changed into work clothes and went to work. Work was absolutely terribly boring. Seemingly everyone is studying so there was basically nobody there and I didn’t really have much to do so I looked over my biology notes a bit for my test Thursday. After work I went to my chemistry study group and studied with them for a couple hours before coming to my room and changing and making the finishing touches on my astrolabe. Then I got into bed and now I’m just scrolling through tumblr before going to sleep.

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02/26/2018

I woke up at 7:55 and got ready and such and left for my math class at 8:35. I was a little nervous about the test because in the last class she made it sound like we would just barely have enough time, but it seemed to go well and I had more than enough time. After that I went to my honors class where we talked about the astrolabe and it’s uses which was quite boring but I got my revised paper back and like I told you I got a 93 on which made my day. After honors I went to have lunch and I ate a banana and peanut butter sandwich, pineapple and strawberries, and a couple mozzarella sticks. Then I basically just sat in the dining hall and looked through social media and such before chemistry because I didn’t really have much else to do. Chemistry went well we started a new chapter so not much to not understand yet and I try to not pay as much attention on the first day because I get confused and mix it up with the test material and it doesn’t end well. After chemistry I came back to my room and changed into gym clothes and worked out for about an hour. After the gym I came back to my room and changed and worked on my honors paper. I was aiming for the minimum which was 3 pages but I’m already at nearly 5 and I’m not finished yet so that’s good. Then I went to my chemistry lab which was much better than usual and we even got out early today which was super nice. My friend I went and got some food after lab i just had a wrap with chicken, lettuce, and cheese. I came back to my room and ate the wrap and then took a shower and changed into pajamas and did my face stuff. Then I had one of my Valentine’s Day brownies and got into bed. Now I’m just laying in bed and watching you and scrolling through tumblr a bit.

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02/25/2018

I woke up around 9 or 10 I think and stayed in bed until noon. Then I got out of bed and changed into gym clothes. I stayed at the gym for about 50 minutes. Once I got back to my room from the gym I changed into regular clothes and did my hair. Then I went to eat lunch which was eggs, banana and peanut butter toast, pineapple, and red potato cube things. My friend found me in the dining hall so we ate together and talked for a bit. After that I came back to my room and started working on my honors paper a bit more and I’m quite close to being finished which is a great feeling. Then my mom called me and we talked until it was time to go to work. Work was the usual I watched Pirates of the Caribbean (the third one I believe) and did a practice chemistry exam. After work I came back to my room and changed into pajamas and washed my face. Then I ate some cheez it’s and had a brownie before getting into bed and am now watching ratatouille and scrolling through tumblr.

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02/21/2018

Cunt’s alarm actually woke her up today if that’s indication of how she slept. Cunt doesn’t know if she kept waking up or if it just took forever to fall asleep but she did put her phone in do not disturb because she knew she wasn’t handling things well and didn’t want to dig herself into an even deeper hole that cunt couldn’t get herself out of. Cunt felt very out of it and on edge all morning. Math was easy thankfully because cunt wasn’t in any state to be doing difficult things. After math cunt got an iced coffee and drank it in in probably 20 minutes which is ridiculous considering it wasn’t too pleasant but cunt knew she would need it. Turns out coffee and anxiety don’t mix well or coffee and cunt just don’t mix well although cunt is thinking the former. Cunt was shaking like a leaf and honestly thought she was going to drop things at times. Cunt was 100% dissociating and felt like she was going to pass out at times which further increased anxiety because cunt didn’t want that to happen at all. Towards the end of my honors class cunt realllllllly needed to pee and of course we never got a break this class so the last 20 minutes were awful. Cunt speedwalked to the bathroom after class and peed a ridiculous amount which cunt is assuming is the coffee. Yet another reason to not get coffee again. Then cunt went to eat lunch and had a chicken bacon ranch sandwich which cunt doesn’t think sat well with her or it was just the anxiety not helping . After lunch cunt’s stomach felt awful and she really wanted to puke. Chemistry went well and cunt understood what we did today. After chemistry cunt went to the gym and went a bit harder than usual just because it felt nice although that didn’t seem to help the stomach situation because it was far worse once cunt got back to her room. Cunt took a shower and tried to make herself throw up to no avail. Then cunt started working on her honors paper a bit. Cunt got most of the hard stuff done she just needs to add the explanation stuff which will probably be sometime next week. Then cunt went down and did some chemistry with a friend which was helpful and we plan to go to office hours on Monday for the first time which is a little scary but a good thing. Then cunt got back to her room, changed into pajamas, and washed her face. Cunt had an uncrustable and a Valentine’s Day cookie while talking to her mom on the phone before getting into bed. Now cunt is catching up on tumblr and listening to music.

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02/19/2018

I got up at 7:55 and got ready for my math class and left around 8:35. Math went well we were just talking about more graphing things I don’t remember exactly what she called it but it was pretty simple. After math I went to my honors class and we’ve started talking about how philosophy and theology are intertwined which is really interesting so that was enjoyable. For the last half of class he also talked about the ridiculousness of observations of animals in the 1200’s which was amusing. After my honors class I went to eat lunch and found my friend at the dining hall so I sat with her. I had mashed potatoes, chicken nuggets, and a banana with peanut butter. After lunch I started on my math homework and got most of it finished I just need to do a couple problems tomorrow morning before biology to finish it up. Then I went to chemistry and he just went over more conceptual stuff mainly we’ll be doing problems with what we learned today on Wednesday so that will be interesting and hopefully go well. After chemistry I went to the library with my friend and we worked on the pre lab together because I was completely lost with it and so was she and that took a good 2 hours to do. I also printed my honors papers with the revisions to turn in on Wednesday. Then my friend wanted to get food so we went to the little store under the library and I got a small sandwich before going to my lab. Lab was alright. The actual lab part was good but the questions and stuff regarding the lab were ridiculous and took forever. After the lab we stopped at the dining hall and I took a couple bananas to keep in my room. Then I went to my room and unfortunately didn’t make it in time for the meeting tonight so I’ll be going to the one Thursday night. I took a shower and changed into pajamas and did my face stuff once I got to my room. I also took some vitamin c like I’ve been trying to do daily now so I can hopefully prevent the flu or any other nastiness from happening to me. Then I got into my bed and now I’m probably going to catch up on tumblr, do my reading, and watch something before bed.

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02/18/2018

I woke up around 9 and stayed in bed until noon because the gym doesn’t open until noon on Sundays. Once I got out of bed I changed into gym clothes and worked out for about 50 minutes. After the gym I came back to my dorm and took a quicker shower and then changed into regular clothes. I also took my pictures for you then. After that I went to eat lunch and had scrambled eggs, a banana and peanut butter, and probably a handful of tator tots. I also had a protein drink before leaving for lunch. After lunch I came back to my room and did my revisions on my honors paper and once I finished I emailed it to my mom to look over for just basic errors like leaving out a word or something. Then I started updating my planner before changing and leaving for work. I had my review at work today and it was like maybe 2 minutes and he basically said that I’m doing really well and my boss had written a couple comment about a how she’d like to see me be more outgoing and talkative to coworkers which I find a bit ridiculous considering I see my coworkers for like a couple minutes in passing and we just say hi bye have a good day. And she was also apparently concerned about the shifts I had been posting because it seemed like a lot and I was just like no that’s just the only times I know I can’t work this semester so wanted to get them on the board as soon as possible. Literally 3 weekends. This girl posts her Saturday shift basically every week so I dunno. Overall it was fine though. Work went well and I browsed through hot topic’s website and found a million things I want even though I typically don’t find much there I like. I also finished up some reading for honors after spring break because I’m ridiculous. After work I came back to my room and washed my face and changed into pajamas. I also ate some pringles and one of the cookies my mom sent before getting into bed. Now I’m getting a bit horny just thinking about doing the reading for tonight in a moment then I’ll probably scroll through tumblr and catch on YouTube videos or watch a movie. Haven’t decided yet.

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You deserve so much better.

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02/16/2018

I woke up at 7:55 and put gym clothes on to go to my math class because I was planning on going to the gym right after. After working out for about 50 minutes I came back to my room and browsed through cars for sale and found a handful in my price range that look decent enough. Then I took a shower once my roommate got out of the bathroom and I changed into normal clothes. After that I worked on my math homework and then went to have lunch before going to my chemistry class. I had a peanut butter and banana sandwich with a breadstick for lunch. Chemistry was better today I understood what we did today but am still quite lost about what occurred on Wednesday. After chemistry I went to the conspectus boréales meeting which is sub section of the honors program that’s like a journal where we publish students papers. We’ve started reviewing some now and I’ve signed up to review 3 of them that interested me. After that I came back to my room and washed my work shirt and did some chemistry homework. After that I started working on the lab report for biology and got a decent amount done I’m almost done with the second graph and that stuff is what was going to take the longest with all the data. Then I changed into work clothes and went to work. At work I got to watch a couple movies like I already told you and I also did some chemistry reading. Once I got off work I came back to my room and ate a little bit while searching for something to watch before settling on zaboomafoo. Now I’m realizing I’m alone and should get to reading while I’m alone and can actually do something about it. I’ll do that and then watch some stuff before bed.

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02/15/2018

I woke up at 6:05 and got ready for work. I left for work around 6:35 and opened up the gym. I watched my usual say yes to the dress in the morning as nothing else is on and I can’t help but be a typical girl and drool over wedding dresses. The girl coming in after me was late which was annoying since I have class right after so I rushed and changed quickly before speed walking to class and I just made it on time. Math went well we were just talking about moving graphs and such. After math I had my biology lab and we were testing how different temperatures and solutions affect the cell membrane of beet root cells which was somewhat interesting. I have a simple lab report due next week over this lab that I plan to do on Saturday. I would’ve done it today but not all the data would be up until tomorrow. After my biology lab I went to the biology lecture which was somewhat better it seemed to go by quicker which was nice. Still learning about the different cell parts which is always interesting. After my biology lecture I had lunch (a cheeseburger, fries, and pineapple). After lunch I came back to my dorm and changed into gym clothes and then my friend texted me asking if I could come to an auto shop to bring her back to campus while they fixed her car’s headlights. It was right down the street so I drove over and then just sat with her while they did the stuff because they couldn’t give a time estimate which I’m still kind of peeved about her having me come over there when I didn’t need to but oh well. After I got back to campus I changed my shoes and went to the gym. I did about 50 minutes on the open stride machine and then I came back to my room and started on laundry after changing into pajamas. Then I started on some math homework and worked on that while I talked to my mom on the phone. She was really nice and positive today so I’m hoping this sticks. Once we got off the phone I started watching your stream and continued working on homework. Once I finished my homework I updated my planner a bit and then washed my face. After that I got into bed and was looking around at more spring/summer clothes. Shortly after that you called and that was really nice. I can’t say enough how much I loved watching the stream you did earlier. It’s nice to be able to see you even if I can’t be there with you while you do this stuff. And now I’m a wet horny mess after doing the reading.

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02/14/2018

I woke up at 7:55 and got ready for my math class and left around 8:40. Math class was incredibly easy as we were just going over scatter plots and how to the data into the calculator to get an equation of best fit. After math class I went to my honors class which was pretty good he went over the basic outline of how our next paper should be formatted which is nice since it’s not exactly a typical paper. I’m actually kind of excited for this paper because it’s more of a research thing than just a typical essay. After my honors class I went to eat lunch but I did my math homework before getting food because it’s never out right when I get to the dining hall. I had cheese manicotti, ranch tater tots, and garlic bread because I’m realizing I apparently need to be eating more or something. My friend came up to me in the dining hall and sat with me so talked until it was time to leave for chemistry. Chemistry started out well and went downhill once he started using an equation and flew through it while making all sorts of mistakes himself so that part is a bit confusing unfortunately. After chemistry I walked to my dorm and talked to a different friend from chemistry. Once I got back to my dorm I changed and went to the gym for 45 minutes and actually didn’t watch Netflix or anything just read chronicle of the horse articles (one was about a woman that works with lizards and does eventing so it made me stupidly excited). After the gym I came back to my room and scrolled through Instagram and also made an obligatory Valentine’s Day post on there. After that I changed into work clothes and finished up biology homework before going down to study some chemistry. We went over our tests and I feel better about the questions I missed and more confident about hat material for now so hopefully I don’t completely forget it all when the final comes. After our study group I left for work. Work was the usual boringness although the lion king came on in the middle of it which was beyond exciting. I also got some more honors reading done for the week after next because I’m ridiculous and also don’t have anything better to do at work. Once I got off work I came to my room and changed into pajamas and washed my face. Then I ate one of Valentine’s Day cookies and put together my backpack for tomorrow so I wouldn’t have to in the morning. Then I got into bed and now I’m probably going to catch up on some tumblr before going to sleep because I have to be up early tomorrow. I so very much wish I could’ve spent the day with you (as any other day) but a cute date would’ve been nice. Next year we can do something though. Spring break is also coming up pretty quick which I’m very grateful for I just wish I wouldn’t be getting home sometime on Sunday...but at least we have the last weekend together even though most of it will be in the car. I still had a really great the last time we drove up here in the summer and I’m really excited to get the snacks for it. I love you more than I could ever put into words. Happy Valentine’s Day my heart.